I am sorry I did not answer this one earlier... nor did you get responses... I saw it, and meant to get back to your posts. I am so sorry that your friend does not understand what you are going through.<p>Is she married?
Has she been betrayed? <p>I really find it hard for someone who has not to completely understand what we as bs go through... it is as if... our spouses can walk all over us and give us crumbs... my counselors exact words for what my H gives me... she says he just throws crumbs out... when I step back... she says those are to lure me back in... when truth is...he wants to take take take... and does not have as much to give... as I need... he tries... when I back off. I think you mentioned your H pursuing you when you back off... and become unobtainable... or angry at his WRONG treatment of you.<p>Probably because for so long your needs have been neglected... you are tired of giving... I think you want someof the goods he promises you while in pursuit. Rightfully so. When it comes time for the REAL MARRIAGE... and this is the only chance we get in this lifetime... you need more.<p>I agree.... I can see your friend's point- but I do see her being overly focused on forgiveness and not addressing the betrayal. Having your H sleep with another woman is not just getting your feelings hurt.<p>I hope you and your friend can patch this up. It seems your friend is not fully understanding of all the wrongs... that have happened.... <p>It takes work... and NO, you can't just take him back... the same.... and live as roommates... and not improve the relationship. <p>Sometimes... we women can want it too fast or try too hard. I know I am, and It is like I am oout of control trying to fix it. I am trying to find fulfillment in other areas of life.. which are not the relationship.- ie. career goals.. my health and appearance, etc.<p>But, they have to want to make it better too. Sometimes... the more I give my H he suddenly gives me what I needed... <p>Sadly throughout our whole marriage... if we were making love on a steady basis.. he was mr. wonderful... however...if he mistreated me.. and I withheld... well he turned into a meanie... well this got to me... and eventually I retreated more from the sf... when he is mr. wonderful... i want to give the sf... but...
it is like an endless dance... between us... I even feel right now.. that to get to where I want the marriage it is going to take more work on my part than his.. but maybe that is the way his male brains works...<p>Sorry to get off the subject of your girlfriend... I just have the feeling she does not believe in divorce... and that is a strong feeling... and also I think she knows not how bad this really hurts...it has devestated me more than I ever knew I could be. <p>Take care of you, maybe in time your friend will understand your hurt. I have also found one of my friends to be less than understanding about this situation... she is so against my H... and wanting me to dump him... that it hurts... my Mom is this way too....<p>
thanks for being a good friend to me!
Hugs, H
