After 7 years of marriage and 12 years of being together, my wife left me and our five children for another man. Presently about two weeks after finding out about the relationship she is living 700 clicks away with him. I have tried to be decent through the whole thing so far, but find that once in a while when she phones to talk to the kids I am so angry and hurt, that I lash out at her. Since I am still in the early stages of this situation, I have not decided which way to go with the marriage. I guess if she gave me any incling of hope I know I would be willing to work on it. Presently she continues to see the other guy, and has filled the kids life and mine with so many lies, I don't know what to believe. At present I have not told the children anything except that their mother is very confused, and needs time to to be by herself. I do this for the best interest of the children, as inside myself I want everyone to know how much she hurt us. We have had a few very active years, and I know our relationship suffered with everything that was on the go. The first time I really heard her say she was missing something was after I know she was in the relationship with this other person. I believed I was listening and knew things had to change, but do not believe that I was ever given a chance to. Was I not listening, or was she not talking about what was missing in the relationship?

Lost;
I fully sympathize, as I found myself in very much the same situation...caught me totally by surprise, although she did not leave and I am working on our M.
I would suggest reading "Surviving an Affair" (Harley/Chalmers) and begin to discover the issues and formulate a plan.
You will find much support and feedback here, as I have, and you will soon start seeing the road ahead.
We feel for you, and we're here to help.
BTW, love your handle....

Lost in space,<p>You asked:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Was I not listening, or was she not talking about what was missing in the relationship? <hr></blockquote><p>Most likely, both!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I'm serious.<p>Welcome to MB, although I'm sorry your circumstances bring you here in such desparation. Please read all you can on the MB web-site, and the forums here. Take some deep breaths. It sounds like you are doing well, considering your cirumstances.<p>5 kids??? Wow. Your W walked away from 5 kids. <p><biting my tongue> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, read all you can, and keep posting. I'd like to encourage you to learn and decide to give your marriage a chance. <p>Plan A is where you need to start. Learn what you and your W's most important EN's are (Emotional Needs), and fill as many as you can. Learn what LB's are (Love Busters), and avoid them. <p>You can ONLY control YOU. In my opinion, you may want to move to Plan B fairly quickly, but you need to establish your personal goals, make some changes, and demonstrate them.<p>A phone session with Steve Harley would be PRICELESS to you and your family, to get things on the best direction possible. There's a link at the top of this page that says "Counsel" - click there for info on Phone counseling.<p>You are probably a very busy man, so click through the links in my signature line, especially WAT's Quickstart guide. <p>Hang in there!

Lost in space - you still around?