I understand your anger, and believe the letter is potentially driven out of the anger. If you did have a good marriage up to a certain point, I would ask you to reconsider how much anger you direct to him in the letter. I believe you know internally what the chances are of getting back together, being able to forgive, and learn to trust again. As well as if he is the type of person that will take responsibility for his actions, and seek the help he will need to understand what part of him could let him become so self centered, and what he needs to change about himself to ensure this never happens again. Some advice I was given in dealing with my wife through our separation is to ensure I am honest to her about my emotions, but to ensure I always try to leave things in a place that I will never regret my actions or words. Never let your spouse be able to look at you and say the way you dealt with them after the the affair was recognized only justified the reason they had a affair. It forces you to have to vent that anger a different way, but gives you the ability to look back and feel good about the way you handled things. As a man I don't think giving him the ring back will make the point you want to make, it might make him mad, but since he is with another woman at present he may look at it as a opportunity to take. If he takes this opportunity and turns around and sells the ring or something like that, it will only be you that is hurt. He is presently gone of his own choice, and is doing what he wants, as painful as that is to take. I know I had to face that with my wife. Put the ring in a place where you don't have to look at it. If you have any contact he will notice if you are or are not wearing the ring, and that makes a statement itself. You are a victim through this, don't do anything that can let him feel as if he was justified in his actions. He was self centered and will feel his guilt sooner or latter.
