I'm planning on meeting with WW tonight after sending her e-nail re-iterating feelings about the affair (with care to avoid LB'ers and continue Plan A), the need for counseling, while cautioning her that continuing the A will eventually wear away my ability to continue loving her.<p>Anyway, for those who know about SAA, should I "suggest" she read the book? (the only one I have at the moment) Or is another MB-type book appropriate? Or should I simply re-emphasize the need for counseling, especially MB counseling? She is the type who CAN be put-off by self-help or "manual" books of any sort. But then, who knows, today she seemed to appreciate the gravity of the situation. She's fence-sitting.

This is probably to late for you, but I would just plan A, and have no expectations. You can suggest, but no demands. Counseling for both would be nice, but work on yourself first. <p> I am really curious how others will respond. My WH left 2 months ago, & he took my copy of SAA with him. He finally begain to read it last night. Usually he calls each night, but not last night. I mentioned in an e-mail about not wanting to do something finanical. His reponse was -"Will maybe he should just go to plan B."
Ouch!<p>I have to remind myself how I felt when I first read SAA - it takes awhile for the ideas to make sense. Right now I can tell he is very angry.<p>Two night ago WH said he love me also & now talking about plan B. <p>Mark I was truely exploding last summer, that book really did help me along with this board to survive. WH has been a fence sitter for a long long time. As of Feb. 1, I set up my boundries & only know is he willing to read any self - help books or the bible.<p>I hope other BS will offer more insight about after the WS read SAA.

SAA, After the Affair, and Torn Asunder. You can't go wrong with any of them. SAA is more about how they start and how they end. After Affair does the best job, in my opinion, on helping you chart a course or recovery (along with His Needs, Her Needs and Love Busters).

Educating your spouse is an LB. Unless your WS asks, you shouldn't be pushing books at them.<p>Trust me, it won't work anyway. There's nothing to be done until the affair dies its own death.<p>All you can do is decide how long you are willing to wait - do a great Plan A while waiting, and then Plan B and get on with your life.

ditto Rosie - it's FAR too early, I suspect, to try to counteract the Mothership.<p>I have never been able to find the exact words to communicate this thought. If your WS is typical - and the track record suggests she is - your attempts to communicate rationally with her will sound to her like a Tickle Me Elmo reading the phone book backwards. <p>Don't bother.<p>I've learned here, after many months of reading and communicating with other BSs, that until the fog starts to clear you may as well be talking to a wall. This is why you will also read the accounts of former WSs who cannot fathom what they said a few months before to their BSs. Total gibberish. <p>Take it to the bank.<p>The sooner you can accept this affair "fact" the sooner you'll gain control of your emotions.<p>In fact, you may be doing more harm than good to try to communicate ANYTHING to your WS other than your love while attempting to meet whatever ENs you're allowed to.

Fortunately, I did read some of the replies before I had a talk with WS. Managed to get back on track with Plan A and proceeded with caution.<p>Thanks.

Good for you.<p>Another thing you might want to think about.<p>I've seen it on here too often. The BS gets the WS to read one of the books and then turns on the BS using the books to actually justify them having an A in the first place.<p>Nothing but working on yourself in a TRUE Plan A will work right now. <p>You cannot educate someone that does not want to be educated. You cannot MAKE someone want something they do not want.<p>You have control over only yourself....so make you and your children your priority right now. Your WW will do whatever she pleases anyway.

Prissy - how are you??<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Miss Priss:
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I've seen it on here too often. The BS gets the WS to read one of the books and then turns on the BS using the books to actually justify them having an A in the first place.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yep - she probably remembers me saying this. Sad, but true. I gave my former W a copy of HN/HN and not only did she not return it, in her one conversation with Steve, she used it to justify that she and I could NEVER meet each other's needs. Can you say, "revisionist history"?<p>BSs should assume that there is NO LIMIT to a WS's ability to twist logic to justify their behavior.<p>WAT

WAT,<p>I'm very well, thank you for asking. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How are you and your son? Well I hope. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>And you are right....your situation is what reminded me of reading the book and using it to justify their situation.