After several affairs and a year of separation
my wife broke off with her boyfriend and says she wants to make it work with us. She struggles with depression and emotional instability due to a chronic pain condition all of which contributed to our problems.
I have tried hard to be understanding of her problems and have never been unfaithful to her.
I've been raising our daughter while she has her "space" at her apartment.
She said she's truly sorry and wants another chance.
But now, after the pain of betrayal,dishonesty and "flip flop" unreliabilty, how can I be able to trust her again. Its hard to let yourself be emotionally vulnerable again after going through this.<p>She has expressed frustration when I asked her a few questions about what she did all day.I told her you have to expect some of this for a while after what she put me through.
I feel that trust has to be earned.( (and that takes a while after its been trashed)
I think she needs to accept the responsibility of reassuring me (even if its annoying) and proving her trustworthiness over a long period of time.<p>What do you think?<p>Thanks for your input.<p>JDH

JDH<p>I agree with you totally. I am a WS and understand that it can be frustating answering the same questions over and over. However, I also take the responsiblity for "trashing the trust". I answer my H's questions and don't let him know how frustrating is can be sometimes to be answering the same question for the 100th time. I understand that this is just one of many things I have to do if I want to regain his trust. <p>I also do my best to account for my time, which is hard sometimes considering the hours that I work. I have a lot of free time. However, I do my best to be able to account.<p>Your W will eventually have to come to the point of doing all this. She will have to realize that she has no one to blame for your lack of trust but herself. This is not something you can do for her. She has to do it for you. What is she doing to this end? Does she know of this site? Is she taking advantage of this site? I know it has helped me a great deal.<p>Trust is something that has to be earned. Not many of us realize just how much until we break that trust. And it is much, much harder to earn it from the same person for a second time.<p>I wish you luck in rebuilding<p>Regretting<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: Regretting ]</p>

JDH
Regretting knows what she is talking about. I would suggest printing out some of the posts you feel pertain to this subject and showing them to your wife. That's what I do with my H. He has been wonderful in the answering the questions department and I have in noway been gentle. I believe the unrelentless unending questioning phase of this process is there punishment. Just try not to do it too long. I myself and winding down after 5 months of doing this. I want to move past this phase but it is difficult letting go of the pain. I also print out anything that has to do with what the WS is going through and then we discuss it together. If she wants you she must go through this process. It is not easy, but it does have many rewards. Openness, Honesty, closeness, Being intuned to each others needs to name a few.
Good luck.
Passmeby<p>Me 40, H 42
Married 21 years today
2 boys 20 & 18
D-day Nov 1, 2001
Still happy with my decission to stay.