Hi All,<p>I have a couple of questions I need help with.<p>1) How do you let go of the anger? I cant stand it anymore! I dont want to feel this way. I want to let it go and just get better. But everytime I think of things that were said and done between my WH and the OW my blood starts to boil! ( I have visual proof). We are trying to work at getting through this so I dont want to go backwards no matter what the out come is. If we dont make it, I dont want the OW to have him. And i dont want to feel like that eaither. Most of all, IF they did end up together, I DO NOT WANT THE OW TO EVER COME NEAR MY BABY AGAIN!!! ( yes she has been around my baby and its much worse than that). Help me somebody! I need advise. What comes after the anger? Or are you always feeling a million different emotions? I want peace and clarity.<p>2) For those who have made it through recovery and are still together, was it all worth it? Is your marriage even better than before? Do you still think of the pain? Do you wonder if the WS is going to do it again? Do you wonder if the OP is still around? Do you feel like you deserve better and you shouldnt have to go through everything you went through? Can you look at the WS the same? Do they love you more or less? Or is it a case of , all this hard work and over comming all this crap makes it worth it. Knowing we could make it in the end.<p>Thanks,
P I

PI
I don't know if I am the right one to answer because I am only 5 months into this. But I do feel I am finally starting to work through the anger. I have learned that rushing it just ends up biting you in the butt. Part of working throught the anger is the endless questioning. Does you H cooperate? If he isn't answering or seems to be avoiding the truth this won't help you. He must be totally Honest and upfront. Slowly the questions will subside and hopefully the anger can begin to fade but this takes time. It depend on how much you need to ask. Be ready to have set backs there are many. Your emotions like all of us are completely out of control. Getting a hold of them is difficult. Keep trying you are not alone.
The 2nd questions I can't answer. I'm not there yet. But I have high hopes for the future.
Good luck to you
Take it slow.
Passmeby<p>Me 40, WH 42
Married 21 years today
2 boys 20 & 18
d-day 11/1/01

PI
You will work through the anger but it takes time.
Don't replay those images through your head. Say to yourself stop it and think of something else. That is hard at first but you get better with practice. The A was your WS's sin so don't torture yourself for it. Look within yourself and work on your faults and how they affected the marriage because those are the only things you can change. You can't change what happened and you can't change your spouse. When you feel you are a better person and accept who you are "warts and all" peace comes. The best thing I did for myself was prayer and giving my anger to God. I still had to deal with it but I was not alone.
As to question #2 so far it has been worth it. I know he is still getting over the OW, but I sometimes see real affection and love for me and as time goes on I see it more and more. We are trying to make our marriage into what we both always wanted but were to busy pretending everything was fine to do so. We have made huge progress on those issues and are becoming better friends everyday. Seeing that gives me hope the "in love" will return.<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: Hopefully Healing ]<p>[ April 10, 2002: Message edited by: Hopefully Healing ]</p>