Thanks for all the input and help in editing my plan b letter. I know we all hope that our WS will come home during a good plan A. Some do, many don't. I know that for her to come home, I'm going to have to lovingly go to plan B, to protect what remaining love I have for her. Harley's principals are so right on during the cycle of the affair. I think its just so amazing that each of our situations mirror one anothers. <p>Thanks again for the help in editing my letter.<p>[ May 20, 2002: Message edited by: Husband2you ]</p>

Curse the day that lead me to have to make a decision like this... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Husband2you ]</p>

We're here for you. I know this is hard for you. <p>This is not good-bye... this is holding your head in dignity that you have done and are doing everything you can for your W and family. You've carried the marriage for this long - time for her to decide if she wants to help.<p>I know the MB crew will give you plenty of support and advice... lemme think and I'll post some thoughts later. I'm terrible at giving advice on Plan B letters - I always think they're fine [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] . Cuz they're usually straight from the heart...<p>Here's a hug in the meantime...
{{{{{{H2Y}}}}}}<p>[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Husband2you,<p>I'm going to print this out & read it. Then I'm going to my prayer group & will put it in my Bible(What I do with my stuff when I take it to the Lord) I'll respond to it later.<p>My plan B letter was posted in the last few days for comments, and as K told me, I am now an "expert" on this subject.<p>My heart goes out to you and your family. It is not easy that I know. <p>God Bless,<p>D.

H2Y,<p> Very touching. Straight from the heart. I too know how hard it is to even write a letter such as this. Much less when the time comes to actually give it.<p> There are plenty of things others will tell you to change. They may be right. I, however, won't advise you to change it at all. These things mean more to me when they are from the heart, right or wrong.<p> H2Y, know that we support you in this. Know also that some of us are every bit as sad as you are over what must come to be. You have fought for so long and so hard. Kev, you are only human, and you have done your best. Nobody could ask more from you. Nor expect it. <p> Keep us posted bud.<p> jd

H2Y your letter brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through all you have. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Don't think of it as a good bye - think of it as the final chaper before starting the sequel. May God bless you and yours.

OK..my .02<p>Your letter kicks [censored].<p>But...I think it is too long for a plan B letter.<p>That is a tough one.<p>In a crisis or volatile situation, Lerner says shorter is better. I do not have sufficient info to refute that assertion..<p>In my letter, I found, in retrospect, I may have made too many references to om.<p>To me, the boy was THE issue.<p>But not to my ws. And she was my " audience".<p>This is a judgement call, I just bring it up to share a personal...not quite regret, but close.<p>I did base mine on the many letters here. Thank you NSR. <p>As an expression of your heart, it truly kicks. <p>And it seems to hit the requirements of a "B" letter in terms of critical content..<p>Dan<p>[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Family Man ]</p>

Dear H2Y,<p>I could feel each incident you have shared with us by reading your letter. While it was long so has been your pain. So weighing the 2 together, it probably won't be long to her. <p>What many may not realize here is how long you have been enduring this and how much you have gone through. Through it all you still can proclaim love for her is simply amazing. <p>As an outside observer, I am stunned at your long suffering. Still you have the sense to realize that you must move on. You have stated your boundaries and emphasized that it is a requirement for the OM to be out of the picture. <p>Just a few suggestions. Shorten up the apology part just a bit. I don't think you are the world's worst H, so don't give that impression. Don't spell it all out, let her wonder about your comments. <p>Emphasize a bit more about YOUR need to not have the OM in YOUR life. Condense it into some hard hitting, thought provoking words. Short and sweet but packed with a punch! <p>That is what is driving me. The OP is being 'allowed' to live but NOT in MY life! That is my goal. In doing so, I am giving the stress of this A mess over to the WS. It is helping me keep my sanity.<p>I could really feel your heart speaking. Your W is truly wasting her life with a loser and losing a gem. <p>JMHO,
L.

Faith, Thank you [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Thank you Thank you. A very special lady you are.<p>WillGetThruThis, Thank you for keeping me in your prayers. Heck if K told you that.. your going to be a Godsend for everyone here [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>JD, Thank you for always offering your help, I love ya man. Thanks for all the help over the last year. Its really been a reflection at times.<p>TD, Hi.. been awhile, but thank you for your thoughts.<p>Family Man, Thank you also. Do you have a URL for your Letter? I'd like to see it.<p>Orchid, Thank you as always. Your so sweet and empathetic. Thank you for always being there when I called and on ICQ all those times.<p>I re-edited the original post so late comers won't have to read it twice.

ok. I will try to make a few minor suggestions, that to me, may make a big difference. k?<p>Take them or leave them - I think your letter is fine like it is. And the 2nd draft is better than the first. Good job [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>1st paragraph:
I write to you - what for now may be - my final letter of hope and love. <p>This - which could be - the last chapter of us,<p>3rd paragraph:
candelabra<p>10th paragraph:
Take this out. I believe this concept is repeated enough throughout the letter.
"I want to rebuild our marriage and life together without *OM*. We can&#8217;t begin until you break off all contact with *OM*. I have learned how hard this is going to be for you"<p>
That's all I see for now. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I wish we could get it a little shorter, but it may be ok like it is. I'm thinking that the apologies for your "sins" could be shortened - more generalized and not so specific. I can try to help you with this if you like.

I'm one who tells it like it is. And I'm telling you that I'm too tired right now to read your entire letter (as well as the replies to your thread right now)... and that I WILL read it further than the 1st paragraph (which is all I could do right now).<p>So far... my only comment is that your opening paragraph was dancing around the point of your plan B letter - the 'thesis' so to speak. IMO, you told a very long version of "I am running out of love for you", or "My love bank is almost empty".<p>You can curse me all you want to for those comments. I don't mind. My opinion isn't that important, because it's YOU that counts, and YOU are the one who knows what your W will feel and understand the most. And I do recall a website you shared with me last year with various poems that you had written for your W (along with adding pictures of your family - you, your boys, and your W). I made the assumption back then, that your W knows you as quite the romantic, and that is one of the things that she loves most about you. So as far as your opening paragraph goes... you know best what would affect your W the most, in the least hurtful way.<p>I'll read more tomorrow. But for tonight, I'm 'outta here' to work on some stuff with my H.<p>Take care of yourself and those boys! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

H2Y<p>shoot .... you got MY attention .... and I don't even know you!<p>Goooood job!<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Topie,<p>You can say whatever you want to me.. I know your having a hard time right now and I hope that everything with you is going to go okay. Your in my prayers. You know that I don't take your advice in a negative way. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Thank you for making it through the first paragraph... and your right.. I 'try' to be a helpless romantic.. By the way... that site is www.geocities.com/husband2you/<p>Pepperband,<p>Silly... you know me... well I know you.. at least in passing. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] (Formerly Empty) if that doesn't ring a bell [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Well thanks for allowing me to catch your attention.

I know I still have quite a bit of editing and deleting of it to go... that is why its so long.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] but thank you for those who responded so far. <p>I'm looking for input from Resilent, CL, K, Chris123, NSR, WAT, Lexxxy, TNT, Trueheart, Freddy, BTDT, STL, Zorweb .... and all the rest of you wonderful plan B actors. Gosh I'm going to forget someone...<p>I'm looking for constructive criticism. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Do I say her name to many times in the letter? To much redundancy? Too mushy? Not firm enough? Delusionally Foggy? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I need an example of the letter portion that goes to the OM/OP, and I'm going to seriousley need some assistance in writing to him. The last thing I want OM to think is that I'm giving him a green light to move back into her house and play husband. I need to affirm with him that I'm will be seeking a restraining order, and will notify LE (law enforce..) if he's near my children, even the baby. <p>I have another question... do I send a copy of this to her family, my family ... since it has gone on the duration of three years, and everyone has been involved one way or another? So everyone knows what and why I'm doing what I'm doing? SOOOO the truth is out there... about what I'm doing?

You have mail....<p>Dan

H2Y - sorry for the delay. I read your draft last night and I wanted to think on it a bit.<p>I'm sorta with Karen on the style aspects. The poetic stuff may not work for many others. But if this style is what your W likes, then by all means stick with it.<p>I think it's too long. IMHO, an outline of a Plan B letter should be:<p>1. Openning where you summarize what's taken place so far<p>2. A statement of where you're at right now - inability to continue<p>3. What you're gonna do - isolate yourself<p>4. Conditions for reconciliation - no contact -
5. Hope for the future.<p>Anything else, IMHO, is unnecessary, but this doesn't mean it can't be said.<p>Are you gonna do another draft?

H2Y,<p>I have a question after reading your draft -Is this a goodbye letter or a plan b letter?<p>Your letter reflects that you are torn - torn between saying goodbye forever, and saying I can't live like this any more, I love you, but.... The letter says both & that was a little confusing to me, as I'm not sure which one you meant. <p>It is gut renching, and we have to search our souls to know what is the right course of action.<p>I have kept you letter in my Bible along with my own knowing that God will give the wisdom to know what to do, at the right time.<p>My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.<p>God Bless,<p>D. (X Dallasite - now live in paradise)

I'm not here much anymore but...<p>It's about 10 paragraphs too long.
If it is too long she will get confused/ticked off before she is done. No more than 1 written page.<p>I write to you, this final letter of hope and love. This, the last chapter of us,
This implies you are ending completely, not going to Plan B.<p>This glass, horsedrawn carriage of our love
a rope yet short, no knot, yet frayed
a rainbow above the pearl in the harbor of our love
Nice & soppy but get to the point.<p>If there is too much info in it, she will get confused as to what exactly you are trying to say/do/accomplish.<p>Paragraph 1
- I love you. I regret what I have done wrong to get the relationship where it is. I am working on understanding what went wrong and not making the same mistakes again.<p>Paragraph 2
- I will not have any contact with you to preserve what love I have left.<p>Paragraph 3
- Please respect this decision as the pain I have endured because of your relationship with (om). Any info will be exchanged through (friend, relative) as well as picking up/dropping off kids. When you are willing to permanently separate from om, we can speak of our future.<p>Paragraph 4
- I want to rebuild our relationship some day and do it correctly. Be your best friend and never have a reason to separate again. I love you but cannot see you until you separate permanently from om.<p>Paragraph 5 to om
- I love wife with all my heart & will wait for her to give me that chance.<p>The letter to om is exactly the same as to your wife but the extra paragraph is directly to him.

H2Y - regarding the copy to OM.<p>I suggest you burn a copy of your signed letter and write in hand in the top margin, or below your signature:<p><OM> This copy of my letter to <WS> is so you'll know that I am committed to restoring our marriage and I ask you to allow us to do that by ceasing your interference. <H2Y><p>Or write any other message that communicates that you have not given up. The purpose of this, IMHO, is to counteract any lies your W may be telling about your willingness to divorce, etc.<p>WAT

Hello H2Y...<p>It still seems strange to call you that.<p>Hey Fatal...<p> I was just checking up on you as I do every now and then. I wish you would come on ICQ more often, I really miss talking to you. I still think about and pray for you often. I read your letter. I really can't offer much more help then a few grammer errors. You started a sentence with And and there was something else. You may also with to include a key to what all the stars stand for, then again, everyone else that reads here more than once every few months probably know. That wasn't why I posted though. Your a great guy and a great father.<p>I took a look at the web page you posted above. I think we need to give you a small refresher in web design. Compared to some of the stuff I have seen it was good, but it just wasn't up to what I expected from you. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Oh, and before I forget, I have some gray stripes to return to you. I am changing the mapedit page background. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I know how you must be thinking so much about the game these days (yea right!) but seeing I am bringing up our past for everyone I can't avoid it. Fri guy has been moved on to other things. I haven't played since the rotation last January. Chromo never made it, but we put all your textures on our site. If it is still around when you get things back to normal (normal?!? What is that...) I my Deac missile finger has been itching since I gave up on the game.<p>Fun memories... Can't wait for more, and there will be more.<p>Cya--
Tr@v<p>================================
For everyone else, it really doesn't matter who I am. H2Y knows who I am, and knowns what I am talking about. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Just ignore my post. Oh, and Fatal, 78470319 or TCook@TwDCDesigns.com however you want, but get back to me so we can talk without it feeling like I am shouting acrost a busy room.