What keeps you in this crazed state? My H sneaks calls to OW in the middle of the night claiming his undying love for her - does he really love her like he says he does? if yes, why does he tell me the same thing.
Why does he lie to her - tells her I'm accepting the separation and will go ahead with it - meanwhile he is telling me not to file he wants to save the family. tells her they will be together soon - next month, tells me he's not going anywhere - what kind of man would I be if I left my family. Even lies about taking cold tablets for his cold that I bought him they were stuffed in the back of his car. He lies about everything! It really makes me angry.<p>I asked him why he begged for a second child when he was already having his A - he answers "it's too late to stuff her back in".<p>I asked him yesterday what his plans are - seeing as he has decided to still have the A - his answer "i'm not having an A - I'm getting rid of her".<p>Please explain all this madness to me.<p>Nothing on tape from Friday - one last chance today - if no luck, I'm going down there myself to see it. I KNOW I'M CRAZY - BUT I NEED TO SEE SOMETHING- ANYTHING TO BELIEVE THIS IS REAL. IT STILL DOESN'T SEEM REAL.<p>How should I be handling this at home while we are co-existing? right now the tape recorder is in guest room - do I move him into the other room? do I distance myself? do I continue to be nice (although he calls it being b###hy). what do I do?<p>I hope to God he forgives me, but everyday, every single day I pray that my H once served and moved out realizes what he had and lost and comes back begging just so I can slam the door in his face. I really want him to feel this pain - he ignores me when I cry - he doesn't care.<p>Get this - she has slept around TWICE with him (one recently) and he knows about it - why doesn't this bother him?

Hopeful,
I'm no expert; I'm dealing with exactly the same issues with my W....very, very difficult and very hard to stay the course.
I will say this, though; if you want to save your marriage, you'll first need to discard the desire for revenge. Start working on making yourself whole, try to distance yourself from the painful thoughts, read and begin applying the principles outlined in "Surviving an Affair" and the other Dr. Harley books.
Hang in there, come back here and vent here....I know you don't believe it now, but things WILL start feeling better. You have a lot of support here, and you'll find a lot of strength you did not know you had.

I read what you did over on the other board. That was an awesome idea, I loved it!!! I am glad you are doing better, you H is in such a fantasy land right now, it's not even funny. I wish you the best of luck.

Just a suggestion.
Read "Co-dependency No More" by Melody Beattie and then see where your life is. I gained so much strength. Now, I am not scared. I am not hiding. <p>I hate to say this, but this website is so full of people trying to make other people be a certain way; a way that they want them to be. You cannot make anyone love you. You need to accept your H for who he is. You cannot control his feelings, thoughts, or actions. But you can stop abandoning yourself and start taking care of yourself. If you chose to put up with the lies, then that is your choice. Start loving 100% of who you are. Regain strength from your morals and values. What you do makes you who you are. What he does, makes him what he is. Stop reacting to his actions. It is hard, let me tell you. You literally have to bite your tongue. Don't let his actions effect your life. My guess is that your life is lived through his. Hope I am not being to harsh here.<p>Another good book is "In the Meantime". Hope this helps. PS.. What you cannot solve something, park it, and know that GOD will help you.

Findingmywayback;
Sorry to impose, but I'm a little stuck with my WW, and advice from WS would be helpful. My thread is called "Affairs that don't end...confused...Help!" on the Infidelity, General Questions II section....thanks!!!

PS.
My counsellor asks me questions about how my H feels about my A. I tell her that my H does not ask me questions on what happened and why I thought it happened. She said that is the most important question to find out. She said that an A is the symptom, not the problem. I believe her. Your H is still getting something from the OW. <p>This is what I got from my contact which has now ended: Acceptance of who I am, being myself when I am around him, talking about anything and it is not put down, no expectations, fun, laughter, exchange of kind words, validation that I am a good person, etc. <p>After reading lots of books, I have learned that needs "can" be met on your own (if you were single, who would meet them?)and then later a partner can add to your fulfilment..... it is about loving yourself. Also.. "relationships" are meant to enhance happy and healthy lives. What have you sacrificed for this relationship? Yourself?