This book is about co-dependency at it's finest. I did not know that I was co-dependent until someone said "read this book". The book breathed my life/situation. Three weeks after reading it, my life has evolved into a great, happy, place. I still have piles of **** up to my knees, but that is OK. I am happy. It's because I chose to start living/controlling my life and have stopped controlling every body else's life. I cannot say enough about this book. It worked for me, and I think it is worth for everyone to check it out. It has given me a great outlook on what life. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Enjoy, if you dare.

and the book is called.......

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BMWM:
I cannot say enough about this book<hr></blockquote><p>uhhh hem ... obviously you can because you neglected to tell us the BOOKS NAME!<p>Doh!

Jo--<p>You crack me up! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Elad:
Jo--<p>You crack me up!<p>E<hr></blockquote><p>E,<p>Glad to be of service. <p>What BMWM did reminds me of how I ALMOST always send out an email to a HUMONGOUS disty list of folks here at work and forget to add the attachment. Doh! Sound familiar?<p>How are you doing, Elad?<p>Jo

Jo--<p>I'm doing OK, thanks for asking.<p>Of course who knows how much better I could be doing if BMWM ever tells us the name of that book. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have had an interesting week. I have spent some time talking to the OMW. Some new insight for me. Probably for her, too. And that's not necessarily bad.<p>I am getting a bit more comfortable with this plan B. Not that I like it, but I don't find myself as edgy and I am working on some boundaries for myself.<p>Don't mean to hijack BMWM's thread.<p>Thanks again for asking---<p>Thanks too for making me smile [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E

Hi , I too am very curious to the name of this book. thanks, lisa

Aaahhhem...has anyone read this book yet? I'm still in suspense.

YO BMWM <p><tapping fingers on desk> We're waiting ....<p>[ April 13, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

I don't know what book the original person was describing but I can tell you that "Untangling Relationships" is one of the very best on codependency. The characteristics of codependency are shared to some degree by all humans and go a long way to describing how someone can be in the fog like some people are. You may even find some things about yourself in there. Don't know the author but I'm sure you could find it on Amazon or BN.

bmp?

I too really thought this book was thought provoking [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I assume I've read it, because I've read everything.<p>I have a used book store with 35,000 books, and I wish I had a buck for everytime I've been asked if I've read them all. I say "Almost, I should be through the last by Tuesday." [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lor (Lor):
I too really thought this book was thought provoking [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I assume I've read it, because I've read everything.
<hr></blockquote><p>
Smart Alec! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 14, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

is this it?<p>http://www.divorcebusting.com/awoman'sguide.html<p>was searching bm threads to see any mention of a book, found this one...but doesn't seem to be about co-dependentcy....I only searched gqII though.

My guess is "Co-dependent No More" or "The Language of Letting Go"<p>I hope BMWM stops by to enlighten us.<p>E

The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie<p>Oooo, yeah!
That's the one that changed MY life! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I read it when I was single tho... I think my opinion of it would be slightly different now seeing it all through MB eyes... Still, I thought it was very thought-provoking and helped me understand that I was enabling someone to repeatedly hurt me, by going back and back for more of their abuse. & I had no one to blame for my hurt but myself!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

WELL [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I am so so so sorry. I am laughing. I can't believe I did that. K, the name of the book is called "Co-dependency No More", by Melody Bettie.<p>It is an easy read, so easy, that I could not put it down. I actually told the lady that recommended me the book: "I think they followed me around when they were writing it!".....<p>Anyway, happy reading. The book that I am reading now is called, "In The Meantime." I am only on chapter three but it has already struck a couple of issues inside me. I look forward to healing myself. Hope all of you get the same thing out of "Co-dependency No More".

Just wanted to add that the main thing that I learned from this book is that I CANNOT control my H's thoughts, feelings, or actions.... or anyone's. He is who HE IS. I have been practising this. I want him to be free of "you should have...", etc.. He is doing/acting/ saying it because of whatever reason. It is not my job or responsibility to make him GET IT. I think that he lacks common sense but I realized that some people lack manners, personal hygeine, etc.... so just because it is called "common sense", does not mean that it is common. <p>
My friend asked me this, "If your H asked you to start wearing short shirts to work, would you?" I said, "No." (She knows I do not dress that way- personal choice). Then she said, "But if he persisted, bought you one, did enough whining, would you?" I said, "Maybe". She then said, "Picture yourself wearing this short shirt at the office. How do you feel?" I said , "I feel like a duck, I feel uncomfortable, my skin is exposed, I feel naked, I feel like everyone is looking at me." Then she said (kind-of-loud), "You feel ALL OF THIS because you are trying to be something that YOU ARE NOT!!! So stop trying to make your H something that he is NOT. What he is comes naturally... and maybe he will change, but he will change when he wants, not when you ask him to, or whine. Stop waiting for the potential H.... the man that you can make him. Respect him for WHO HE IS. The same as you don't want to wear the short shirt for him." Well, that knocked my on my butt.<p>I see my H through different eyes now, and I want the real him to be what I see everyday so I can learn who he is. IF I do not like what I see, I can say just that, but that is all. No fighting, no long talks about how many beer he can have on a weekday, it is not my job to control his life. He does what he WANTS. <p>He is scared. The preaching has stopped. The bickering has stopped, the "you should have" has stopped. The acceptance is there. He asked about the book..... I told him he could read it if he wanted. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Glad the book helped you, I guess I need to read it again... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I have rea it, and still try to control his bad habits ruining our marriage.. and bad c hoices... I have to let go and look at WHO HE is... I married who he told me he was... and he acted different then promised... I tried to fix us into a norm life... my idea of good life... we never really got to good... his idea of life... is kind of a neverending party-... in some aspects. Well, i too, am not here to mommy and fix him... lots of time better spent on making me who i want to be myself.<p>thanks for the reminder, and glad you got back and told is how good this book was for you.<p>H

This is kind of funny.<p>I went over to my H's apartment about 2 weeks ago and he had no bar soap in the washroom. He had the liquid soap dispenser in the shower and when I went into to washroom, he came in behind me and put it back on the counter. That is how I knew he had no soap. I said to myself, " I am not buying him any. He needs to learn how to take care of himself (which I see he is not doing)." One week later, still no bar soap and the liquid soap was back in the shower. I was not buying him any, nor did he ask me to.<p>I went to my counsellor appointment and told her about this. She said that he was taking care of himself. He was surviving. But not the way that I would have done it. And so because he was not taking care of himself the way I would have taken care of myself, I looked at it as wrong. So, lots of things that I have spent time and energy on changing are only because I am trying to control "how he even takes care of himself". <p>He ended up borrowing a bar of soap from me, which I did not mind. I snickered inside. But now I see how much of every day life was hard for me because I wanted everything done my way, and could not see that there way was OK.