I didn't beg for him to take me. Didn't plead that he was destroying our lives and memories that all of us could share. Felt like doing both...but didn't. Had the gift wrapped beautifully (I love doing those kinds of things). Had D fed and ready. Card was from all of us. <p>H thanked me for wrapping the gift on his way out. H is sick again for the sixth time in two months. H looks extremely pale. <p>Now I'm alone. I'm not sobbing uncontrollably YET. It's only a couple of hours but it's the memories of those hours to which I no longer have rights.<p>How does anyone deal with that?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> How does anyone deal with that? <hr></blockquote><p>KICK SOME [censored]!!!! ... THAT'S how [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Play that old rock song by Gloria Gaynor "I WILL survive" and dance around singing at the top of your lungs until you are exhausted from laughing so hard! Play your exercise / kickboxing tape and tear the crapola outta the air > whomp < >kick < >swoosh<<p>Go for a power walk .... that's what I always did when I was feeling that anxiety and fear creep up on me . <p>Write poetry .... <p>Take a bath ....<p>Take a nap ...<p>Go have your hair done ... AND your nails too!<p>Call your best girlfriend and tell her you are in desperate need of a margarita and her company ... and get OUT of your own way ..<p>PRETEND you feel powerful and strong ... and ACT "as if" you felt non-terrified .... and your feelings will follow your behaviour!<p>Get going ....... get moving .... you've got to survive, and then thrive...... I know you've got it in ya.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Pepper...you did get a smile out of me. Haven't kicked some [censored] in a very long time. <p>Margarita sounds good right about now...somwhere in the Caribbean!<p>Thanks for checking in...

Pepper is right.<p>I understand, I think, how you feel.<p>But you own the solution. <p>And it lies in taking action.<p>FWIW<p>Dan<p>[ April 13, 2002: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

Hi FM, Nice to hear from you. How are you doing?<p>I just came back from groceries, drug store and having my NAILS done (good idea, Pepper)! Am now getting everything organized but wanted to let you know that I think I'm finally starting to get what taking action really means. It's how you deal with the cards you're dealt that will make the difference. <p>I've read and reread post after post for so long I knew and understood but never FELT like I could do this. Now I FEEL it. <p>Take care! One day, weekends will be glorious again for all of us. And that will mean that we're not checking in at MB each minute but we'll remember in our hearts.

Hi T, Good for you! I am home with my 3 yr. old today doing the best I can too to make the most of my cards... a few slips in the last few days on phone calls to h... he has been quite mean... I do have to regain control... as what he wants is time alone... so let him have it, right? It is not the end of the world.. and I can enjoy some time for me... part of today was hard.. and parts of it are not... I think when you dwell on what you are missing it just gets worse.. instead of getting out and enjoying what you can have in the moment...
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Let those h's have the life they want... we can't fix things alone, and they do have to come back wililng and ready .... no begging etc.. will ever work... boy is it hard! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Honey

Hi Honey, Be strong. This is the most difficult jorney of our lives and also the most significant. I'm going to persevere, pray for strength and be patient. <p>Happiness comes to those who wait. <p>Take care and don't let your H be mean to you anymore. <p>Hugs

Terrified,
I have read your posts for a long time. You have verbalized my fears. I was raised to fight so I would never be able to verbalize they way you do.
I am very proud of you and how strong you have become. I cheered when you changed the locks on your home (you made me in a very good mood that day). I am very happy how you are growing strength from all of this (as painful as it is).
Please dont dwell on the small stuff (missing a b-day party) as a mom I can tell you there will be many more, in fact there will come a time when you will be happy you dont have to go ( I have a ton of neices and nephews-10) I am glad you got your nails done. Continue to make you better, be more independent. My husband swears this is way he cant live without me [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] . As you read below I left on d-day. Made his EA leave her job BEFORE I came home. Husband realized he screwed up but it left a huge scar. I LOVED Peppers advice. I love that song "I will survive". YOU WILL SURVIVE TOO TERRIFIED I will rejoice the day you feel you can change your name. You are almost there [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . God Bless you, you have been and will be in my Prayers

Hello SC, It's nice to hear from you. I'm also glad that posting my feelings helps someone. I ofen I can't add much to other threads because I haven't "recovered" either way.<p>Thank-you for your cheers and support. I hope too that one day, I can justifiably change my name. <p>Hugs and prayers to you

Terrified ~<p>You have come such a long way!<p>Yes indeed - the answer is in how you deal with the cards you are dealt. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>No point in sitting around on the pity pot in a state of victimhood. <p>You are doing great.

Hi Bramble, Good to hear from you...coming from you, those words are gold. I hope that I can continue to gain strength. <p>Take care

Had to vent...H came home with D. Mentioned a few things re:the goings-on of the evening. Felt left out. Started to become angry. Couldn't look at H. Hated him at that moment for taking my life away from me and D.<p>D just wanted to cuddle. She didn't even notice him leaving.<p>I'm going to let this anger go. I just don't know how the future becomes easier. Our D will always have to be split between us if this becomes permanent. How could he have done this to us? <p>Enough for now.