Been reading and reading Space..... I know how you feel believe me. I have been at it now for over two months with my WS and it just seems to have no end. Although she does admit that she may "decide" to give our relationship another chance and rebuild our M.<p>Here is my story: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=017906<p>Hope I see the same type of light that you are seeing.... I am SURE it feels very good.<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MrFlorida:
<strong>
Hope I see the same type of light that you are seeing.... I am SURE it feels very good.<p>Mr. Florida [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Thanks for dropping in, Mr. F; I left you a note in your thread.

One of the things I have learned as I've gone through this process of my W's A over the last 9 months is that there is really very little we can plan, predict, or anticipate with any degree of accuracy in this.<p>I posted something to that effect yesterday on another thread, and it got me to thinking that it might be worthwhile to discuss it for the benefit of others who, like me, wanted all the answers, all the steps, and I wanted them NOW.<p>Affairs and the people involved in them have a surprisingly predictable script in many, many ways. The things the WS will say or do, the signs that point to an A, the reaction of the BS when they find out, the demise of the A, etc.
But even though this is true, each individual circumstance is totally different in that not everyone will do the same things, or at the same time, or in the same order.<p>I know I was always trying to ask others for a lot of details about how things happened, what happened next, what could I expect, etc. Until I finally began to get it that what I was trying to do was impossible. Nobody else's exact experience or events were going to be like mine, and I could not really plan out my strategy and steps beyond the next few days.<p>I wonder if this is more a male trait, or if it is a BS trait and female BSs do the same, or if it is just certain personalities like mine that want to have it all planned out?<p>I guess the important point is that BSs have to learn to take it day by day, sometimes hour by hour, and although we can have a general idea of what might happen based on others' experiences, we can't really plan beyond a few days.<p>Say last week, before my WW's fog-lisfting conversation. I had no idea that was coming. Steve probably knew something was going to happen after his session with her, but I was caught totally off guard. What I had in mind for the next few days was how I was going to deal with the information about her contact with the OM; how I was going to handle it personally, what Steve was going to say about it, if and how I would confront her with it, and what the consequences might be.<p>But of course, all of that planning, strategizing went out the window after her talk with me. That added a whole new dimension and a whole new situation to the drama being played out...so it was back to the drawing board to think it through again.<p>I guess the point is that although we can become informed, learn, try to predict, plan and strategize, we also have to learn to be flexible, and willing to change everything on a moments notice when something not in our playbook plays out.<p>Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and hang on to your hats!

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Plan for the worst, hope for the best, and hang on to your hats!<hr></blockquote><p>This deserves signature line status! This is one of the best things I've heard! I will be sure to use this quote in the future!!!!

Like this?

Hi SC,
Just to say hi, and let you know I'm rooting for you, too. I'm not as analytical about things as you guys seem to be - actually, that's not true - i just do it off-line. LOL [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But seriously, I get a lot out of all the questions you raise, and yes, I agree that although there are similarities, and one of the most helpful things for me has been the feedback from people who have experienced v similar things, each A is individual and presents its own problems.<p>For me, I look at my R with my H this way - he and I had problems from the beginning - in fact, we had problems from BEFORE we got married - it's just that we ignored the warning signs. He has a lot of problems entirely of his own - his baggage that he brought with him to the M, and I have mine - for this, we each need individual counselling. Our M is never going to be healthy until we each individually handle what is going on with ourselves in our own souls - which translated means, taking responsibility for our own problems and not laying the blame at the other's door, and taking responsibility for our own behaviour with regard to our spouse.<p>For us, focusing on the A is trying to cure a symptom, but not the disease. The hard part is that is that as long as the pain of the symptom is there, it's almost impossible to start treating the disease, we just keep battling with the pain of the symptom.<p>I had my first counselling session today - and I feel like I am now working on the next step of this giant race - because that is what it really is - this is like running a marathon hurdling race - I have come over some of the hurdles on my way around the stadium, but there are more to come. <p>In my race that I'm running, my first hurdle was to get my H into individual counselling (it took moving to plan B to get this - I told him I wanted him to leave and why, in a very calm way, and that was when he realized he couldn't continue with his happy little side relationship without serious consequences - I did not move to that to punish him - punishing him is the last thing on my mind ever - it was simply b/c I could not take it anymore and felt we were getting nowhere) - I didn't feel that I could go into counselling for myself until he went in, realized he had a problem and stayed in - so now he is in and it looks like he is going to stay in, and it looks like he is starting to realize he has a problem (with abusive behaviour) - at the same time, I love my H v much and I am praying that he is also finding the support he needs to confront the abuse he himself suffered, which has made him such a defensive and needy person that he strikes out in anger and fear whenever anyone comes close enough to touch his raw nerves.<p>Now my next hurdle is to get the support I need in counselling while at the same time keeping him in his IC - because with his track record of shifting the blame to me, he could now say to himself, good, I got her in, now I can get out.<p>If we can both stay in, at some point, the goal is to get both of us into joint counselling - we are not ready for this yet. Until this happens, all discussion of his EAs is on hold. My life is now a lot easier to bear b/c the OW is at a safer distance, but that is no guarantee that they are not in e-mail contact - unless I conduct some form of surveillance, I will have no way of really knowing. <p>I feel very fragile at this point - my life has been Hell for the last year and I can't take any knowledge of what kind of affectionate things they may be saying to each other, even if their R is petering out. I am just looking right now at the affection and attention my H gives to me and accepting it at face value - if he tells me I am the only one in his life, I am going to accept that for now. I want to build my M, and so I take these words of his as things to build with, although I will always have that doubt there until we reach the point where he feels able to definitively prove to me that there really is NO OTHER WOMAN in his life, and until our M displays the hallmarks of a healthy R - real respect for each other (being able to considerately discuss with each other our thoughts and feelings without fear of harm or abuse, either verbal or physical), the ability to negotiate considerately with each other over our differing needs, expressing our love for each other in ways the other understands, spending special time with each other, caring for each other in times of need, protecting each other from harm, nurturing each other's life goals, helping the other achieve what they want out of life - this is what I want out of life - I have my goal before me, and I am running a hurdling race to get there - I am not ready to quit yet.<p>How far we are from this goal, you can judge for yourself by his reaction to me last Friday night, which I posted on my thread - we have a LONG way to go, but thinking of the task before me in this way helps me. I love my H and I am not ready to give up yet - I have not yet exhausted all possibilities for growth, put it that way, and I see him making an effort in a big way for him - looking for the positive in him every day helps me to get a more balanced perspective on him.<p>For you, the unique circumstances I would be concerned about with your wife is that her EA is with a prisoner behind bars - this is a little different - did you say this is someone she once had a R with - didn't you say that this is her former teenage boyfriend? - but isn't there some special dynamic about these kinds of relationships? Isn't this a special kind of R that some women find themselves attracted to (with men in prison)? This just isn't your "garden-variety" EA (not trying to be flippant) - I'm sure that with SH's experience, he is aware of this, but have you done any research into this kind of attraction - b/c I would think your W needs counselling that can deal with this kind of sensitive issue, and that might help you to be more aware of what you are dealing with, and how best to approach things.<p>I think you are doing amazingly well, and you are doing the right thing by being cautious. But also, it must be a huge step forward for her to say those things, after her previous reaction of "hysterical screaming" when you questioned her "right to privacy".<p>Hope this helps.
Odile

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by odile:
<strong>
...For me, I look at my R with my H this way - he and I had problems from the beginning - in fact, we had problems from BEFORE we got married - it's just that we ignored the warning signs. He has a lot of problems entirely of his own - his baggage that he brought with him to the M, and I have mine - for this, we each need individual counselling. Our M is never going to be healthy until we each individually handle what is going on with ourselves in our own souls - which translated means, taking responsibility for our own problems and not laying the blame at the other's door, and taking responsibility for our own behaviour with regard to our spouse.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>There is no question that we all bring "baggage" into our M and Rs. And you're right; many times this baggage is significant enough that it has to be dealt with as it relates to the M. From my W's side she has issues with her mother (her dad died after a long fight with cancer just a few months after she was born, and she was shuffled off to be raised by her grandmother, and did not return to live with her mother until she was about 12). So there are definite issues there. In addition, her mother has had a long history of serious illness, back problems, all kinds of stuff that she has used to keep her children in a state of pins and needles, guilt trips, the wole thing. So definitely, there are issues and they affect us. Same for me; nothing as traumatic as that, but I've had my issues as well. <p>We definitely need to address those over the long term in order to be better marriage partners and in order to not allow these things to affect our M and R.<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
For us, focusing on the A is trying to cure a symptom, but not the disease. The hard part is that is that as long as the pain of the symptom is there, it's almost impossible to start treating the disease, we just keep battling with the pain of the symptom.<p>I had my first counselling session today - and I feel like I am now working on the next step of this giant race - because that is what it really is - this is like running a marathon hurdling race - I have come over some of the hurdles on my way around the stadium, but there are more to come. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>The A is IN PART, a symptom of those past issues, but it is also a symptom of the things going on between us and our M partners as well. Both things play a part and we cannot ignore the "new" issues brought about within the Marriage in favor of only the "old" issues we brought with us from before the M.<p>And when dealing with an A, we also have to be pragmatic. First things first; we have to deal with the A, and deal with the immediate pain and possibility of dissolution of the M, while at the same time recognizing that there are other issues that have to be delat with over time. It's a matter of priorities, I guess. If we start dealing with the "old" baggage first, and ignore some of the "new" stuff, it may be months or tears until we get to the new stuff, and I don't think any M can survive that. I mean you and I can deal with our Spouses having EAs for a few months, maybe. But if we had to allow that to continue for a year or more, while we reach that stage of the treatment, it would be devastating to us and to the M. So priorities have to be set.<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
In my race that I'm running, my first hurdle was to get my H into individual counselling (it took moving to plan B to get this - I told him I wanted him to leave and why, in a very calm way, and that was when he realized he couldn't continue with his happy little side relationship without serious consequences - I did not move to that to punish him - punishing him is the last thing on my mind ever - it was simply b/c I could not take it anymore and felt we were getting nowhere) - I didn't feel that I could go into counselling for myself until he went in, realized he had a problem and stayed in - so now he is in and it looks like he is going to stay in, and it looks like he is starting to realize he has a problem (with abusive behaviour) - at the same time, I love my H v much and I am praying that he is also finding the support he needs to confront the abuse he himself suffered, which has made him such a defensive and needy person that he strikes out in anger and fear whenever anyone comes close enough to touch his raw nerves.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I think you did the right thing; get him to couseling and to stay in counseling. But I don't believe you can just let the EA go on until all this is worked out. While he's in counseling for the "old" stuff, you have to deal with the A and some of the new stuff. The critical things that are hurting you and the R now. You need to stop the bleeding first; then you do the surgery and the post surgical recovery work, which takes longer.<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Now my next hurdle is to get the support I need in counselling while at the same time keeping him in his IC - because with his track record of shifting the blame to me, he could now say to himself, good, I got her in, now I can get out.<p>If we can both stay in, at some point, the goal is to get both of us into joint counselling - we are not ready for this yet. Until this happens, all discussion of his EAs is on hold. My life is now a lot easier to bear b/c the OW is at a safer distance, but that is no guarantee that they are not in e-mail contact - unless I conduct some form of surveillance, I will have no way of really knowing. <p>I feel very fragile at this point - my life has been Hell for the last year and I can't take any knowledge of what kind of affectionate things they may be saying to each other, even if their R is petering out. I am just looking right now at the affection and attention my H gives to me and accepting it at face value - if he tells me I am the only one in his life, I am going to accept that for now. I want to build my M, and so I take these words of his as things to build with, although I will always have that doubt there until we reach the point where he feels able to definitively prove to me that there really is NO OTHER WOMAN in his life, and until our M displays the hallmarks of a healthy R - real respect for each other (being able to considerately discuss with each other our thoughts and feelings without fear of harm or abuse, either verbal or physical), the ability to negotiate considerately with each other over our differing needs, expressing our love for each other in ways the other understands, spending special time with each other, caring for each other in times of need, protecting each other from harm, nurturing each other's life goals, helping the other achieve what they want out of life - this is what I want out of life - I have my goal before me, and I am running a hurdling race to get there - I am not ready to quit yet. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Your initial goal of getting and keeping him in counseling is good. But moving to joint counseling as soon as possible is also necessary. You can't leave "your life on hold" and your feelings of what is going on between them unattended for very long. I think you goal should be to stabilize him somewhat in individual counseling, and then, simultaneously, doing joint counseling so you can deal with the R issues that have to be dealt with. That is my opinion, you may be willing to wait for fear of his leaving counseling entirely, but you shoul;d not wait too long. You'll be hurt too much.<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>How far we are from this goal, you can judge for yourself by his reaction to me last Friday night, which I posted on my thread - we have a LONG way to go, but thinking of the task before me in this way helps me. I love my H and I am not ready to give up yet - I have not yet exhausted all possibilities for growth, put it that way, and I see him making an effort in a big way for him - looking for the positive in him every day helps me to get a more balanced perspective on him.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>This is good. Patience is necessary and a blessing. It takes a lot of small steps to reach the goal.<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>For you, the unique circumstances I would be concerned about with your wife is that her EA is with a prisoner behind bars - this is a little different - did you say this is someone she once had a R with - didn't you say that this is her former teenage boyfriend? - but isn't there some special dynamic about these kinds of relationships? Isn't this a special kind of R that some women find themselves attracted to (with men in prison)? This just isn't your "garden-variety" EA (not trying to be flippant) - I'm sure that with SH's experience, he is aware of this, but have you done any research into this kind of attraction - b/c I would think your W needs counselling that can deal with this kind of sensitive issue, and that might help you to be more aware of what you are dealing with, and how best to approach things.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I haven't really investigated this. I do know that it seems to be very easy for any of us to re-ignite an "old flame" from our high-school or college years, and that is really all I see this as. The fantasy of those seemingly "perfect" relationships we had back then; when we had no worries, no pressures, just fun! How blind we are to the realities of life!<p>But I will look into this. Perhaps there's research out there about it. I think the fact that he's in prison is just incidental to my W. She sees her old boyfriend and probably believes any stories he must have told her about the injustice of being in proison, how he's really innocent, and she believes it because it's just her old buddy/boyfriend.<p><strong> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I think you are doing amazingly well, and you are doing the right thing by being cautious. But also, it must be a huge step forward for her to say those things, after her previous reaction of "hysterical screaming" when you questioned her "right to privacy".</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm doing OK I think. I am much more ready to leave or Plan B than I was before, and I'll do it if I have to. I'm realistic; and I'm cynical. I don't have much belief in the inherent goodness of man, and I have very little faith in my wife's ability and desire to "get it" and make serious changes. But I will give her as much time and support as I can, and give her the benefir of the doubt as long as I see some progress; even if it's slow and knee-jerk.<p>I have no illusions about her changing very quickly. Steve is still fighting her "privacy" thing, which is just her "societally acceptable" way of saying "I don't want to give this up, I don't want to deal with it, leave me alone". No progress there yet at all.

SC and others:<p>check this out: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001648<p>and tell me what you think. Gotta go.

Dear Spacecase,
Good to get your input - I was trying to be positive to you about your situation, but ended up getting more from you than I think I gave you! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Thanks!
And yes, all your points well taken - you are right about everybody bringing baggage to a M, and not being able to put the EA "on hold" forever - that isn't what I really want to do - but I'm in a situation where it's become clear I am subjected to verbal and emotional abuse and he is physically threatening every time I try to broach the subject, and he has got to get past this b4 we can begin to talk - if I thought he was not going to get past this, I wouldn't still be here - believe me, my goal is to get us into joint counselling as soon as possible. I won't take living with this kind of threat hanging over me forever, but this is what I need my own counselling to support me with - how to deal with this.<p>I do think your doing some research into the area I suggested might be worthwhile - just to look for any patterns that might match up there with other cases of this same kind of attraction. For what it's worth, if your wife's attachment to this guy ends up not fitting the pattern (attachment/R with prisoner), you will be able to eliminate this as an explanation - if you do find she fits a pattern, it could help you with ideas as to how to deal with this.<p>Still rooting for ya!
Odile

Update-Session with Steve Today<p>OK, FAIR WARNING; I am going to vent here because I can't vent at home!!!!!! and venting to Steve is too expensive! ;-)<p>This is very frustrating!
Why is progress, even slow and minimal progress, so very difficult to achieve???
Just what does it mean for WW to say she "is responsible for the A", and she "is sorry to have hurt me", and yet be unwilling to end it, to talk about it, to do anything about it!?!?!?!<p>I'm serious; what in the world does she mean, or think it means, to say those things if they result in NO CHANGE IN ATTITUDE OR BEHAVIOR???<p>After several sessions with Steve, this week we were to begin a process of communication which was to start with discussing our individual EN and LB questionnaires...the first time in MONTHS that we would start to talk about us, our things, our R, in a meaningful fashion. Outside of the "1 hour per week" little lunch meeting I so painfully got her to concede to doing!<p>DDay was 9 months ago...I've been Plan Aing big time for over 5 months, have backed off completely from talking about the A, OM, etc. because it was very "annoying" to my WW. I have backed off almost completely from snooping, and I've backed off completely from confronting about what I have found. I've just been working my A-- off trying to let her know I love her, I understand, I want to be married to her, I mean...everything!<p>And what have I gotten in return? She's being "nice", I'm getting more SF, ...... lies have continued, contact has continued, calls, secrets, defensiveness, GEEZ!<p>Sorry; back to the story; so now Steve says we need to wait another week before we begin to work on EN / LB questionnaires, because he needs more time to work with WW on her "privacy" issue. OK, here's what I think of her "privacy" issue: IT'S BUNK!!!! ABSOLUTE, COMPLETE, UNADULTERATED BULL-----!!!! It's just her societally correct way of expressing what she can't openly express; "I want to continue my affair, I don't think it harms the M, I can't let my boyfriend down, even if it means ruining my M, and nobody has the right to ask me or tell me anything about it because I have to have my privacy" $#@#$%!!!@#^%*()()*&^%%$$###@@#@#$#$%%^%^%^^&^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>This SUCKS!!!<p>On top of everything, I'm supposed to get the contact information tomorrow (confirmed), which put together with the other stuff I already have, is surely going to put me over the edge. And Steve wants me to hold off on any type of confrontation about that, even if it's done in the most loving and non-confrontational manner, until after we discuss our mutual EN and LB questionnaires....I can't do this anymore. She wants her cake and wants to eat it, I'm all burned out from this plan A bull-----, I was ready for plan b weeks ago, and all I've gotten are empty words that sound nice but mean nothing, have no substance to back them up.<p>Steve asked me to call him when I get the info to discuss what I should do...but I know he will want me to wait...not sure I can. I was so happy last week...things seemed to be moving in the right direction...but it's all the same; just pretty words, lies to calm me down, no substance, no committment, no loyalty...nothing! Just "pass me more cake, pretty please!"

I am sorry you are so discouraged. You deserved to be. The WW seems to have it all...the best of you and the best of the fantasy she has created. It is okay to resent but stay focused on yourself and what you need. You have been very inspirational to me even though I am just begining.<p>She seems to feel like my WH. He will end it when he is ready and on his own terms. He resents people telling him what to do even though I think he knows his mistake. He won't be backed into a corner. He would rather have neither of us. <p>He has warmed to me lately but I fear it's short lived.<p>Hang in there. I hope for your happiness.

Great reply RNROSCOE!<p>{{{{{{Spacey}}}}}<p>Hey, I'm glad you vented here. You have every right to feel the way you do. <p>No words of wisdom right now... just a vote of support. You are going to come out great any way that this turns out, ya know? You're doing all the right things, and that's all you can ask of yourself. <p>Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Not very supportive or inspirational, but I was trying to get you to grin a little bit. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We can scrape you off and get you flying again. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We're here for ya!

I think you should call Steve. Your expressing your feelings here and that is great BUT I still think you are gonna blow in a moment...you may LB... you may say something and ruin all your hardearned effort you've put into this all along. Don't say anything to your wife or she will think: see...thats why I have to have an A. You don't know what Steve may suggest for you to do until you call and ask. Tell him you can't wait. Your love may be dying for her and it may be safer to go to Plan B then to loose all love and say "F$#$ you, I don't need this anymore." The problem is you have been going through this for 9 months and Steve has only been going through it with you for a couple of weeks.<p>[ June 06, 2002: Message edited by: I LuvNprotect ME ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by RNROSCOE:
<strong>
She seems to feel like my WH. He will end it when he is ready and on his own terms. He resents people telling him what to do even though I think he knows his mistake. He won't be backed into a corner. He would rather have neither of us.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>SO very true. This is exactly what she feels....Thanks!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> ....I can't do this anymore. She wants her cake and wants to eat it, I'm all burned out from this plan A bull-----, I was ready for plan b weeks ago, and all I've gotten are empty words that sound nice but mean nothing, have no substance to back them up. <hr></blockquote><p>My belief it that you CAN do it more, But . . . . you don't want to any longer. You have a right to be angry. You really do. After you calm down (sorry, but you will) come back and tell us what you are going to do, not what you want to do. <p> If you're done, then you're done, but please talk to Steve before you do anything at all beyond plan A. We know you will, but you need encouragement and we have to say it anyway. <p>Remember that this is normal abnormal behavior for a WS. You know it's going to be this way for a while. Your only choice is how you will react. <p>I believe your WW really was/is sorry. But she has an addiction. Even if she continues to get help for it, ( with Steve) it will be a struggle for her to give it up. So what are you going to do? <p>I think you already know all your options. I wish it were not so hard. I asked my own father a few months ago if life ever gets any easier, he said " no, but you get better at handling the problems." He had a big grin on his face when he said it. ( I'm 46, dad is 72) <p>SS

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Faith1:
<strong>We can scrape you off and get you flying again. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Scraping me off is EXACTLY what I feel like you'll have to do right now...thx! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by I LuvNprotect ME:
<strong>I think you should call Steve. Your expressing your feelings here and that is great BUT I still think you are gonna blow in a moment...you may LB... you may say something and ruin all your hardearned effort you've put into this all along. Don't say anything to your wife or she will think: see...thats why I have to have an A. You don't know what Steve may suggest for you to do until you call and ask. Tell him you can't wait. Your love may be dying for her and it may be safer to go to Plan B then to loose all love and say "F$#$ you, I don't need this anymore." The problem is you have been going through this for 9 months and Steve has only been going through it with you for a couple of weeks.<p>[ June 06, 2002: Message edited by: I LuvNprotect ME ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>You're right Iluv. And that is exactly what I'm going to do when I get the info and talk to Steve. Perhaps in my desire to make this work I've just let my feelings become more dormant than I should, and when it comes out...it comes out!!!<p>I'm OK. I'll be OK. I've calmed down...some...

ok [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... going to da car to get out my bug-scraper... Wait!! dem Taixas bugs are MONSTERS!!! I need a BIG scraper!!!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Glad you're feeling better. Rest those wings, and get ready to start flappin again.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by still seeking:
<strong><p>My belief it that you CAN do it more, But . . . . you don't want to any longer. You have a right to be angry. You really do. After you calm down (sorry, but you will) come back and tell us what you are going to do, not what you want to do. <p> If you're done, then you're done, but please talk to Steve before you do anything at all beyond plan A. We know you will, but you need encouragement and we have to say it anyway. <p>Remember that this is normal abnormal behavior for a WS. You know it's going to be this way for a while. Your only choice is how you will react. <p>I believe your WW really was/is sorry. But she has an addiction. Even if she continues to get help for it, ( with Steve) it will be a struggle for her to give it up. So what are you going to do? <p>I think you already know all your options. I wish it were not so hard. I asked my own father a few months ago if life ever gets any easier, he said " no, but you get better at handling the problems." He had a big grin on his face when he said it. ( I'm 46, dad is 72) <p>SS</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Of course, you're absolutely right, SS, and that is exactly what I am going to do. I won't throw it all away here in a fit of rage...<p>Would someone PLEASE give me a double (no, make that triple) Bombay and tonic?!?!?!?!? and an extra Prozac too if you have one...