This is a very shortened version of a very long story. I am almost positive that my husband is having an affair and get this, last weekend he went out of town (without HER) and I counted the condoms we had in the drawer and 2 were gone. (He thinks I am a fool I guess, yes I count them). I am more than sure he took them "in case" he met someone in a bar. <p>This was like the last thing. I have lost my love for him. I now know he has lied our whole marriage, 13 years. I want out. I have no money and 2 young children. What is the first thing I can do? He will not be easy to get out of the house. Help!

Hello,<p>I saw from your March post that you have suspected your H of cheating for awhile now. It is really hard and hurtful to be where you are now. I am sorry for your distress.<p>Have you read the material on the main MB site? Are you certain that you want to end your marriage OR might there be a chance to recover?<p>If you KNOW for sure that you want to end the M, don't do anything hastily. There is preparation that you must do first. You need to set up your support network before you act. Do you have family nearby? A church family? Friends you can trust? Do you have an attorney? Do you have job skills? Is your H violent? Have you considered a counselor for yourself? Lots of questions, huh? I don't mean to pry. Just trying give you some things to think through before you take action.<p>If you feel comfortable to do so, let us know more about your situation so our advice can be more relevant. For now, try to stay calm. Come here to vent your frustrations and concerns rather than confront your H until you have thought your plans through.<p>Waiting to hear from you. Take care,
Estes

I guess the gist of my question is this: I have no money, 2 children, and stay at home. My husband's salary just gets us by but in August my smallest child will be in school and I will start work. At this point in my life, I just want him out. I know him. He will not leave. What can I do? If I went to an attorney is there any way just from testifying about the condoms, etc, that the court could make him move out? Thanks.

I have not encountered this situation myself. There are some here who have discussed this, though. One conversation that I remember indicated that it would be hard to get the adulterous partner out without hard evidence of threat to the family. Sadly, "simple" adultery or suspicion of adultery doesn't get much attention as a reason to kick a WS out of the house. <p>However, if you live in a state where there is legal separation, or if you petition the court for D, there will be a court hearing. At the hearing, a judgment will be made about who stays in the house and who moves out. Support payments will also be set to help you with the children.<p>Perhaps someone will come along soon who has had direct experience with this. I do know that it is to your advantage to stay in the house with the kids when it comes to custody. The spouse who moves out is at a disadvantage.<p>Sorry I was not more help. Play it cool and don't let on to your H what you are planning until you know your legal rights. Can you contact a lawyer tomorrow? <p>Estes

You definitely need to consult an attorney and/or research the laws in your state.<p>I am not an attorney, but have had the unfortunate experience of being involved in several family court cases.<p>I believe that unless there is sufficient reason to the contrary, that if you are the first to file (the petitioner) for divorce or legal separation, stating that you are no longer able to live as husband and wife and requesting an ex parte order for temporary custory of the children and occupancy of the family home, it is usually granted, and the other spouse has to vacate by order of the court.<p>The police will enforce a court order. He would be able to take his personal property only, unless the judge specified certain community property to be under his jurisdiction.<p>There are usually organizations that will help you get a restraining order, including an order to vacate, if there is domestic violence involved.<p>The fact that you are the primary caretaker of the children puts you in the better position for maintaining occupancy of the family home. Usually the courts want to keep disruption of the children's lives to a minimum, so the more you can argue your case based on the best interest of the children and convince the court of it, the more likely the court will grant your petitions.<p>I believe an ex parte order can be obtained before you serve the other party so that the order can be served along with the summons. This would be the best option, because then you would have the protection of the court order right away. You really need an attorney for this unless you have experience filing court papers yourself.<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

Is the OW married? If so, maybe you could get the the OW husband and gather some info on them. Depending on what state you are in...that could help in a CC case.<p>Just a thought...

Thank you all so much. Actually I am to the point of following him tomorrow to see where he goes at 5 so I can find out. I will have a 35 mm camera with me......Yes, I do have a support group of friends and also at church. Thank you so much for your caring. Thanks for all the other advice. I think I will call a lawyer. I am also going to try to record his phone calls this weekend.....I am doing all this on my own though, no one wants to be involved. I don't have the money to call a stranger (investigator) to help. I will let y'all know. Thanks.