One minute h says... he left only because of ow... next I ha ve been awful wife always.. next minute... maybe we can work it out... next, I thougt i told you we can never work it out... to which I say, what about counseling... to which he says... well maybe later... to which... I get more confused... <p>then he says he is just waiting to see how things go with me- not sure if things can ever be fixed.. not interested in rebuilding trust... does not want to tell me every thing he does... not interested in rebuilding or re earning trust...if I do not trust him what is anything worth anyway?<p>Any answers kids... I want to cry. why, oh why... when I plan a no R talk and do not try to act like anything is wrong.. i.e. sweep all issues under the rug, etc... h is fine, saying he likes things and things are good.<p>I miss having a husband that I can count on that loves me- am I kidding myself? truth is... seperation is better than being lied to... but why does he want this to just go on and on...? why doesn't he try?<p>thanks, H

You need to seriously get a grip girl. H is on an emotional roller coaster...nothing says you have to ride along. LEAVE HIM ALONE..accept to trade off kids and a few other details you do NOT have to be put through this barrage of contradictment. The fact that you ARE is YOUR fault...so QUIT. YOU work on YOU and he'll either come around and decide to fix things, or he won't. If stability is something he is searching for, your current "walking on eggshells" attitude isn't going to portray that at all. This isn't a game of "what do I do or say or become" to get him back. Quite frankly as an alcoholic and habitual adulterer...he's not much of a catch. It's possible he has potential to be more...but right now he's NOT. Quit viewing things as the way you WANT them to be or WISH they could be...and view them the way they are. How YOUR life is, is NOT dependant upon him...it's dependant upon YOU and YOUR decisions and action. It's time to take control of YOU Honey.

Honey, h4f is right that he is on an emotional rollercoaster, but I know personally how hard it is to get off. My H puts me through very similar stuff. Gee, they're both alcoholics, imagine that! And we are both codependents so we get dragged along for the ride unless we stop it. Keep doing what you can to take care of yourself and do the best you can not to listen to his words of blame. I really empathize with your struggles.<p>I'd recommend reading AlAnon literature and the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous as they describe the alcoholic behavior so that it stops seeming so personal. It's part of the disease.

Honey, Everytime you post to us I notice that your H treats you in a completly different way. One time he gave you a big hug at the baseball game, Another he comes to your home and complains about the mess. And so on and so on.<p>Honey, he is making you crazy! I agree with hope4future. You need to stay away from him at this point. Until he sorts out his own mess. You have tried to help him till you are blue in the face [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] . <p>You have done all you can, you cant help someone like him, seeing as he does not want to be helped. He will "come to" sooner or later. Be there for him then. But for now, his insults and degrading behavior towards you are only bringing you down. <p>I remember your post from a couple short weeks ago. You spoke about feeling stronger and living your life for yourself and not him. I hope you can get back to that place Honey. <p>Staying away from him is going to be sooooo hard. But you can do it. Go back and read your post about feeling stronger...remember how you felt when you typed those words? You can be in that place again soon.<p>Susie