H has told me his needs are: signs of affection, appreciation, encouragement. I sent him an email asking if his needs where being met lately and he responded he is not sure. I then replied "please tell me what those needs being met looks like" and I copied and pasted 13 statements of encouraging words/emails/very specific/genuine/not at all fake i have sent him over the last 11 days.
Then he replies back okay i remember those comments.. thanks.<p>then I reply: seriously though. its ok if that doesn't work for you. Your different than me. If there are other ways for me to meet your needs, please let me know specifics. <p>then he reply's that's fine guess i just needed reminding<p>ok I know I need to give him room to make mistakes but what about my needs? I posted a topic called setting for crumbs? unrealistic expectations. I think I will bump up cause I am really struggeling here.

How timely to see your post on this. During horrible discussion last night, WH said he felt like I didn't appreciate the things he does (cooking dinner, picking the kids up from school). I told him I really did appreciate them, but that I clearly wasn't making that known, and asked how he wanted me to express that appreciation to meet his needs. He said he didn't know, I should just keep trying things and if something worked he would tell me.<p>Egads - kind of a difficult task without any guidelines.

I know my H did not feel appreciated when he left... and since he is southern... lots of thank yous and appreciative words... are very natural for him... part of his initial charm to me... and other women... good manners when he chooses to use them! <p>Anyway... try lots of thank you's and I really appreciate it when for appreciation... even try talking good about him to the kids... when he can hear you... let him know you appreciate his efforts to work on your M... and how he wants to reconcile... <p>Is it just now that he is home he is fine? Is it that he thinks all this relationship talk is too much for him and his male persona?<p>GOod luck, we will talk tomorrow... and I will ck in again soon.<p>Hugs, Honey

Hey, and don't forget that men like "appreciation" in different forms than us women. MEN - JOIN IN - GIVE HER SOME HELP HERE!! for example, us ladies like flowers, men don't. As for affection, my hubby got specific, he wanted me to caress and kiss him on his FACE. Seemed trivial to me, but it is very doable and since he likes it, I like doing it. Cards and such don't mean much to my hubby, but a hand written note, soaked in my perfume with hearts drawn on it and lipstick accents kissed on to it make his day. Buy him something and attach a note to it like "for the most dependable "kid picker upper" in the state. Thanks a million." Be romantic with him. And throw you thank you's right in the middle of all of it!!

Hmm ok Ill bite on that last bit: advice on what it takes to make a guy feel appreciated... <p>Love/thank you notes do help. Thank you acts of affection like: Whispering "thanks for ****" when you are sneaking in kisses or hugs or even MORE [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] are great. We're guys remember? Nothing too subtle.
Ego boosting appreciation are usually things obvious. We're not above loving to hear you call us your hero, or hearing how great we are.<p>Bragging about us to your friends while we are in earshot is ALWAYS a biggie too. <p>One example from my semi recent past: My wife was REALLY sick from the flu. I stayed up through the night getting her water, helping her around, I cooked soup and cleaned up the apt, gave her massages when she was achey,and served food in bed for a few days. When her friends called to talk, all she said was that she had been feeling cruddy but was taking it easy so she was getting better.
Now she DID say thank you to me to my face, but I know at the time I wished she had shown a little more appreciateive of me to her friends and at least give me some notable mention in her sick stories.<p>Good luck!<p>-HI

Let me throw a bit of a different spin on this. You're trying to meet needs he can't even fully define in ways he's unsure work or not. Can we say IMPOSSIBLE situation? You're being set up to lose...not intentionally, but still. My H tried to fill needs I defined vaguely for him...and still I was unfulfilled. It took ME learning to fulfill MY OWN needs and find my own "happiness" place for ANYTHING he'd ever try to do to even have an effect. I'm in a happy place now with NO expectations so when he DOES do something it actually DOES surprise and thrill me. I'd like him to do MORE, but I'm HAPPY with what he does do. If your H is still unhappy then what he needs won't come from you...or anyone else.

THANK YOU HANGING IN!!! YOU ARE MY MALE MARRIAGE BUILDERS ALL AROUND GREAT GUY HERO!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] (How's that?) <p>Seriously, thanks for taking the bait, I'll bet some of that will help her. (It will help me too!!)

HI, Just cking in and wondering if you are having a good weekend...is it any better...? I don't know if you ck in much on the weekend.<p>Hugs, H