In the past, very early in the A, I was able to monitor W's email. I have been reading several posts that tell of BS's doing this to reassure that WS's are not continuing the A. About a month ago, I lost ALL ability to monitor my WS while at work. I am just having to deal with this the best way I can.<p>Does anyone have any suggestions, besides gut feeling to tell if A is continuing? Or, should I just give in and trust her?<p>[ April 12, 2002: Message edited by: I Spy ]</p>

No, you don't have to give in and trust her. If you have lingering doubts, share such with her. You can even ask her if you can install the software on her computer at work. If she is not prideful and is wanting to help you rebuild trust (and as long as you don't convey it as punishment), she may be receptive to having such installed at work. She need not know the password or how to access it.

I Spy:<p>Same exact thing happened to me, right about a month ago! W got angry that I was snooping and found that email she sent to OM on my birthday, and sent another the following week to OM to tell him to send only to her work address (a new address, so they hadn't been using it before). If I believe her, and I think I do right now, he hasn't replied in over a month, and may suspect that I found their dialog and so he's scared. I sure hope so.<p>As I've said elsewhere, my W is adamant that she be able to send whatever to whomever she feels like, including OM, without telling me anything. Since I can't make headway on our R with the OM "problem" unresolved, my IC recommended I ask her to NOT mention him to me anymore (for the time being). The strategy will be that she KNOWS what I feel about OM and what I need her to do about him to stay in our M, and so the ball is in her court as to what to do and when. With him out of the conversations for a while, I can Plan A with much less LBing, make her feel safer in our M, and THEN reintroduce the no contact issue... or move to plan B. <p>Again, your situation is far more serious than mine at the present, because while my W isn't communicating with OM, we can make some progress. If and when she does talk to him again and feels "the pull" to resume the EA or PA, hopefully her choice to resume will be a lot harder, and/or this guy will be showing his true colors so blatantly that she won't want to see or hear from him again. Then, it will be her choice, not my demand. That's what I hope for, but Plan B and possible DV doesn't scare me so much anymore, either.<p>Take care, this is so damned tough! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]