This morning, my wife finally moved out. She boxed up her clothes, bathroom Items, a few pictures, some kitchen things, and brought them over to her newly rented Apt.
My wife has been telling me that since D-Day, she speaks to OM, but hasn't been seeing him. Yesterday, I drove by OM's apt around lunchtime, and saw my wife's car parked outside.
I called her cell and left a message to call me when "she's through". She called back 5 minutes later, asking me what is wrong. I asked her to meet me at our house. When she arrived, I asked her to come clean, and tell me the truth about her continuing affair. She confessed, and swore that she has told the OM that she needed space and time alone when she moves into her new apt.
I told her that was her choice to make.
To further confuse the situation, last night she made love to me, and it was as passionate as the first time 7 years ago. After, she told me she still loves me, and that while 3or4 weeks ago she was seriously considering filing for divorce, she has since changed her mind. She says that the changes in me are what she has wanted all along, and that for the first time in a long while, she sees reconciliation as an option....so she's put a halt to the divorce papers.
I told her that I sincerely hoped that she finds her answers once we're separated, and that I'm here for her anytime, day or night. I also said that I hoped our paths would reunite us one day...but that I was going to use the coming weeks to strengthen myself, and my bond with our daughter.
Anyways, she's gone now. I've re-arranged our bedroom, cleaned the entire house, changed the code on the garage door opener, and called for a locksmith, who will be here in about an hour.
I love my wife dearly, and pray that we can reconcile down the road.
But for now, I gotta focus on me, my daughter, and our home.
Only my dearest wife can find HER path....HER answers, and HER future.
Sorry if this is long or choppy. Lots going through my head right now.....from all directions.

as I read your story it actually gave me hope - You seem to be a very strong person and have held it together for yourself and your D - My children are what make me continue each and everyday. We try to make life as normal as possiable for them.<p>I'm very new at this myself so the only advice I have is to stay strong - Let you W know that you love her and will be there for her as long as she has NO contact with OM but until then hold your ground.<p>Question? If she has seen the side of you that she has wanted all along, why did she choose now to move out?

<<<Question? If she has seen the side of you that she has wanted all along, why did she choose now to move out?>>><p>The separation has been planned for about 2 or 3 weeks now. My wife says she needs time alone to "fix herself", time to figure out what she wants....etc...
She was sexually abused by her father, (who died last Oct.), and she has many issues from her past.
That, and I believe she is very confused, and that she feels she must prove to herself she can survive on her own. She has always been a very dependant person.
Now she has the time and space she says she needs.
Its up to her what she does with it.

I understand! My H was very abused, physically and mentally by both of his parents - something he has never dealt with it - He is now in counseling trying to deal with all these issues from his past that I can't even begin to understand.<p>good luck.

Hi Maximus,<p>I'm so sorry about your W moving out. But I'll tell you what, that isnt the worse that can happen.<p>The worse that "could've" happened is you could have LB'd (Love Busted), but You Didn't! And that speaks volumes to your wife that you are a safe person to turn to when things become rough in Affair-ville. <p>I know how bad this feels, her leaving. Please continue to take good care of yourself and your childen. Time and patience, Max .... Time and patience.<p>Love,
Jo

<<<I know how bad this feels, her leaving. Please continue to take good care of yourself and your childen. Time and patience, Max .... Time and patience.>>><p>Its unbearable. I'm 32, and have spent the last 1/4 of my life with my wife. Waking up tomorrow without her next to me is going to be rough.
Got to hold it together for my daughter though.
She's my angel. Her pain is much more a priority than mine.
Telling her last night that "mommy was going to move to her own house" was awful.

It's sounds like you're holding together. <p>I am also proud of your Plan A efforts. Keep them up!! Your changes are obvious AND acknowledged by your W - that's great!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] She will miss you.<p>It's ok to feel overwhelmed. Tie a knot in that rope and hang on!! Hug that lil angel, and hold on to a pillow tonight and in the morning. Pray. Write in a journal. Crying is ok too [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . Write her a letter and don't give it to her. And keep reading and posting. Offer support where you can - you'll be amazed at the strength you'll gain from doing that.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear maximus,<p>Your situation struck a familiar chord. I can understand your bewilderment due to your W's behavior. My 33 year-old son is the stabilizing parent to his 3 1/2 year-old son. He is dealing with his wife's filing for D and moving out also. She is struggling with the issue of sexual abuse that has damaged their relationship far more than her A. Their MC has said that she has to "fix herself" before she can fix the M. Your little girl is so lucky to have you maintain her home for her in spite of the turmoil her mother has brought into her life. It will be your W's decision that will determine the future success of your M. Sadly, there is nothing you can do to hurry it up. I'm sorry for your and your D's pain.<p>Best wishes,
Estes<p>[ April 16, 2002: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>

<<<Your little girl is so lucky to have you maintain her home for her in spite of the turmoil her mother has brought into her life. >>><p>First, thank you all for the support. <p>Second, my wife and I have agreed to a 50/50 arrangement as far as our daughter goes. Given everything thats happened, I felt my D should stay with me for a while, and see her mom on weekends. My wife balked and basically implied a custody suit if I insisted....so we comprimised.
I feel staying home with me a majority of the time is in my daughter's best interests...but had I forced the issue, judges and lawyers would be making that decision rather than us.