Could it be that the fog is lifting. I am in such new territory that my somewhat tainted instinct is telling me it is all a ploy. My WS told me on Monday that she was contacting a lawyer and was filing for separation. On Thursday she tells me that she is ready to commit to our marriage. You can see my skepticism. But then I think in the perfect scenario isn't this what would be happening? I am confused, not only of what is happening but what to do next. I have been a frequent poster here and have been counseled not only here, but with Jennifer C, and with a MC that my insurance covers. After 4 months, some late developments (lies that I never confronted her on) and finally an impending separation I was making the necessary arrangements to plan B. Lawyers, living arrangements, logistics, custody is all I have been concentrating on, then this happens. I am in the process of taking a step back and trying to assess my situation. <p>She knows about MB and has even snuck some peaks at my copy of His Needs Her Needs that I left laying around. So she knows some about plan A, plan B etc. But she does not know anything about the rules of protection. I have read "Surviving an Affair" and she has not. I told her that if she was serious about committing to our marriage she should read the book. "Good move"? I don't want to overwhelm her and I know it is going to take some time for her to forget him. The OM works for the same company but is not in the same building. They are separated by about 20 miles but they both have company cellular phones and are never more than a push button away. Add e-mail, desk phones, and inter org mail and the opportunity is definitely there. She is going to read that she should quit her job. That will be interesting.<p>So here I am sitting on the fence. Does she really mean what she says? If she does then should I strike while the iron is hot? "You absolutely have to quit your job!" or should I give her time and hope she continues to keep coming out of the fog until she realizes that quitting her job is the only way. I know she is going to be depressed about giving him up, I am sure he is a little upset about losing what he had also. Knowing what I do about being depressed I don't think they could resist, its too easy. <p>I have a session with Jennifer C scheduled to help me with plan B on Monday. Guess I will have to change tacts a little bit. I will be curious to see what she thinks. Until I have it straight, I am continuing on with plan A without making any demands on her. <p>After reading this myself I realize that I did not put a positive enough spin on it. This has been the first sign of progress and for the first time I am hopeful that we can actually make this work. What can I say I still love her. I am curious to know what you think

as has so often been said here; treat the words of a WS with caution, "listen" to the actions instead. Those will be more true.

My opinion - tell her how you feel. Let her know that you appreciate her coming to you with this. Also let her know about your caution. This way when she reads it in your actions she'll understand. Let her know that you are skeptical, but that you love her very much and look forward to working "together" on the marriage. You are glad she has chosen to work with you on this and that you understand that as it will be hard on you it will be hard on her too. <p>In any event, it's great to see some progress. You keep up with your plan A, and good luck. I wish you the best.

I like the replies, proceed with caution. Cautious optimism, but let her know that I am doing it so she does not read anything into it. OK keep you posted. 9 months into recovery tutter13, very nice. Well I guess it all has to start with the 1st day. Maybe this is mine. Thanks for the advice

Thanks. I hope it's your begining too. My best to you.