Well, today is my wife's birthday. It is also the 17th anniversary of the day I asked her to marry me and spend the rest of her life with me.<p>Today I thank God that she is still with me, yet I wonder if we will be able to make it for the rest of our lives. I am back on the roller coaster of emotions that controlled me in the days following D-Day. Not because of her A, but because of what I consider a complete lack of progress in her commitment to me and our marriage. I am tired of being the "giver", and getting nothing back. I'm tired of "agape", unconditional love. I'm tired of accepting that my needs won't be met. I'm tired.<p>But I know that I may have a long haul ahead of me, so I need to develop stamina for these tough times. Unfortunately, I have no one outside this forum to tell these things too. I want to be built up, praised, encouraged, thanked, tenderly touched, and made love to. (I can get the first 4 on this forum, but not the last 2 - RATS).<p>But enough about me. Today is for my wife. When I proposed to her 17 years ago, the day started with a present at breakfast, another at lunch, the engagement ring at dinner, and a single rose before bed.<p>Today I have tried to recreate that day, sort of. When my wife awkened, she had a present waiting. When she comes back from walking with her girlfriends, there will be flowers. When we have dinner, presents. And when she turns back the covers, a single red rose. Maybe emotions will be kindled. But I have learned not to expect too much.<p>My struggle today: thoughts of the OM. He had told her back in the heated days of the A that he hoped to be celebrating her next b'day together, with no restraints.<p>Of course, that ain't happening. But I still wonder what my W would do if he showed up today, or called.<p>At this point, I have to let it go, and let God take care of it.<p>For the umpteenth time, I have to thank all you good people here who take the time to read my posts, and reply. You have no idea what a lifeline and a blessing you have been in my life.<p>I have learned what true love is all about on these pages. I have also learned how to survive without such love.<p>God Bless.
