Just wanted to get some suggestions on my situation. You can read my story in "just found out"...if interested.<p>Here is the short version….<p>Wife was having an A. I found out…she moved out. About a month later, she ended with the OM. From what I can tell she has not had any communications with the OM. We agreed to be 100% honest with each other from that point on. She answered all the questions I had, I “feel” that she was being honest.<p>We don’t talk very much. Maybe once a week. She called last week because she wanted to get a few things from the house…she did that and then we had dinner. Dinner was good, and we didn’t talk about our problems much at all. Very peaceful dinner. That was late last week, and we have not spoken since.<p>I know I should be talking to her somehow so that she can start to see the changes I have made and all the progress. However, whenever I get around her or talk to her it sets me back several steps emotionally. I do much better personally when I don’t talk to her and see her. So my question, should I try and talk to her? What about the set backs emotionally….will they get fewer and fewer the more I see her, or worse? I was thinking just some innocent phone calls in the evening hours…just to chat and say hello, and maybe a dinner one night a week or so. I am not really sure where she stands…and as far as I know she is still not sure if she wants to save our marriage. I “think” she knows deep down inside herself that is the “right” thing to do…however she stated last week that she didn’t know if it was what she “thought” was right or if it is what she is forced to believe is “right”. I guess she is going some soul searching.<p>Thanks.

Now you take focus off of A and your wife and put it on you... <p>Have you read any of lostva's posts? She did plan A while totally separated from her H.<p>Plan A is for you and it is for life. Your W is doing some soul searching and now is your chance to to the same thing...<p>What are you supposed to learn and take from this whole episode in your life? How are you going to grow from it?<p>I read a ton of books. I went into individual counseling. And, most important, I strengthened my faith and my relationship w/ God. <p>Good luck,
Cali

Yeah, I am doing plan A now, and I understand it is for me as well. I have done a ton of stuff....<p>Read so far about 8 books on the subject, believing in my faith much more, volunteer work, joined a gym, lost 20 or lbs...and so on. I know I will be a much better person because of this experience.<p>I completely understand and accept where I failed marriage, and how I contributed to creating an environment where an affair is possible. Like they say...hide sight is 20/20.<p>However, I am still confused on whether or not I should be contacting her. Or if I should be waiting for her to come to me? If I did that…I don’t think I would ever see her again.<p>Confused……

If you are in plan A, contact is fine... just don't over do it...<p>You know her best.<p>Cali

If seeing her is hard for you emotionally right now, have you considered some of the one-sided contact options such as an occasional card to her or e-mail? Steve Harley suggested early on with my situation that since contact for me was very painful that I send an occasional card, not too mushy, just to say hi and that I was thinking about him. <p>Just a thought.
Sinking