sighhhhh [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] I'm not sure why I bother... but here goes...<p>You are not her personal punching bag. She is not yours. Stop it. Get away from the house - be a man and put a stop to this. <p>I try to have respect for you, but I don't see you trying at all to earn it from thinker - the most important person in your life - whether you realize that or not.<p>We don't have ANY clue whether or not thinker's posts are lies or not. But she has a right to post her frustrations and seek support - as do I - or any of us. You don't call us liars. You offer us support. Why can't thinker post her true feelings? <p>You don't have to defend yourself to us everytime she talks to us. If she's telling the truth, SHAME ON YOU, and DO something about it. If she's telling lies, then you need to get away from her, don't you? <p>
What's going on? Do you want support here? Do you want help? DO you want to tell your side of the story on your own thread? Why don't YOU ever ask for help or guidance on here?<p>[ April 15, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

I want to lend my voice too... I just wasn't sure what to say...<p>I have always thought that you BOTH need to stay away from each other's posts. End of story.<p>Each one of you is only interested in US believing your SIDE...<p>Please remember that perception is reality. Thinker's perception is her reality. Your perception is your reality... the TRUTH is somewhere in between.<p>One of you needs to make the decision and put an end to the madness.<p>SnL, you say you decided on divorce BEFORE the A? And, you have dissected every argument to save your marriage. You have convinced all of us. What is it going to take to convince yourself? Get on with it... because your miseries are palpable... and it is tortuous.<p>Hugs to you both. I am praying.<p>Cali

I am not suggesting thinker not post, I am saying she is violating MB rules about personal attacks. She is free (as are we all) to talk about her feelings etc...but mostly she was talking about what an assh*** she thinks I am, that is not allowed...actually she said little about her feelings in any of her posts today, has been mostly a diatribe against me. Although I have a pretty thick skin faith, but I am human, this is not ok (and it is getting worse), nor was saying similar (and other disgusting stuff) stuff in front of my children today ok either. <p>as for stop it, are you talking to me? I rarely say anything about thinker, I talk about my own stuff, or how my marriage is (to me), what did you mean?

no cali, I was refereing to during/after the affiar...I consider affairs marriage ending events (generally)....but I was persuaded to reconsider, and I did.

okay... but you are in charge of YOUR boat...<p>If you don't like how Thinker is treating you, leave. End of story.<p>Maybe your affair wasn't the choice between monogamy and sex w/ someone else... maybe it was your bid for 'independence.' (I think I've gleened this from your posts). Well, having an affair is an 'immature' way of dealing w/ that issue for YOU. So do it right. (judgment? sorry, can't think of a better way to put it right now).<p>"I will not be treated this way." and leave.<p>An affair can be an immature way to force growth upon a marriage and an individual... it is taking the easy way out... staying in a relationship and not making healthy choices can be another 'easy' way. Growing is hard. <p>What is your two-choice dilemma? Now empower yourself and make healthy decisions... both of YOU!<p>Cali

were life so simple, and 20/20 hindsite available as forsight, it has been a process cali, and it was not immature....inappropriate perhaps, ill-advised, but not immature at all... and it is certainly not the easy way out...I lived with this marriage/relationship for 30 years, I think I paid my dues... whatever the reasons, the marriage is not a safe/healthy/niurturing/joyous place for thinker or I...never has been, not even a little bit...it has been a conflicted, lonely, unhappy place for us both.... with brief moments of "ok"....still is, always would be, I stress her simply by being alive, and she does me, we both need space at this point, and a lot of personal work, and healing.....but that is not happening, there is continued strife, anger, vindictiveness, etc... all I want to do is sit down and calmly rationally work out the details, that is what I have been trying to do, with no success at all....but I am pretty well done on that too, we cannot cooperate on anything, nothing at all, and that is really sad.<p>btw you gleaned correctly, had nothing to do with sex, but that is all I hear day in and day out, dirty rotten whore, and how upset thinker is, we never talk about me, only her...she doesn't understand me at all.<p>[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

I just hate to see the torture on both sides...<p>I do not advocate ending marriage... as you know [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... <p>And, I'm not going to argue semantics about the whys and wherefores of an affair...<p>The important thing is the emotional HEALTH of you BOTH.<p>None of us is there. We only have each side as you each post. And, though I think I am a GREAT [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] arm chair counselor [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ... None of us can really advise you.<p>Are you guys still in counseling w/ Jennifer? Seems like you need some professional intervention at this point.<p>Hugs. It's off to bed for me. The time change along w/ back to work after spring break as me whacked out.<p>I just wish you would take care of each other.<p>Cali

I've stayed out of this for a couple of reasons. First I don't know the whole story, second I know I have a bias toward the logical over the emotional.<p>But why, oh why have you decided after 30 years that there was never any good, not even a little bit. Sorry but that sounds to me like you are rewriting history. If you have lived 30 years of misery and put others through it too, you are an [censored]. In your terms this must be some personality disorder, masochism?<p>I've been married a long time too and been in and out of love. And there have been times when I have forgotten the good periods. But they existed, they were real. I don't know what our future may bring, but I surely hope that neither of us will deny the past we've shared.<p>Take care

there has been good hanora, we have 4 good kids, we wopked, pulled out weight, etc....but was always tension, strife, conflict...and we know why, we have pretty much always known....I am not saying I regret my life, it is what it is...nor do I want to forget it, or dislike thinker....I just want it to change slightly...from one side of the marital boundary to the other....that reduces the stress by eliminateing certain expectations, and let's us do the work we should have done long ago...we probably wouldn't have married, but we did, and here we are...but we can stop hurting each other, and being lonely, and still care and be supportive...but thinker doesn't want that, and intends to make my life hell unless I give her what she wants....not too much attractive about that, and no good for either of us....the future is unknown, and is in God's hands, sometimes people just have to get away from each other to heal, is not a bad thing methinks, is an opportunity, everything in life is an opportunity....so yes there was some good history, but not enough, or we wouldn't be here now....I only mention the negative cause that is what is at issue, you cannot ignore reality that is called denial, and is very unhealthy....and the truth is there was (and is) a lot of conflict, and sadness, that cannot be fixed.<p>and yes cali, that is exactly the issue, marriage is irrelevant...it is the emotional health of people that is important, and where the focus should be...and it is on my part.<p>[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

Well s_n_l,
Hang in there... I know you have a tough skin so I am surprised at all this reaction from you. It's strange how none of thinker's words bothered you until now that you are not living together. Were you more able to tune her anger out while living in the same house but now all the sudden her words are getting to you? I don't think she has changed much, except maybe she is hurting more and missing your presence more so her hurt is coming out more in anger and frustration. But nothing has changed! You are changing... You seem more vulnerable than ever. <<<<HUGS>>>> Be strong in the Lord! He'll continue to get you, thinker, the kids and all the critters through this ordeal.

Actually the hurt is worse than ever now. One of the things SNL tells me repeadedly, is he can do whatever he wants, doesn't have to ask me anything, doesn't have to do anything, he is to do for himself and only what he wants to do. <p>Just like searching for his OW, and now the safety deposit box issue. He is sneaking again, lieing to me and the kids, showing control, anger, strife, verbal abuse, not staying away from the house. He ate here, but wouldn't spend the night here, did his laundry here, did his showers here, and used this computer. All on the saying that he wouldn't come here unless it was okay. BUt SNL does what he wants and when he wants. There is 2 issues to each side, and I am telling it from my side. He seems to feel it is okay to use people, and toss them away when it gets tough going. People have emotions and feelings and that is where the coercing and coldness affects most people.

snl,
FIRST: please disregard thinker's comments on this thread. I agree with you and others that you need your OWN support threads. We are not here to judge who's telling THE Truth or not. Cali was right that there's always 3 versions of "life", his perception, her perception, and the truth. <p>(I feel like we are watching 2 small children "he touched me" "she called me a name" "he's making faces at me") [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>When I said "stop it", I was referring to what's already sort of been addressed on this thread. <p>The bickering - at home and on here
The lies
The analyzing
The temper tantrums
The justification
The madness<p>ONE of you needs to make a move, and do it. I'm asking YOU to be the leader in your family - make a decision - and do it. <p>It seems that you have several options (the same that any of us have):
1. Commit to Plan A and do it. Just like the rest of us. Yours and Thinker's situation is not any different than any other story on here. It all hurts. It all sucks. But if you're not in Plan A, what the heck are you doing here?
2. Move out, and stay out. Honor Plan B.
3. File divorce.
<p>I agree that Thinker is angry, and lets it all out here, sometimes in a disrespectful way. I guess we should all pretend that our spouses are reading this stuff sometimes. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] But Thinker needs to work on Thinker. If you can't live with it anymore, you have options. Only YOU can work on you. And as I said, if the stuff she says is 1/2-way true, shame on you, and please do something about it.<p>You are obviously angry, irritable, and possibly depressed. You don't drown by falling in water - you drown by staying there. snl, take care of you, and quit blaming Thinker for your misery.<p>This is written TOTALLY out of love and concern. I want the best for both of you. Neither of you is better than the other. You both deserve some resolution of some kind. <p>Faith1

decisions have been made all along faith, as I said, it is a process.<p>1. Previous several years (and ending in a friendship that led to an A)...I had worked (decided) on changing my view that marriage was forever, and feelings didn't matter, and decided I was not going to live the rest of my life this way...that is probably when we became emotionally divorced...this was also represented in our relationship whem we became distant, had seperate bedrooms, and little sex...and I was ok with that finally.<p>2. Decided to no longer live like I was (13 months ago). And agreed to w standing offer (of many years) to divorce.....yes had been in a for several months, but all the affair did is help me clarify my thinking, and realize I was not unlovable....it precipitated the crisis, but I had decided to divorce regardless of A (espeically since ow was stuck in her marriage, and seemed to lack the courage to leave it, instead insisting she would go to grave with secret, and just tough it out).<p>3. Upon my w request to reconsider I decided ok, on the off chance I really didn't know my own mind, or what I want, I would make an effort (as best I can) to see if my understanding of who she is, who I am, and what our marriage is is mistaken....and I saw the value of doing this while married....but I was very very aprehensive, I feared it would be nothing more than a thinly disguised effort to coerce and manipulate me....and indeed for the most part, that is what it has been.<p>4. I decided to read many self-help books, and vest enormous mental/emotional resources in a journey of self-discovery....there had to be reasons for all this, and I wanted to know them so as to make good final decisions.<p>5. I decided to allow my w to cross the line many times over of proper interpersonal conduct, and not take defensive action, allowing her the opportunity to get her anger out. This has been really really hard, she has no respect for any of my boundaries, but ok, I "deserved" it....I am done with this part. I will not tolerate any more abuse.<p>6. I decided to participate in counselling, including being drug to pastors for condemnation, where interestingly the pastors mostly advised her to get off my back, and focus on herself, as did the first marriage counsellor, as has jennifer, and steve, as has almost everyone on the boards. This is not just about me, it is about her too, and I am not responsible (alone) for this mess, and the affair is a miniscule part of it as well.<p>7. I decided to move in the bedroom as part of the effort (and I did)....and later I decided to move back out, and I did.<p>8. When that failed to put any real boundary between us, I decided to move out of the house, and I did. We can quibble over how that is being implemented, but I am not a child, and if I don't want to do it exactly like someone else says I should, that is my right...the issue is my w won't negotiate, and her argument is I have to do what steve, or whoever says....newsflash, steve is not my father, nor my keeper, nor does he have to live my life, or will he suffer my consequences. I am a reasonable person, and can be negotiated with, but I will not be dictated to (at least not without a vigorous response on my part to such aggression, those pesky natural consequences you know). I am a procrastinator, and a disorganized person, I know that, but I am getting all the stuff of a lifetime seperated out, and we do BOTH live off a business, as well as have kids, I think a little patience is in order. And thinker grossly misrepresents the continued interactions we have over the seperation thing. I realize that may be her reality, but the reality of impartial, uninvolved 3rd parties would be different, so you could say we have a clash of needs at the moment....and she is no more right than I am...the problem is we do not communicate/negotiate hardly at all with any kind of success.<p>9. Which brings us to the present, clearly this cannot go on. I am quite able to retain a lawyer, although my preference was for thinker and I to work out the details with less expense, I still have no idea what she wants or will do. She has asked me repeatedly to get a lawywer, I am now convinced that is necessary, and will do so in the next week or so. Proceeding from there, depending on what thinker wants re filing, I will either file, or she can, whichever gives her the greatest advantage, I figure that is only fair, but either way faith, decisions have been made all along, and many more than just what I put here.... I am a proactive individual, but this all takes time, people don't just automatically know how to proceed with this stuff.....what you witness here is a microsm of our life together....the more I dig in my heals, the highter thinker ups the ante, has always been so....not a value judgement, what it is is co-dependent marriage in real time, no books, no stories, you folks are seeing it right in front of your very eyes....someone had to do something, all this differentiation stuff, all this two-decision stuff, all this be co-dependent no more stuff, it is true, and this is what it looks like, one of it's many faces. So I did something faith, right or wrong, makes no difference, the gridlock was broke, and the reality exposed for what it is.....we can not fix this while married, doubt it can ever be fixed, the programming runs way to deep, the anger way to deep, the dysfunctions far to serious and complex..... but ultimately it always boils down to the same thing, we all do what we want to do, and I don't want to do it anymore, and I won't.<p>All I want at this point is for the madness to stop, to put space between us, and work on our own issues, and if in the future we wish to attempt marital intimacy, fine, no one says we can't..... or if we don't, that is fine too, there is no need to be hateful and hurtful, we can be great ex-spouses....<p>I am going to comment (for illustration of what goes on when spouses post) on the box thing. The box was opened for the sole purpose of locking up the emails records, etc, from, the affair, and was joint requiring both signatures to access, so that she could be sure I was not looking at it (why I would do that escapes me, but ok). As a radical honesty issue I agreed to removing them and letting her read them, this was against my better judgement, since such things are highly inflammatory, but ok, her choice, seemed fair...BUT the deal was read em and put it back. This was back in sept or some such, instead she kept the stuff out, constantly refers to it (to get me on something), xeroxed things (supposedly to ow H (out of the blue for him), became generally obsessesed with the whole thing, used the stuff as weapons to LB me, and generally seriously wore out her welcome with me...if I had it to do over again, she would never see anything....I would just have answered her questions and that is it. <p>She has also become belligerent and possessive of this stuff...it is NOT HERS, I am an adult, it is my communucations, I do not need her permission to do anything with it. Anyways I have asked for a couple months to get this stuff put back (primarily cause she obsesses over it, and some other stuff she found on her own and has in a secret stash (so much for honesty). She has not been real cooperative, but didn't say no. Finally I said, allright, let's set a day, and GO DO IT.... somehow that wasn't happening either, or she would aggressively say not today, etc. So while she was gone I decided I'd see if the bank would let me put something in, and took it down there and dumped it in, took about 10 seconds. So as you can see (from MY viewpoint) the box thing is not about some sneaky diabolical plan....and when she portrays such things as other than they are it makes me nuts...personally I think she knows that, and banks on me saying or doing something stupid (like calling her a *****) that she can really get me for....but who knows what she is doing, I have no idea anymore.<p>Thinker has just experienced a natural consequence of not cooperateing with me....I considered the notion of just getting a new box, and locking her out alltogether, but no, I am trying to accomodate her.... I do NOT have to do anything just cause she thinks I should, none of us do, we are all soevereign adults, empowered in a free society to do as we please (subject to the law).....I was cooperateing with her to help her heal, within reason. Instead this whole process has devolved to a parent child relationshop, where the affair has given thinker statuatory power over me (in her mind), and I am no longer an equal (not that I ever was) in this relationship, who cannot do anything without her approval, or I am a big fat decietful liar...etc etc.... Clearly I knew she would quickly realize the stuff was gone, and I knew she would blow her stack when I told her I acted unilaterally....but ya know what.... I don't care....she has gone nuts, and I am out of here, I will not be co-dependent anymore...I will not try to make everything right and be guilted/coerced by those around me....I am a good person, I can make good decisions, and I am ok in my own skin. Thinker has lost all rights and expectations of honesty and cooperation from me because of my perceptions on how those gifts were handled, those natural consequences really suck, I know, but the sooner she realizes I am no longer her personal whipping boy, the better for her I think....in the meantime I will no doubt be seriously injured in whatever ways she can devise to get me, but it's ok, no price is too high to escape this...hopefully she will come to her senses after this is all over, and work on the stuff she should be working on for her own mental health....but whether she does or not, is not my concern, it has to be hers....it has taken me decades to learn this, but I finally got it. I sort of had figured this out, but reading the co-dependent no more book was a major shock, and revelation that helped really make sense of all this, and my emotions. I just hope thinker also sees it, we are both major toxic co-dependents (as opposed to just one of us).<p>Thank-you for your concern faith, I know you, and all mean well, you just cannot have any real idea what it is like for us, you only see the tip of the iceberg here.

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] thanks for replying. I scanned through and will re-read in a bit. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>We want to try to support YOU snl, in every way that we can. I suggested to Thinker that she keep her threads separate. <p>I did see in my scanning that we all agree: that the madness needs to stop. "The height of insanity... bla bla bla...." you know [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>be back later....

Two things I don't understand.<p>1. SnL, why are you at the house AT ALL? And if your answer is because of work related stuff, then why are you doing other things like eating, showering, computer use??? You have a new home, why not take care of those things there?<p>2. Thinker, why are you allowing him to be there. By doing so you are meeting needs of SnL's.<p>I apologize for directing a question to Thinker on an "SnL" thread, just didn't know where else to ask this.<p>Jo

excuse me for speaking out of turn SnL especially if I'm misinterpting.<p> Jo, I don't think this is the application of plan B which would mean that Thinker would have to worry about meeting SnL's needs. It seems to me they are divorcing and he needs access to the house for certain things. That no contact stuff is really a function of plan b, not really an issue if a divorce is in the works and there is no hope of reconcilliation.

Nduli is 100% right on, in my opinion.<p>No plan should be in effect now, MB-wise, they are DIVORCING!<p>snl, this whole "attack" thing -- I went and looked at the "Rules" and at previous posts, and it seems to me that the moderators stepped in when NAMES were used - not for saying rude things about the other. Sheesh, we ALL personally attack our "spouses" (ex's or current) at one time or another... there is SO MUCH pain, ya know?<p>And the "lying" -- NOBODY has any way of knowing the TRUTH, well, except YOU TWO and God, and between the two of ya's is totally subjective, even at that.<p>Wouldya both PLEASE just get the hell away from each other before one of you snaps? <p>Nothing anyone says makes a bit of difference, and I don't expect this to either... but I had to say it anyway.<p>One thing I can say is that I thought my divorce was icky, but it NEVER held a candle to the anger, hatred, and attacks that are in yours. That can't be good for ANYONE. <p>I wish you BOTH peace.<p>[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

Okay, no Plan B, got it. Was not aware of them going into full blown divorce mode. Thanks Nduli and Sheryl.<p>But I still wonder why SnL is at the house doing things like showering and eating. Seems it adds to Thinker's stress. Why not do those things elsewhere???<p>Jo

I think he's using the facilities at the house for the same reason I held onto my H's credit card during our divorce/seperation, pure need. For those with limited financial/support reasources sometimes there's really no other way around it.<p>[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: Nduli2 ]</p>

I am on this thread to answer some of the questions for you. As for the event of SNL looking for his OW, I have the truth in my hands. Yes telephone bill with all the calls. He is looking for her, and he will find her one way or another. So you see, he is not done with her, but she dumped him and he feels left out and lonely from his OW. It is hard being dumped, where you love the dumper and the dumper doesn't love you, I know - experiencing it in real life.<p>The issue of the safe-deposit box. We did agree to put the e-mails back. I offered 3 times lets do it on a certain day. SNL is a procrastinator and he would say lets do it tomorrow, or he forgot or whatever. Listen, we have had this stuff out since October I think. So there was plenty of time to put the stuff back. When I was leaving for a trip with our daughter, (this is where SNL does not tell all) I was packing, washing clothes, getting bills paid, doing grocery shopping, making a big pot of chicken soup for them to eat while I was gone. Cleaning the house. I wasn't sitting on my butt and doing nothing. He said lets do it Friday, I said I don't think so. I am suppose to fit his day in when he wants it. I said when I get back we can do it. I promise, and my promises are good. Of course it is not what he wanted, so he will do what he wants when he wants. He knew the papers were signed for both of us present with the key to the safe-deposit box and to show ID. Well, he went to the box without me, took the material I told him where it was, and without any quilt or remorse for acting against the bank rules, he went in the box. The mistake happened with the person who let him in. And the person I talked to at the bank said, SNL is guilty for his actions, and will see what happens. He is guilty of misleading this person into letting him get in the box knowing that it needed 2 signatures, 2 bodies, and 2 ID's. He is a controller of doing things his way. He would not wait till when I got back. As of now, no one is able to get in the box, a hold has been put on it. The higher authorities are deciding what to do about this tremendous mistake. But was stated to me that SNL knew what he was doing and did it illegally. Bank is to notify me, and I will go down to the bank and discuss the matter with them. SNL will probably have to come too. <p>Anyways, after the bank, I went to SNL to ask for the right key. He put the other safe deposit box key in the wrong envelope. Probably a mistake, but I wonder if it was intentional. Anyways, I went to where he is and calmly asked him if I could have the right key. I held the other key out and said could I have the right key. He was on defense, said no in anger, and basically told me he isn't going to do anything I say, and he will do whatever he wants. Told me that I am not cooperating with him, and therefore he is not going to coooperate with me. Told me to get out of the house, one of the things is I asked him to please show me what he is taking out of the house, and he didn't. One thing he took my computer stating that he would replace it with a new one, and guess what, I don't have a computer upstairs where I can have comfort sitting. This computer is placed wrong, hard chair, and no split keyboard. But SNL's broke down, and right away he comes and takes mine and lies about having a new computer when I get back from South Carolina. He told me when I got back he never promised me a new computer. So I proceeded to go into his bedroom and find the key, he blocks the doorway, and cusses at me calling me a f*c*ing b*t*h and drags me to the door. (This was wrong - sorry SNL) I started screaming and he lets me go. So I said if you won't give me the key could I see if you took anything that you weren't suppose to. An incidence happened that I was looking around, and things got ugly and he spoke to me harsely and spit was coming out of his mouth and hitting my face. I said please don't spit, he took a big wad of spit and spat dirrectly on my face while calling me terrible names. Found a few things, and took them. He called the police, police came and took down the report, and told me that this is his house, he only lives there cause his mother let him, and I can't come in. Fine. I asked about the house I am in, he can come anytime he wants to, unless I have a restraining order. As far as the material items and such, a restraining order is needed to keep him off the premises here. Boy the BS gets the rotten end of the deal in all ways. SNL was probably happy to hear that and he got me. Anyways I went out with the police and they talked to me for about 10 minutes. Discussed a few very important views they saw, and told me to get a paper from the owner of the house. SNL told the police that he and his mom own the house. I clarified the situation, and said the deed is only in her name. Anything else is between them. <p>I went home, cried, talked to his mother and requested a paper. Got that. Come home after being in the field with the dogs. SNL was here, see he can come whenever he wants. He had a customer here. When customer leaves, tells me that he has the key to give to me. See the control issue, see the coercing, see the vindictive manner. Now I get the key and all he had to do was give me the key hours ago and I would of left. Cause I told him when I was at his place, what happened and then he tells me at this house that you probably got someone in trouble and you shouldn't have done that. I said you were the one in the wrong, and as you see, there is no remorse or guilt for what he did, but criticizes me for doing what I did. <p>This morning he did say a statement that he never said before. That yes he has a problem with telling people what to do and criticizing people. I was really shocked and said okay. <p>I went home hung bedding and sheets on the line that I washed at the laundry mat. Took a walk and talked to his mother. What gets me is the different story his mother got. I don't know if SNL is okay or not. But he does not seem to be in a rational mind in the last year or so. And seems that things are getting worse. I had to get a paper from his mother to go take care of the horses. They are on the same property. Police talked to me outside, and told me a few things that I won't discuss here, but one they told me to get a paper with her signature on it stating that I am allowed to do the horses. Anyways, I have that now. And basically need to serve him the papers. <p>As he left the house here, he told me I will be served by Friday. <p>That is the story, here at the SNL/THINKER household. No remorse or guilt. SNL told me he doesn't feel any remorse or guilt. It is the way he is and he won't change. But once again I am in the wrong for checking with the bank on why they let SNL in without two signatures. But SNL doesn't mention once in his statements, that what he did was wrong, and intentional. No sorry, for acting irrational, with the police and me. Spitting on my face & calling me bad names. I didn't call him a name, told him he was irrational and not the person I married. <p>Anyways, another marriage down the drain, SNL keeps posting, and more marriages will go down the drain. His words are so negative, and of course he is negative towards marriages. Vows mean nothing and committment means nothing. My 2-sense. Life is a big bad world. Yes, SNL needs psychiatric help. Won't go, says he is fine. 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