Well, many of you know that my 6 year wedding anniversary is tomorrow. This past week has been rather difficult for my BH. He has been caught up on ill feelings and TRYING to get them to go away already. He has talked to me about how much he did last year to make our anniversary special, but now it seems for nothing (that was before d-day). He worries about the spring/summer season coming because he said it is hunting season (guys looking for gals, etc.) and I work in downtown Cleveland, Ohio. We talked last night about this some and it was a really good conversation. I expressed that I understand his fears, and I don't blame him. I told him that I know many times he doesn't talk about certain things because he wants to protect my feelings, but that it's ok to talk. He doesn't need to protect me, that we can get through it together. I told him things like what's hardest for me is when I think of it this way. . . "that I was the one person who was supposed to love you unconditionally. The one person you were supposed to be able to count on. The one person who was supposed to be there for you in good and bad. The one person who was not supposed to betray you - and I did just that." At this point I was in tears. He held me and told me he loves me. We shared quite a bit last night, rather deep conversation. He wants so badly to be done with this (the hurt, bad thoughts, etc.) I told him that he needs to ALLOW it to go away. That the more he TRIES to MAKE it go away, the tighter of a hold it will take on him. If he ALLOWS it to at it's own pace, it will. It may take time, and I realize this, but that's ok. He again smiled and hugged and kissed me. I also told him that he is the better man all around. He asked if I really think so, and I said I know. Last night was a good night. Later in the evening when he was in the basement he was singing, but I couldn't make out what. When I asked him he told me he was singing "Every Rose Has It's Thorn". I said, "let me guess, I'm the thorn"? He replied "you are the rose and the thorn, because you can't have a thorn without a rose". I smiled and got teary. Then I said, "I thought you were the rose and I was the thorn". He smiled back at me.<p>Anyhow, thanks for reading. It was a very positive evening, and I really wanted to share it with all of you. Now, I can't wait till tomorrow to celebrate my marriage (especially now that we both see it's beauty). Thank you all for so much you have given me in support, wisdom and compassion.

Tutter-Bug .... you're going to be a H U G E success story!<p>Love ya!<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks for the support Pepper. It feels good, and is very inspiring. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

tutter - nicely done.<p>WAT

Totally awesome tutter!<p>Yaknow....my husband is quite a rose himself...but for some reason I smell more of the fertilizer he's planted in [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Still working off those easter eggs I guess....heee heeee [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you WAT and Hope.<p>Also, I forgot to add, my husband also mentioned that he just can't get past the fact that he just wasn't good enough then so how can he be good enough now. I simply looked at him and said "did you ever stop to think that it was ME that wasn't good enough?" I think it made some sense to him. <p>You know, my husband and son are truly the most wonderful gifts God has given me, outside of my parents. <p>Thank you all for sharing with me. I am in such good spirits, and feel so positive about life.
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

tutter- way to go girl. pepper is right!!!!

Thanks for posting that Tutter, it sounds so close to a conversation my H and I had recently it was eery. Our 6 year anniversary is coming up in June, and I'm sure my BH will have some issues around that time too. Your post reminded me to be mindful of that. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 12, 2002: Message edited by: findingmywayback ]</p>

Nikko - Thanks a ton. <p>Ok gals/guys, my weekend starts now! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Everyone have a great one. Me, I'm going to pick up my son from school (which my hubby usually does after work) and then go see my hubby at work. I think it will be a pleasant surprise.<p>Talk to you all on Monday, and I will be certain to post a anniversary update. Have a great one! Remember, anything is possible - I truly believe that these days. I love life! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I love my HUSBAND! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I'm just so very happy these days, and so glad you are all here to share it with me. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] Oh yeah - can't forget - I LOVE LOVING MY HUSBAND (use your imaginations)! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care and have a great weekend.

Your 100% right tutter13,
Your husband can't make his pain go away it will just fade slowly over time. I am the WS of our recovery and the one thing I have learned is I can't hurry my W's recovery, neither can she. I know that there are times I wish it would all go away. It just hurts so bad to see what I have put her through. I feel that by accepting that it won't helps me to focus my efforts on the actual healing. I do know how ever that we can slow our recovery down with LB (I learned that the hard way). It's important for you two to express how you feel during this rollercoster ride called recovery. I can't imagine what my A did to my wife but I try everyday. I also make sure to share my feelings with her, this helps her understand how sorry I really am and it seems to calm her. It also reassures her I am here for the long run. This is the hardest thing I have ever been faced with in my entire life and I hope we are another success story as I think you and your husband will be. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]