Hey TooMuchCoffeeMan,<p>Sorry it took so long to reply. I don't get online much on weekends... too busy catching up on lost time with my sweetheart. xW said something to me last night that really felt good. She said "I hate going to sleep, even though we spend all of our free time together, it's never enough. When we go to sleep it seems like we lose together time." I feel the same way, I think that's the reason we tend to stay up late every night playing games, we just enjoy each other's company that much. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by TooMuchCoffeeMan:
<strong>your story is one of the most succesful ones that I've read to date.<p>I congratulate you and wish you continued succes and happiness.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes I'm afraid to post anything, because I don't want to jinx us, but it's been about 4 months now so I do feel pretty comfortable now.<p>I would not recommend the steps I took to anybody, but everything's fallen into place and we are both very happy and hopeful.
Once the D was final I really gave up, I tried to move on. I couldn't help it that I still loved her deeply. I'm glad I gave her another chance, it's been worth it.<p>As far as using the plans and the Love Must Be Tough approach...<p>I failed miserably using Plan A and B. If I get the chance to do it all over again(and I hope I don't), I'd do it completely different. I'm sure I will be criticized for the way I did things, but really... I was doing good just to wake up every morning, get the kids off to school and make it to work myself. I kept them happy and healthy and that's all the really mattered the most to me.<p>By the time I found this site we had already seperated and it was too late for an effective Plan A. I tried but she was really using it to take advantage of me and using the kids against me. Once things got bad, she was looking out for only herself and I had to go into self-defense mode and protect myself and my kids. It did succeed in 2 ways though. I learned a lot about meeting needs, about improving our relationship through my actions. And I did a lot of self-improvement... I still am improving. We're both on a Plan A for life now.<p>Plan B couldn't work, our arrangements for the kids made it impossible. I had to see her at least once a day, sometimes twice. I dropped the kids off to school, she picked them up and kept them until I got off work. I'd do well for a few weeks then give in to her and start meeting needs.<p>It was a mess, we were going in circles. Things would be fine for a few weeks then she'd start lying again and I simply could not handle the roller-coaster anymore.<p>I haven't read anything on Tough Love except what I've read here on the message boards.<p>Through it all, I totally believed that once she lost me completely she would want me back. My heart would not let go, even after the D. But I could not let her know that I would take her back and when she came knocking I did not seem too interested. I left the door open, but that's about it. I did give her a big taste of her own medicine. It wasn't to teach her a lesson or for revenge, it just happened that way. It was tough on her, but I feel like it had to happen. We both help each other with getting over those past issues. We've become each other's support. <p>I believe in the MB concepts. I use them today and will continue to learn about them and use them. We are both taking the steps to grow and affair-proof our relationship. In the very beginning I didn't think we could recover from the A. Then I saw others do it on this site. I heard that the relationship could be better than before and I almost laughed. I can honestly say I think our relationship is on the road to being better than ever. Of course I still have pain, and we're working on that and I think we're doing a great job, it's been easier than I ever thought possible. <p>There are many aspects of our relationship that are improved. We communicate better, neither one of us is scared to talk about problems, past issues or fears. We go out of our way to meet needs. Our sex life is better(it was always great but now.. WOW! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) We are better parents, better people. We have a better chance of being happy together forever now than before.<p>We still have a lot of work to do, I know we're going against the odds, but I have every reason to be optimistic about our chances.<p>We are both very much in love and very happy... we tell each other that every day.<p>Well I'm at work today so I'm sorry if this is thrown together and doesn't make much sense. Like I said, I would NOT recommend anything I did to anybody else, but it worked for us. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>TTFN - JB
