Since this website seems to be majority BS's I am throwing this question out to see if I am on the right track or flunking the MB process. It has been 3 months now since dday. I had A with woman off of the internet and W found out the following week after PA. She says that she will be filing for D in 2 weeks, I have done everything that MB has suggested from plan a to plan b. She does not want her children to have a relationship with me because they are grown enough that blood is thicker than water. I hurt my W very bad with this A and I down not want to act as if I feel like she does not have a right to be hurt, and angry, I acknowledge that, but my question is when do I say ok you really hate me and want to punish me more, and want a D, so just go ahead and do it and move on with my life, when do I make that decision? I want to wait and that is what I am doing praying that she will eventually at least want to talk, she insist on emails so that is what I do. When is it time to give up?

Well I don't know that I can be of much help to you, but I do know that right now your wife will have a lot of anger to deal with as i did myself 11yrs ago (I wish i had this site for back up then as it has helped me a lot)<p>I know that you will be feeling very bad right now for betraying your wife & someone on this forum with similar experience is bound to come along shortly & offer you their thoughts it is very quite on here at the weekens though.<p>From my own experience though I know that councelling would have helped us a great deal but we never got it (too isolated & H wasn't interested anyway). My H was also devastated by what had happened & he made sure he let me know where he was what he was doing etc etc but I was really hurting & am afraid that after a while my hurt became amunition to hurt my H with. I think that the questionairs on here emotional needs especially would have been great for us.<p>I hope someone comes along soon I just thought I would write you a note to say hi & let us know how you get on, i am at a different stage in my marriage now that because i couldn't let go of past hurts my H turned to a Femail friend (I guess she was filling the emotional needs that I wasn't, but because i didnt know what they were I couldnt we just didnt talk our problems thru it was always accusations) This has come between us & I will shortly be leaving here & goingto plan B.<p>Not sure how plan A & B work when it's the WS that is implementing them buit someone will. OK enough of my dribble Good luck I will keep an eye out to see how you are getting on.

No one can answer when do I give up, only you can. We can help you along the decision making process.<p>As they say, It ain't over till the fat lady sings. If you love your wife and want it to work, then you keep going. God will lead you if you ask what direction to take. <p>It is over, right? I mean really over, no contact at all? <p>As far as time frame goes, it has been a reletively short period of time. It probably seems like forever. Not all M's are saved, but no matter what, you'll feel better about yourself if you do everything within your power.<p>I would love it if my WH plan A'd me! He has admitted A's but never shown remorse. Have you shown remorse - even if it is through email?<p>I didn't want to see my WH either when I first found out. I was on my way to get a DV and had seen an attorney & then I found MB. It changed my mind on what direction that I wanted to take. It gave me hope when before I had none that this M could ever work.<p>Sounds like your wife has somethings left over from her prvious M (understandably so) - your signature line says that her 2nd m ended as she was the WS. Was it with you? I'm sorry I'm not familiar with your story.

W's 2nd M ended with her as WS but I was not the OM. She was very honest and told me about we started to get serious. I want to call her but what would I say when she does not want to talk unless she needs to talk to me, should I just leave it like that?

I think you'd find that your best approach would be to "Plan A" as hard as you can... open up... let her know that you don't want to lose her, this chance, etc. Even if she rejects it, it may very well be like a thought grenade... will take a little while, but will explode in her mind, giving some clarity.<p>I think the worst thing that happens in the BS / WS dynamic is when things do progress to the point of divorce... and without true resolution, closure, etc. - there are those nagging questions, usually starting with "What If?". And this works on both sides of the fence - both for WS and BS alike.<p>So by lobbing out your Plan A grenades against her wall, they might blow up and create some cracks... generally speaking, only time and some opportunity for clarity will cause the wall to fall down.