I just found out tonight my H. never really ended his affair. He's been gone all week, working late! HA! and I got suspicious after he came home and crashed, so I looked in his trunk and found so much evidence. I don't know when I should confront him and I also want to tell her H. first because he knows nothing about the A at all. I am not as upset as I thought I would be, I'm shaky but not falling apart like the first time. I think I suspected something all along, but he is such a good liar. It just makes me sick, also my MIL has met her, likes her and the WH**E has sent her presents and they get along just fine. She'll never set foot in my house again! I really need some support. I don't believe this is happening now, he's been acting so good lately. But he spent the last 4 days with her as much as possible, working my ***! Also she lives in boston, we are in Mi and she's flown here 2 or 3 times since the A ended. I can't put up with this anymore, I've been changing and I thought he was too, but apparently it's all been a lie! I could just do something violent, but I won't, he's not worth it at all. He just ruined everything for himself, our daughter hates him and he won't be involved with his new granddaughter at all now. I hope he knows that it has to end with us now, I'll never trust him at all.

Dear day,<p>I am sorry for the renewed contact and pain. Allow yourself some cooling time. You can do this by 'vigorously' writing what you have found. Then read your words and make sure you are not jumping to conclusions. If you feel you can't speak to him without wanting to rip his head off, then send him a letter or e-mail with your more composed approach. <p>Or you can do like I did and ask him to leave without giving a reason. Pardon me but I have gone through this a few times and now I don't give reasons just show him the door. After a couple of those times, my H is behaving much better. As long as the WS thought I was too afraid to lose himm, he kept bullying me. He knew it. But now that he knows I am not afraid of the unknown, he thinks twice before he messes up. <p>How much of MB stuff are you familar with?<p>L.

OK, let's think. <p>
What does your heart tell you is the right thing to do with the stuff in the trunk?<p>What happens if you make a scene about it? Major LB!<p>What did you find?

<p>[ April 19, 2002: Message edited by: cinderella ]</p>

I found pics and homemade stuff that her kids made. She has four-6-16 yrs of age. Letters and cards and notes, airline confirmations of when she was here, credit card he got for himself and bill with hotel room and hot tub on it. Hacked into one of his e-mails in yahoo with all kinds of sexual stuff in it, no wonder he still has a problem with me-he wants her! She's still trying to get a job here and he's helping her, trying to find a good school for her 7th grader who has ADD and is bipolar, but yet our kids do nothing right for him! It's very clear what he has been doing and that it never ended and the fact he could lie so well when I'm crying and baring my soul to him about how I feel and he's comforting me I can't handle it. I'm not going to do any thing crazy, I want to remain cool as I can, so I can have respect for myself. Ihave nothing left inside me for him>

He also has a po box and has been sending and receiving stuff from her. I have some cd's with pic's on them but haven't accessed those.

The non-MB side of me wonders if you have a scanner.

Yes we do have a scanner, but I don't really know how to use it. My son does tho and maybe my daughter. I also have her phone number and also her work e-mail and her husbands e-mail. Do all WS think their spouse are stupid? I've been as trusting as I am ever going to be>

I sure am sorry for the pain and obvious hurt. I am reminded of something I read here on the site the other day, about how Dr. Harley supposedly assumes that most marriages involving and A will have to go to Plan B before there is any resolution. This supports what Orchid told you about how she doesn't let her husband bully her anymore because she has shown him she is not afraid of the unknown (i.e. life without him). While I applaud that kind of courage, I know I am not there yet. However, I can see the sense of Plan B and wonder how you feel about that? Anyways, I am up, sleepless again, and want you to know I am sorry for the grief you must feel.

Cin, Are you still out there? I know it's late, I'm going to have to get to bed in a bit-not that I'll sleep any.. Thanks for your replies and also to Orchid, Im glad there's a few night owls around.

Thanks, asgoodasitgets, The 2nd d-day I kicked him out and when he came back he was supposed to have ended it and he made it very convincing that it had. but he was back with her a wk or less after that and even during x-mas, sending cards and gifts etc. Plan B is the only thing I can do because I cannot live with a liar and be nice to him. He has betrayed me too much and this is not the first time in our marriage either so it's even harder this time.
I have no respect left for him at all.

Dear Day,<p>I am sorry about all the betrayal. I know it is the worst feeling of all, especially when you have been honest with him. I am at a loss here, because I haven't had the courage to Plan B yet myself, but it sounds like you have made some initial attempts. What seems to be next would be some kind of period of time where there is no contact at all between you, so he can get the idea that you really will end things with him. I think 2 weeks or so are recommended. No phone calls, all that. Then, when he meets the conditions (end the affair, establish a way for you to check up on him if necessary and so on) you give yourselves a trial period together to see if you can move forward together as a couple. Does this sound about right? Have you done this? Sorry I can't help more, but I do empathize with you.<p>Good luck.

I can't really offer any advice as you can see by my recent post but definitely don't get violent. It took my WS 3 yrs and he gave me almost 2 broken ribs when I went off and did get violent. He is a cop and denied touching me so I went to jail for a night. They have dropped the charge because of my xrays and bruises. Just keep your chin up, keep going, I am going to show them that I am a better person because I really am. <p>I realize that he is scared of me because of how smart I was, how much I found out and could track down, how many times my instincts were right. and he tried to convince me that I was wrong unless I had it in black and white. He always said "are you going to believe me or your lying eyes".<p>Don't let yourself be discounted.

Thanks again for all the replies. It helps to know i'm not alone, but who wants to be in this boat together?? Definately not any of us. I am ok, Lila, I wouldn't do anything violent, i'm not like that really. I could maybe hit him but he's so damn bony i'd hurt myself! Any way we talked from about 4am until 8am and are going to talk again tonight. The funny? thing I found out was she was LB'ing all over the place this wk when he saw her and he's noticed that I have changed, so I guess I've been plan A'ing all along and didn't realize it. But I still don't know what I want to do or should do, he admitted he was a coward and a liar, he just wanted the A to end without me ever finding out about it, but I don't think she will leave him alone. He said she may be the stalker type of person, Hurray! so even if he ends it who knows. I'm just kinda numb right now, haven't really broken down yet. I'm afraid if I do i'll go crazy. Not really, I am a strong person and know with or without him I will be fine.Why does love have to hurt so damn bad? Again thanks for all your replies, Laura