<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

I have been following your story dallas, and hope others will step in and help you here too. You have just been through a truly horrible experience, and in hindsight maybe there was a better choice of time and surroundings to have revealed the truth....but be that as it may, this may have been the first time (I don't know all your history, sorry) there was real honesty between you....you revealed stuff that was essential to get through to ever have a real marriage, and he revealed the truth about how he copes with conflict, something that should be important to you in terms of your life choices as well. Whatever happens from here, after the adrenaline has cooled down, remember you have learned a truth about your H as well, and the kind of man he is. He will be back (most likely, and if not, IMO no price is to high to regain control of your life, you will be ok dallas), and hopefully acknowledge his inappropriate behaviour, and then the real work of unraveling who the two of you really are, and what you really want will begin. This may be one of the darker mornings of your life, but it will get better, you know that from being here. Start working on yourself, take care of your D, and life will unfold for you as it should. Hopefully you filed a police report, no one has a right to assault someone over such things, and should his anger/physical threat continue (which means he is not worthy as a marital partner) you may need the the documentation. Further re financial stuff, the courts will require he pay child support, and if he refuses they will eventually arrest/jail him, he cannot intimidate the state. Keep yourself safe dallas, and keep posting, you may have made a bad choice re the affair, but you are not a bad person, did not deserve this response, this is NOT your fault, and your willingness to tell the truth is the first step toward YOUR recover, and redemption, whether the marriage continues or not is dependent on many things, not the least of which is your H willingness to take responsibility for his part in the demise of the relationship....time will tell dallas, for now just focus on each day, let the future take care of itself, all of this (our lives) is ultimately in God's hands. As long as we are radically honest, and follow fairly clear behavioural guidelines, He will direct us to where we need to be methinks. If you are not Christian, I think the same procedures (for sound psychological reasons) takes us to the right place as well. Good luck.

I'm not Jane or Peppermint either.... but I wanted to give you this...
{{{{{{{{{{{{{diddallas}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>I'm so sorry for what you went through. I'm glad you are here posting to us still. You are a strong lady!!!<p>My sister was in an EA and didn't tell her H. He suspected something though. He held a gun to her - the police got there in time and took him away. Until then, I encouraged her to keep working on the marriage. After that, I didn't want her anywhere near that man. Being a single mom would be much better than living like that.<p>I'm so proud of you for being honest. Like you said, you no longer have to live with the burden on a secret. He's got big problems to act the way he did last nite. PLEASE don't regret being honest with him. It's only fair for him to know what all the cards are in the game. <p>Here's another one {{{{{{{{{{{{{diddallas}}}}}}}}}.<p>Please keep us posted. You can make it through this. It's possible he may change his mind, and ask you for reconciliation. Please don't let him back home unless he gets some help for his rage. k?

<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Diddallas,
Yeah, like snl & faith I can't read or take direction either.<p>I'm so sorry.<p>SNL's post is terrific.<p>I'm not the most tactful person on the board, and I realize you are hurt physically, emotionally and angry...but Peppermint & Jane aren't to blame. They may have influenced you, but you made the decision. And, despite the outcome, it was a good, honest decision. <p>You can go forward without fearing his finding out. He knows. He reacted very nastily. And you can make your next decisions accordingly.<p>Again, I'm just sorry it turned out this way for you.

Hey,<p>I don't know you, nor anything about you except that I have often read of your unwillingness to be honest with your husband.<p>As for blaming me for your problems, I didn't respond to your post until 8:30 am EST THIS MORNING, so I couldn't have had anything to do with ANYTHING you might have done last night.<p>If what you claim happened to you did happen, then I am sorry for you. And if pointing your finger at me makes you feel better about that, have at it.

{{{{ Diddallas }}}}big hug.<p>Sending prayers for you, your daughter, and your spouse ... all three wounded souls.<p>God be with you.<p>Pepper

(((((Diddallas)))))).
You were incredibly brave and honourable and told the truth and your H reacted horribly. You did not deserve to be hurt! I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I can understand lashing out, but you made the decision in the end. I can only shudder to think of how he might have reacted had he "found" out on his own - I'm guessing it would have been worse. I don't know. I don't know you, I don't know your H. All I can do for you right now is extend my prayers to you and your healing both physically and emotionally.