Hi all,<p>I just received result from FCS (family court services) about CC. On my WW's paper she petition 70-30 physical and stay at the resident (i.e kick me out). I responded with 100% and stay at home. Last week I have mediation w/ FCS and they interview my 2 D plus 2 teachers. The recomendation are reversed on what she asked for. I have 70% and stay at home. Plus my 2 D are not allow to spend any night at OM's apartment or under the care of OM's mom or OM. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>All of this of course still not final at all and our lawyers will probably challenge it. But it is a moral victory for me. Specially reading the summary .... Further this conselor is somewhat confused and concerned with the mother's depiction of her "male freinds", as well as with the circumstances that led up to the male freind requsting RO against OMW, as the Court made mutual restraining order in that case. .... OM lied on his RO and the court found out [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] . Even the conselor (FCS) could see OM as not what it seems to be.<p>I thank the Lord for lifting up my spirit ... it is hard in CA for Dad to get CC. WW will only get my 2 D every other weekend, half day on Tues and one day on Thursday. I will see what her lawyer will say about this ... actually she is only taking care less than 10% in the past 6 months.<p>[ April 26, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

RedHat,<p>Just saw your post. I was almost going to shut down for the night. Well, you sound better and I am glad custody is showing more in your favor. You are right about CA laws favoring the mother but it is a good thing the counselors could see that the mother is not being a healthy influence and should not have full custody. <p>What would she do with your daughters when she wants to play? I would think that she would want more free time. She has had that up to now but now the stigmatism of the A will brand her for life. Her choice. <p>Praying that your family continue strong and together. <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid,<p>Thanks. I think my 2 D are happy as well. But I have to hear what her lawyer will say.<p>-RH-

dear redhat- so good to hear some uplifting news!! i know it is not final but i am so happy for you moral victory. you sound good. keep up the good work and best of luck to you and daughters. my prayers are with you.

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] sounds like good news. You deserve some. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Keep us posted. <p>P.S. Your advice and support on this forum is wonderful. Please stick around and keep helping [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .

redhat,<p>What a relief to hear how the mediation turned out. Obviously, your deserve to have your girls in your custody. Maybe this will give me more faith in the courts to be fair and recognize the damage a "fogged in" WS does to children.<p>I am afraid that my S will be involved in his own C battle before the year is out. Although S has been the stable one paying attention to his child while WS was involved with OM and crashing emotionally, the courts seem to favor the mother, even an adulterous one. Your situation gives me hope.<p>Best wishes,
Estes

Hi All,<p>I had my first hearing Wed. I was right away busy talking to my lawyer, my realtor and house hunting. I could not update any earlier.<p>The judge stick w/ mediator's recomendations .... yeaaaahhh. I don't need to move and I have the primary resident, I have the coustody and she has the visitation. Now, the bummer part is I have to pay child custody since she is not working. Also at that time the spousal support was set. I think a bit of reality set in in her head. There is no way we could afford two household even w/ pulling out my 2 D from private school and probably from skating too. She wants the $ so I push it also that we sell the property asap. I do not want to go into debt. I want financial settlement drafted and done asap.<p>I got the offer on the property right away and she signed it. I filled up application on condo for rent, it is in a nice area at a reasonable price.<p>I talk to SH, give him update and I hope it is not my last call to him. We are in agreement that I would not even entertain hint of reconciliation from WW, I would send her way to SH. I would not even cancel this Dv unless SH could give his professional opinion that I could not only recover my M but have fullfiling M. I would not settle for anything less.<p>
Estes,
Yes, your S could have custody. He has to show that he could be the reponsible one. Spend time w/ his kids as much as he can. You should not help out !!!, sorry to say this. I have to let my mom go home last September since I need to show it to the court that I could handle my family w/o anyone help. (Actually her lawyer didn't even contest the social worker's recomendation, since he knew that it is a generous offer on the table) Occational help is fine but not prolong or scheduled one. My WW also made some fatal mistake that she send her cellular bill to OM's apartment on Jan. She established her residency over there, not from the date that she filed. (March). Get your son to talk to a specialized lawyer for men in divorce. Which state are your S lived in ?.<p>-RH-

I just wanted to say bravo for you redhat. You've been helpful to me in the past and I am glad things are going your way with your children. God Bless.

redhat,<p>I have been wondering how you are. At least things are progressing without conflict. You and the girls will move to the condo, then?<p>Re: S and DIL, the court order made her custodial parent. S has visitation. In reality, she has GS 4 days; S has him 3 days. DIL puts GS in day care on her days even though she does not work outside the home. GS wears her down.<p>I see S and GS only every 2-3 months, so S is basically on his own. When DIL filed for D last April, they lived 300 miles away from me(in central Texas). They now live 500 miles away from me in New Mexico where she moved last May. S moved to NM last December, hoping to reconcile. S still has two months to file for D under Texas law which does not require spousal support like NM does.<p>I'm glad you get to keep the girls with you. They are lucky to have you.
Estes<p>[ April 26, 2002: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>

Thanks all -RH-<p>
Estes,<p>Yes, we will move out from the apartement since we are going to sell the property (6 units apartment). It will be great for my 2 D and also I will have my support system around them ... closer to the skating rink and many of the skater lived in the area.<p>On my paper it is stated that the other spouse will have the first shot if spouse could not care for them ... i.e put them in day care. Check w/ laywer your S might have a case there. IMVHO. I would advice your S to file under Texas, he could wait until the last minute but he should. We all try to save WS (in my case since OM is not a pretty picture), try to save M but if it is all failed then his obligation is to GS. Including protecting financially and legally. If S wants to support DIL, he could "give" it to her as a gift later but not mandatory. Let DIL appreciate the "gift" rather than DIL get it as her "right". Does DIL cancel the D ?<p>-RH-

RH-
It was so good to hear you are doing well (relatively).<p>I'm glad things are going your way. It is best for you and your girls......keep praying, and believing, but doing what must be done. You know the drill.<p>I am still praying your WW will "see the light" and come OUT of the fog! Eventually, she will. I hope she does before she loses the best guy she ever had (you).<p>May God Bless,

kepp up the good work redhat, my dear friend. glad to hear of your news. you are doing a great job- your daughters are very lucky.

I could be ignorantly wrong here but things sure are different with custody and court over here in oz compared to the states. I dont know alot but I know the basics - hopefully I'll never have to know anything else. Theres no such thing as custody here. Everythings divied up according to the best interests of the child. For eg. I would not be successful in relocating any further than 3 hours away from WH as he can get me called back asap and the court will probably hand total residence over to H as it shows them that Ive put my best interests first, not my S. I have to agree that there is and element of truth in that situation, although its going to the extreme. Even Grandparents have a huge say as to distance. <p>About you paying CS$ to your wife....WHAT THE???
Are you serious? So, shes got 30% residence. What does she do the other 70% Does she get a pension? I thought the $ was for everyday living expenses. I use every dollar I get towards my S. Hopefully you wont have to pay much. And I suppose youre working and having to find child care of some sort. How does it all work, thats scary. I get a pension (dont work) for the primary reason of bringing up my little lamb on my own. I'm a teacher and theres always work, but I consider it a privelegde to be at home at this time in my S life. When he goes to Kindy/School I'll return to work. I do a day here and there for extra $, which is a blessing. But youve got it hard. Is she looking for work? Can she work? Guess I dont know the full picture. <p>Still, good for you, youve done well and God will most definately provide everything you need financially and supportwise to be the best Dad you can. <p>Take care<p>Dancer

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>On my paper it is stated that the other spouse will have the first shot if spouse could not care for them ... i.e put them in day care. <hr></blockquote><p>Very interesting, redhat. My DIL insists that S take GS to day care on HIS days with GS to "keep GS on a schedule"!! S refuses. Says GS is better off with dad than day care. <p>No, DIL has not dropped the D. It has been hanging over the M since last April, irreconcilable differences. S will counter sue on grounds of adultery and try for physical custody if it comes to that.<p>Dancer, in Texas, grandparents have NO rights. They can't even get guaranteed visitation.<p>Estes

redhat,<p>Good to hear the judge followed the mediators recommendations. It gives me hope. As you may recall, I too have filed for full custody. Don't really know what my chances are, but I'm sure they are as good as any father's. It's good to know that the courts aren't as biased towards the mothers as they once were, but I guess that's a sign of the times with so many two income families. We have mediation coming up soon, not sure when. If nothing else, hopefully it will make my W realize things aren't so cut and dried regarding mothers automatically getting custody.
Hooray for you!!!!!<p>sad dad

lupolady & nikko, thank for the prayers. I know this is what He wanted for me and also my WW is a bad wife but actually was a very good mom. I wnated to give my WW a chance as a mom to my 2 D but I will not be patience at all ... if she is slipping, I will have no mercy of pushing for full custody. Actually my lawyer indicated I could get it if I want to press for it but it will lengthy hearing plus I honor my 2 D's request not to put them through meeting with either Social Worker or phycologist. They have a hard time and worries everytime I told them that I have to go to conseling if they have to go too.<p>Estes, watch out with your DIL ... she might be up to something. Check w/ lawyer to consult about the situation. She actualy can not move out of state (NM) while in Dv w/o your son permissions or court order. She did that probably to get a favorable Dv law. Check with a lawyer that familiar w/ both Texas & NM law. Don'e let 2 months dead line pass.<p>Dancer, yes ... this is CA. No fault states ... I break my back holding 2 jobs while she is "whining" to OM then I become a handyman for our property while she is not working and having A w/ OM. Life is not fair. You see, she is not working 4 years ago ... she knows OM 5.5 years ago ... I think they are plotting since then. IMO, OM also gives my WW assurance that she will get full coustody. She is not working and could spend time 100% with the kids. Their mistakes letting me to take control the whole situations and the court reversed my WW's petitions. You are right about custody, I didn't get full custody but I got primary resident and more share time w/ the kids. It is a slap in the face on her. The court order her to work but she don't have to work if she doesn't want to ... she get 3K+/month.<p>sad dad, I filed for full custody too but I prayed hard and I told my Lord to use the mediator and I will take whatever the mediator gives me. I could press for it but I don't want to prolong this misery for the sake of my 2 D and for my sanity. Actually my family has only me working, that is why it is a slap in my WW's face !!!. Good luck on your mediator ... my advice to you is ... 1.don't be late, be there at least .5 hours earlier and fill in all the paper work before you go there. 2.write down the points you want to say, you will be ask about present CC arrangement, in the past years and what is your future plan. 3.open up your WW's A, anything to show that your WW's misjudgements (I show family RO on OM), OMW's accusations etc. 4. be ready w/ your child's teachers name/phone# or any persons for references or prove to help your case. 5. Ask your lawyer to arrange w/ mediator that will help your case. My lawyer is very experience and know every body, he knew the FCS's clerk to make sure that I get the very experience SW. 6. Remember everything about your kids ... favorite color, animals, shoe sizes, their memorable experiences, ... of course their B-day too ... etc. 7. Get medication ... I double my paxil doses few days before. Last, but the most important, pray to the Lord ... and know that it is not your prayer that will give the favor to you but it is HIS grace and a gift to you so that you could glorify HIM and build your faith in HIM. Good luck and keep us updated w/ your mediation. You should know by calling the FCS# that is listed on the Dv paper. Let us know so that we could all pray for you.

RH,<p>Been wondering about U! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Glad to hear that the justice system is not as much in the fog! Keep us posted. <p>You are a good dad and have put the interests of your family even ahead of your own. Something the Ws has NOT done. Now this is going to be on the record. This is sad but true. To hide it would not be healthy for your family. <p>Take Care,
L.

Orchid,<p>Glad to hear from you ... hope you are not at work ... [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] slow down, you need to be with your H. LOL.<p>Yes, it is sad ... I told my 2 D that I will keep my journal and the proves ... all the way to 1997 phone bills and all the legal paper plus the tapes from snooping & OMW's tape message to my W. When they 've grown up and ready, they could ask me for it. They could check it up, burn it, keep it, or do whatever they want with it. I will put it in the seal envelope and put it in a safety deposit.<p>I don't know what to think on my WW, I found out from my D ... appearently she is looking to move a few block from the condo that I plan to rent !. She knows that once the Dv is finalized I will be in plan C !!! moving on and never look back. I want to move as far away as possible from her. I might stay in the area, send my kids to private school (on my account) and let her stuck with her rental lease for one year. A trick from Martian to Venusian Lady.<p>Don't work too hard [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] -RH-

Redhat, Sounds like you have definitely moved on. I am glad to see that you are so strong and that the courts are in your favor. SOme spouses do not want to reconcile. We cannot make them unfortunately, and when it goes this far... it makes the hurt so much more. Some people have to be divorced to see what they have lost, this may be true for your wife. I am sorry you had to file and that it got this far, this is my first post to you I think since you filed (so I am not sure how long preceedings have been going on).<p>Continued good luck to you and may be peace be with you during this time of trial.<p>Amen<p>Honey

Honey,<p>She filed last month not me. I still willing to work on M until the day the court finalized my Dv. But it will be under my term and SH's accessment. I gave my best. It is sound funny, now I am the one who say I still love her but I am not in love with her. My whole reasoning to push the $ settlement way out before the Dv finalized is that I want to let WW and OM to have it now. Let them have that part of their fantasy now ... hope they will eat each other. I will take her back only with SH's assurance that I could have a fullfiling M before it is finalized. Otherwise you will see my ad in yahoo ... DAM w/ 2 beatifull D, loves kids, financially secure, loves to cook & enjoy doing housework, very handy, looking for ... [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>I am glad that you are doing better now. I am still following your posts.<p>Thanks -RH-