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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 2,028
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Hey, I've been meaning to ask you about this for MONTHS! I see your on so I'll ask now [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>After my H and I got back together you mentioned something about telling me a story about a butterfly and a buffalo once...and for the life of me I do not remember it. I'm not sure if I was just in my "skimming" and "denying" phase or if I just missed it or what. Could you tell it to me again??<p>Pweeeese tell me a stowwy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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OK!<p>I have to find it first. It came from a book .... and ... well .... my books are strewn all over the house. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I will definitely post that .... and I'll bump this thread back to the tippy top!<p>Love ya,<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Feb 2002
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Danka sheeeeein DAAARLING daaanka sheeeein<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Oct 2000
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compare the butterfly with the buffalo<p> How can a man say something to his wife that cuts her to the core and an hour later expect her to respond romantically to his advances? Why does a man feel obligated to lecture his wife when he sees that her feelings are hurt? How can a man lie next to his crying wife, giving her the silent treatment, when she so desperately needs his compassion and concern?<p>Many of the problems couples experience are based one one simple fact. Men and women are totally different. The differences emotionally, mentally, and physically are so extreme that if a husband and wife don't put forth a concentrated effort to gain a realistic understanding of each other, it is nearly impossible for them to have a happy marriage. A famous psychiatrist once said, "After thirty years of studying women, I ask myself, 'What is it they really want?'". If this was his conclusion, imagine how little your husband really knows about you.<p>The purpose of this chapter is to help you understand some differences between you and your husband that are responsible for many of the problems within your relationship. Chances are, you assumed he didn't care about the fact that he hurts you.<p>The fact is, he is a man, and many of the hurtful and calloused actions you have witnessed are simply the result of his basic nature as a man.Does this mean you have to resign to living with a calloused or insensitive man-- quite the contrary. Once you understand some of the basic differences we will discuss, you will be able to help him balance his natural tendencies.<p>The best example I can think of to illustrate these differences is to compare the butterfly with the buffalo. The butterfly has a keen sensitivity. It is sensitive even to the slightest breeze. It flutters above the ground where it can get a panoramic awareness of it's surroundings. It notices the beauty of even the tiniest flowers. Because of it's sensitivity, it is constantly aware of all the changes going on around it and is able to react to the slightest variation in it's environment. Thus, the butterfly reacts with swiftness toward anything that might hurt it. If a tiny pebble were taped to it's wing, the butterfly would be severely injured and eventually die.<p>The buffalo is another story. It is rough and calloused. It doesn't react to a breeze. It's not even affected by thirty-mile-an-hour wind. It just goes right on doing whatever it was doing. It's not aware of the smallest flowers, nor does it appear to be sensitive to slight changes in it's environment. Tape a pebble to the buffalo's back and he probably won't even feel it.<p>The buffalo isn't "rotten to the core" just because he goes around stepping on pretty flowers. In fact, the buffalo's toughness is a tremendous asset. His strength, when harnessed, can pull a plow that four grown men can't pull.<p>The analogy should be obvious. Your husband is the buffalo, and you're the butterfly. He may tend to "plow" through circumstances, while you "feel" life and your surroundings with much more sensitivity. The "pebble on the butterfly's wing" may take the form of a sarcastic remark, a sharp criticism, or even an indifferent attitude. Whatever it is, it can hurt and even crush you, while he may not even notice what he's done.<p>The analogy ends in that the buffalo can never take on any of the butterfly's sensitivities, and the butterfly will never benifit from the buffalo's strength.<p>Such is not the case with your marriage. Your husband CAN learn how to be gentle, sensitive, and romantic, but he probably won't learn by himself; that's why I've written this book .... to show you how you can help him. You must realize that your husband doesn't understsand how much his cutting words or indifferent attitutes actually affect your feelings. He can learn, but you'll need to help him.<p>~~~~~<p>This is from "Hidden Keys To A Loving Lasting Marriage" ... by Gary Smalley. The book is constructed in two sections. A section for the husband, and a section for the wife. Mr. Pepper read his section during recovery at my request. This is a book that has many religious references, and it might not suit your taste.<p>I remember you describing your circumstances after losing your house to the twister ... and I could just see your husband, the buffalo, standing strong during that crisis, but also being unaware of your needs and sensitivities. I think you said something like he was the strong silent type.<p>Anyway .... that's the story sweetcheeks!<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]
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Describes us to the T. Thanks so much! I'm going to print it off for my Buffalo. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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