Well have just had a conversation with the "friends" H & he gave me someinteresting information & I need to know how 2 broach this subject before I let rip & say the wrong thing!!!
He apparently downloaded a keystroke program & read emails that each one were sending to the other@### He wouldn't tell me exactly what was in them said it was just about the 2 of them & he followed the conversations for a while & then it all got too much 4 him & he disconected it.. Please tell me what do i do without getting the H in the s**t I can't do nothing my husband vows & declares it was just a friendship he is lying thru his teeth, why didn't i do this myself I feel so stupid very angry & bloody mad please help!

U R saying that the OW's H contacted U about e-mails between the WS and OP? <p>L.

In a nutshell YES!! he called round today & said he did something very underhand a while ago (must b about a yr ago now & I do wish he had shared this with me)<p>He put a computer thing that tracks every keystrok on the computer (wish i had thought of it) & that the emails he was reading from them to each other didn't exactly point to a physical affair, he wouldn't tell me what was in them tho it was stuff about them) he decided that if she was so unhappy he would let her go, I am sooooo pissed off that he wouldn't tell me exactly what was said but he did say he just couldnt read it any more & disconected it.<p>Unfortunatley today has got the better of me & i had to say something 2 H i asked him to tell me the truth about their feelings for one another & he just looked me in the face & said there weren't any & stupid me said well u should b carefull what u write to her he said well wheres ya evidence well i of course said i had some but didn't have it physically!!<p>Anyway I then said I hope you will be happy in your life he said what would you care I was happy for the last 2 days when you were away so i guess i just have to accept his decision & move on with my life I did tell him that i wish we had councelling 11yrs ago when the first affair happened he said but you wouldn't I said i didn't remember that (& I didnt) but i said i know i have done things wrong & if i had only been given the chance i would have done things differently his reply to this was "but you never do anything wrong you always have to be right" So i am now stuck he will b moving out of here as soon as he can & I guess it's for the best now.

BUMPING MYSELF UP!

He sounds like a wounded and cornered animal that can not be reason with at the moment. <p>My H was the same way. Had to just leave him be for a while (for me that was about 3 months). We did talk in the interim but I had to realize I needed to let him go figure out his life himself. What I did tell him was whatever he did figure out, that after that it would be up to others (including myself) to decide whether he was worth having back or not. That blew a hole in his theory that I would take him back unconditionally. <p>I told him I loved him enough to let him go and let him fall if he was too stubborn to know better. He said he probably was too dumb to stop himself. So with all that out in the clear, I let him go. <p>Let's see that eventually meant he went to jail for 2 days and then to OWs house for about 10 days (he says less but he did LIVE with her). Then his things were in the garage for about 3 months, then they slowly started coming in. Some stuff are still out there. <p>In the meantime, I have been working on me. I have had some depressive bouts since then and find that my tolerance level is quite low. It is easy for me to send him packing and so he has been challenged with regaining my trust. See I am learning to not make it easier for him to come back but to make his changes for his good as well as ours. I have already laid the ground work for a better marriage and family. He has already said that my changes (minor that they were), were proof that I have my family's interest as a priority. Now he is challenged to do the same otherwise, he is not a contributing and valuable family member. <p>At least that is the way I put it to him. I don't want to be a doormat and treated disrespectfully. <p>The hard part is the unknown of letting go. That is why it is so important to strengthen yourself so that if you should need to say it, you can mean it. In other words, say it with confidence. <p>For some screwy reason, the WS believes they can come and go with no retribution. Sometimes, plan A helps booster that foggy logic. Plan B however, dispels that notation and makes the Ws really wonder about what the BS is up to. That is an important step. <p>JMHO,
L.

Hey thanx orchid!
I finally decided last nite & told him i was letting him go.
I have come to the conclusion that I don't need him the way he is at present & that if that means a permenant seperation ending in divorce then so be it. At the moment he hates me I know so am just going to bide my time till i can get out of here in 4 weeks he will be gone b4 that i feel as he has a house to rent locally.
My main worry is that i have told him what this OW H told me about tracking their emails & I know he will tell her (unfortunatly I hit the bottle after hearing that news it was like someone sticking a knife in me!! & I blurted it out so what can i do oh well the damage is done now i guess me & my big mouth I was just so pissed of about it & that he never shared it with me & it would have been at least 1 yr ago

HI there I have decided that i need to let my H know of my intention to let him go by way of a letter.<p>I was also going to include my wedding ring in with it something along the lines of this what are your thoughts??<p>Dear H
I have decided that the time has now come to let you go.
We no longer have a relationship together & the person you are at the moment is not the guy I have been married to, I do have a little bit of love left for you but I realise that it is now fading fast for me & I am not in any way attracted to this person you currently are.<p>Be by yourself & enjoy your life & if you fall down along the way you only have yourself to blame I will not be responsible for that any longer.<p>I am enclosing my wedding ring it once meant such a lot to me but I can no longer keep it.
Take care & b happy
W
Any helpful comments you have would b most helpful

Do of search of this site for the "Plan B" article. I think there is a sample Plan B letter there, and if not I know that many others here have posted theirs.<p>If you have any hope of reconciliation, don't send him your wedding ring. It'll only make him madder right now (not that he doesn't deserve it, but it really won't help your situation much.)<p>Besides, if it comes down to it, you can always sell the ring if you've still got it. Why give it to him? I'm not making light of your situation; it's just that, unfortunately, it's one of those awful things you do have to think about.<p>good luck
Psycho_B***h