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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3 |
My husband & I have been married 14 years. He is a wonderful man. He travels a lot for work and resently had an affair (not fling). He is very upset at himself. Does not understand why I still love him. He has been either depressed and or in midlife crisis, in hindsight, for about 4 years. Lots of stresses in our life his promotion is requiring us to sell home and move to different state and he is not sure if I should go. We have been referred to therapy by EAP but have yet to attend. He has refused to take antidepressents. How do I help him through all of this and kept our marriage intact?
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 840
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Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 840 |
tricky one that one<p>many men (myself included) see themselves as strong tough alpha males, going out into the bush to chase wild animals, provide for the family, earn recognition (metaphorically speaking). the tough thing is that nowadays that's not always what their wives want. so, your H has clearly a need to raise his ego by going for the promotion. that's his basic mechanism to make sure he fills your emotional need for financial/other security [he thinks]. now, that may be in clear conflict with your needs.<p>but under the given circumstances, to put him in front of a choice, is VERY tough (it would be in my situation)<p>how do you feel about moving with him? what about all the neigbours & friends & social network you would leave behind? <p>maybe it would be a good start to start from fresh (new house, new location and all)
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3 |
nfrei, Thank You. Yes, his ego has been low..looks at aging skin (41yrs) asked for retinol A etc., 8 years ago we moved to an area I did not want to move to (for his 1st promotion) so was excited about move from no where land to a place with recreation and opportunity (I work). Also have a good girlfried whose husband was tranferred to the area and we plan on being there for each other. He says he does not think it is fair to move me away from family (6 hours drive anyway) that his unhappiness might bring me down. Plan on going away. Thanks again. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
trying - hmmmmmm. Not necessarily a "male" thing.<p>Can you tell us more about the affair and how you two have responded to it?<p>By "recently," are you implying that you believe the affair is over?<p>Have you become knowledgable of the MB principles?
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