I have a personal update if I ever get the courage to write it but right now I want to know your opinion on soul mates?.<p>Do they exist?<p>What is your definition?<p>Is it some sort of cosmic, destiny issue or a good match made stronger through dedication and hard work?<p>Is this just a myth or misconception that hinders the real work of marriages or a legitimate concept?<p>If you believe in soul mates, are you with yours?<p>Thank you!

Hi. Ok, here are my thoughts.<p><<I have a personal update if I ever get the courage to write it but right now I want to know your opinion on soul mates?.>><p>I for one would love to hear your personal update.<p><<Do they exist?>><p>I think they do.<p><<What is your definition?>><p>Not quite sure how I would define it. I guess, a soul mate to me would be the person that I want to marry and spend the rest of my life making happy.<p><<Is it some sort of cosmic, destiny issue or a good match made stronger through dedication and hard work?><p>Cosmic? I never really thought about it. I would have to say that it's a match that feels like it's really meant to be, and grows stronger each day (of course with dedication and hard work).<p><<Is this just a myth or misconception that hinders the real work of marriages or a legitimate concept?>><p>Myth vs. legitimate concept? Does it really matter. I think it can be both, depends on who you are asking.<p><<If you believe in soul mates, are you with yours?>><p>Yes. My husband and I are truly meant to be. We dated in high school. Went our separate ways for about 4 years. Got back together, married, had our beautiful son. Now we are working productively through the damage of my affair, but we are growing together every day. I look at him and see the man I want to make happy for the rest of his life.<p>
[img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

NB--<p>Re- Soulmates<p>Do they exist? I believe they do.<p>What is your definition? I believe it is two people who, through fate, destiny, kismet or whatever come together to find each other despite what could be long odds of that ever happening. Two people who seem to be "just right" for each other and understand each other when the rest of the world just doesn't get it.<p>are you with yours? I sure thought I was. And to a certain extent still think my WW is my soul mate. I think she felt that way too B4 the A. Now, who knows? With some luck the fog will clear and she will see it again. I guess that could be included in adding to the belief of soul mates, maybe.<p>I know there are a lot of people who don't believe in the concept but call me a hopeless romantic I do...<p>Of course the whole thing could be a big load of horse poop. That's what living with the A and aftermath can do to undermine your beliefs. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: Elad ]</p>

Nurse Betty:<p>This is just my opinion:<p>Within the context of marriage, being "soulmates" with your spouse...the person you've committed your soul and heart and body to forever...makes perfect sense.<p>As far as being soulmates with someone other than your spouse, that's a bunch of baloney used to justify doing what you want to do! I've been a BS and a WS (see sig. line), and I actually uttered the words "you're my soulmate" to two men within 6 months of each other (H and OM). I knew down in my heart it was a load of garbage when I said it to OM. <blech! gag! ugh!> I'm still ashamed and embarassed about that! <p>Just my perspective....<p>at peace

No, I don't believe in soulmates as in there is only one perfect partner in the world for me. <p>I believe maybe in chemistry, even with friends, sometimes I meet someone and I instantly want them for a friend, others, I get the "ick".<p>Or...feeling drawn to someone, but then discovering they are lousy, scurvy folk and treat you badly when you get to know them.

Experience, anecdotal evidence doesn't seem to bear out the idea of soulmate. How many people who once thought they were soulmates marry & then divorce? How many affairs that start with soulmates...survive, much less succeed?<p>I think the chemistry can get us together, but after the "honeymoon" if there aren't commonalities and relationship effort, the chemistry isn't enough to keep the relationship strong. It helps, but it doesn't guarantee the relationship works.<p>Everyone has weaknesses & flaws, optimally they match with strengths both within the person & with the partner.<p>My H fell in love with my picture, before he met me, and told one of our mutual friends that I was the girl he was going to marry. I recall the first time I saw my H, and I was drawn to him. If there were soulmates, I think he is mine.<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</p>

My spiritual believes center around reincarnation, so my interpretation of the soulmate concept is a bit different.<p>Do they exist? Absolutely!<p>What is your definition? Souls who have been linked in past lives frequently come together in life after life - these are truly soul mates, or perhaps soul partners is a better word.<p>are you with yours? I think I have met one or two souls in my lifetime I have known before. I did not get that sense with my husband, so I don't class it that way. With my husband, I have (usually!!) such a sense of peace, contentment, security - a good, solid fit interspersed with some passion. It's worth fighting for, I think.

<<<Do they exist?>>><p>Yes, but I hate the term because it seems very junior high.<p>What is your definition?<p>2 people who meet in what seems to be a predestined way and have a special connection. Things just seem to fall perfectly into place and the timing is just right (your soulmate is NOT married to someone else when you meet lol!) Like 2 halves of a puzzle. From that point on, no matter what happens you will always be pulled back to each other, even if you are pulled apart.<p><<<Is it some sort of cosmic, destiny issue or a good match made stronger through dedication and hard work?>>><p>I think it's definitely both.<p><<<Is this just a myth or misconception that hinders the real work of marriages or a legitimate concept?>>><p>It depends on the people you are dealing with. My sister's exH thought that every new woman he had a crush on was his soulmate lol. So in his case it was definitely detrimental to his marriages. It also doesn't mean that you won't have to work on the marriage, just that you had a special start and a special connection (which is a definite advantage).<p><<<If you believe in soul mates, are you with yours?>>><p>Absolutely. He is definitely my other half. When my husband and I met it was definitely something different, and I thought I had been "in love" many times before. Everything was fairytale perfect. It's hard to explain here (long story), but there is no reason we hadn't known each other for years already. But if we had met earlier the timing would have been wrong. It was like fate kept us just barely passing out of each other's view until the time was just right. I do believe that we are/were truly meant to be.<p>I'm not usually one for posting song lyrics but this song has always struck me as being about "soulmates" finding their way back to each other.<p>"When you Come Back to Me Again"<p>(Jenny Yates/ Garth Brooks)<p>There's a ship out
On the ocean
At the mercy of the sea
It's been tossed about lost and broken
Wandering aimlessly
And God, somehow you know that ship is me
There's a lighthouse in a harbor shining faithfully
Pouring its light out across the water
For this sinking soul to see
That someone out there still believes in me<p>Chorus:<p>On a prayer
In a song
I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on
Ahhh, raining down against the wind
I'm reaching out 'til we reach the circle's end
When you come back to me again<p>There's a moment
we all come to
in our own time and our own space
Where all that we've done
we can undo
if our heart's in the right place<p>On a prayer
In a song
I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on
Ahhh, raining down against the wind
I'm reaching out til' we reach the circle's end
When you come back to me again<p>And again I see my yesterdays in front of me
Unfolding like a mystery
You're changing all that is and used to be<p>On a prayer
In a song
I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on
Ahhh, raining down against the wind
I'm reaching out til' we reach the circle's end
When you come back to me again
(When you come back to me again)<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: fairydust ]</p>

fairydust---<p>You said: 2 people who meet in what seems to be a predestined way and have a special connection. Things just seem to fall perfectly into place and the timing is just right <p>Exactly<p>I love that Garth Brooks song---<p>BTW---do you think Trisha is his soulmate?<p>E

i HATE the word "soulmate" ever since I saw an e-mail my H sent OW suggesting she use that as her screen name!! I think the word is VERY OVERRATED and misused.<p>I think it should not be confused with romantic love. If there is such a thing I think soulmate is connected to destiny or karma etc and is someone who comes into our lives to teach us some lesson we have to learn, even if that lesson is a painful one in life's journey. I think it can be any person, not a romantic person. I think a soulmate would not be someone you have everything "in common" with, but instead someone very differant, whom you may not even like if you meet them. Again, its because there is a lesson to be learned and thats the person to bring you in that direction.

No, I don't believe in them. Not in the sense of 2 people being destined for each other, the perfect match, the ONE, etc...<p>I believe that there is not one person destined for each of us, but rather many who have the basic "ingredients" to be a good match. From there, it is a matter of commitment to each other, growing together, nurturing each other, etc...<p>True soulmates are not predestined...they are those who's souls have grown, intertwined, together over time.<p>Kathi<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: kam6318 ]</p>

I think Lor said it best. I don't think there is any *one* person for each of us...I think there are lots of people whose personalities/interests are compatible with ours and with whom we could make a marriage work if we know how marriage works in the first place.<p>I also agree that people use 'soulmate' as an excuse to carry on what they know they shouldn't be doing in the first place.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Elad:
<strong>fairydust---<p>You said: 2 people who meet in what seems to be a predestined way and have a special connection. Things just seem to fall perfectly into place and the timing is just right <p>Exactly<p>I love that Garth Brooks song---<p>BTW---do you think Trisha is his soulmate?<p>E</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I think his ex-wife is probably his soulmate. They kept finding their way back to each other and I wouldn't doubt if they do again someday. I should also add that I dont' necessarily think that soulmates stay together forever either. Mkaing a marraige work takes a lot of hard work in addition to that special connection. But I think 2 halves of the puzzle, once united, will never be totally satisfied with anyone else in the long run.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>But I think 2 halves of the puzzle, once united, will never be totally satisfied with anyone else in the long run.
<hr></blockquote><p>Then, what about when they meet up with, what would it be, the 3rd, 4th part of the soulmate? And cheats on or dumps the first soulmate? Who'd be stupid enough to realize and say they have a soulmate and cheat on them?<p>Maybe we're all one big jigsaw puzzle and we have soulmates on every side? And they have soulmates on their sides.<p>It sounds like chasing the wind, you catch it and it's still just air.<p>I know, I'm being difficult. <p>Perhaps it is because I've had 2 other men besides my H tell me I am their soulmate. Well, what's up with that? I could have believed it of either of them. Yet one was definitely a scoundrel. The other...married someone else rather quickly.<p>I realize the infidelity board isn't the ideal to find living breathing practicing soulmates, but where are the successful ones in media, in life? Certainly in literature they die young and badly.<p>[ April 18, 2002: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</p>

I used to believe in soul-mates. I used to believe that there could be one person out there who totally got me. I would look into his eyes at that would be it for me, I would just know. He would be my one and only. We would always feel the same way about life, money, children, whatever. <p>Then I grew up. From the very moment I met my husband it was instant attraction. He was wonderful, everything I was looking for in a man. I still think he is one of the best people I have ever met. But as it always does, things change, marriage gets hard. Somebody has a bad day and snaps out at the other. Somebody forgets to take out the garbage, do the dishes, etc. Somebody has to take care of the kids. Somewhere in all of that day to day stuff romance gets lost. The feeling of constantly being ‘in love’ fades. <p>Enter the OP. He’s feeling all the same things. He’s looking for a little romance and attraction. I used to think it was pain finding pain and that’s what made us click so well. I justified that the attraction was so great that it couldn’t be helped. Did that make him my soul-mate? I think not. <p>I think it may have been attraction, it may even have been an addiction. I definitely think it was a friendship that got way out of hand. People come into our lives for many different reasons, usually to fill on need or another. Sometimes friends stay for awhile, other times when the need has been filled the friendship fades. How many times have you met somebody (maybe even of the same sex) that you think wow that person is really neat, I would like to get to know him/her better? We don’t automatically call them our soul-mate do we? Why do we then do so when they are a member of the opposite sex and attraction is involved? I just don’t buy that whole soul-mate theory as a justification for forgetting vows that were made to someone else. <p>To me a soul-mate is somebody you grow old with. It’s somebody that do all that hard stuff with. You raise your children, go through good times and bad times. You stick through it and don’t go running off to find someone new at the first sign of trouble. It’s only toward the end of your life that you can look back at it at all you’ve accomplished and say, “yes I was married to my soul-mate, I made the best possible match for me and had a good life.” For in my opinion it’s only the merging of years, time, and effort that two people become soul-mates.

In a word: No.<p>I thought my H was my counterpart, the male version of me, that we fit like a hand in a glove, that God chose us for each other, that he was the part of me I didn't know I was missing, that he "completed me" (to borrow from Jerry Maguire)--my soulmate.<p>I cannot convey how convinced of this I was and how differently I felt going into this marriage than going into my last one--the whole process. I really thought it was all divinely ordained. Plus everyone I knew was all for it, thought we were perfect for each other, all my family, friends, unlike my previous marriage, where everyone was trying to talk me out of it. And HIS family and friends were totally supportive as well.<p>Obviously I was completely wrong. I am married to a stranger. I feel deceived. My faith in everything, including God, is shaken. I thought I had figured out the mistakes I made last time and had corrected them. Now I have no idea how I would ever know if marrying a certain person would be the right choice or not.<p>My conclusion: Life is nothing but a crap shoot. Some are lucky. Most are not.

I thought my H and I were soulmates, we seemed to click, we seemed so right together. How wrong I was, I think I deluded myself with this fantasy stuff, with thinking that two people could be destined for each other and be together for their life. <p>I used to believe in soulmates, now I don't anymore. Maybe its just hurt, anger, I don't know, but I doubt I will ever have that feeling about anyone ever again. The only person I believe in now is me.

The word "soulmate" makes me want to puke in a bag and throw it against the computer.<p>YICK!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>True soulmates are not predestined...they are those who's souls have grown, intertwined, together over time. <hr></blockquote><p>I don't think I've ever believed in soulmates, but I absolutely love Kathie's definition and I think that perhaps my WH and I are now "soulmates". I hope we remain that way for the rest of our lives. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

No, I don't believe in soulmates, per se, as I am on my THIRD OR FOURTH "soulmate." I mostly agree with Lor and Kam.

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>