Last Thursday W and I had another long talk and she said something that really got me thinking about who I have become. She told me that OM has told her that he 'needs' her and that he cant live without her. This seems strange to me because if he really 'needs' her, why wont he leave his W for WS? Why was he living on both sides of the fence for the last 9 mos? I didn't want to analyze it too much, I think the reason is that the clown doesn't have the cajoles to either leave his W and commit to WS, or break it off completely with WS. By my standards, a man without cajoles is just, well, not really much of a man.<p>Anyway, it got me thinking about where I am today and who I have become. The 'need' thing really struck me because 'needing' someone to feel fulfilled, to make you whole, to give purpose in life , to me, just isn't healthy. Yes, I want WS, I want to spend my life with her, I want to be close to her and know her as only a intimate lover can, but I don't 'need' her. I don't need her to make my life complete, or to give me purpose or any of the other stuff. All of that comes from within me, it comes from God and there is not a single person on this earth that can do that for me.<p>In the dark days following DDay, I was very needy, I felt like I needed W to make me whole, and I acted accordingly. But now, if things don't work out, that's ok because I don't need her. I am ok now, my life really isn't so bad after all. I have a really nice apt that I got for cheap, it has a pool, hot tub, weight room, and has really nice people living in it. I'm working out and getting in shape. My job is going well, I got a promotion, more responsibility and am being recognized for my efforts. I am finally done with my MBA. My kids do love me and respect me, even after all that has happened. I am getting very close to my family again. Yes, I am doing very well, even if W isn't a part of the picture.<p>There is a strength in not being needy and I think it comes from the ability to stand on your own two feet, look the world head on and say 'I love myself first and foremost, I am a whole person from the inside out, I don't 'need' anyone or anything to make me feel complete" I think people recognize that strength and are attracted to it in many different ways. W has told me before that she wished she could be as strong as I have been through all this. We all can, we just need to realize that there is a huge difference between needing and wanting and which one is the healthier way to live and have a great relationship.<p>Just my Sunday sermon. Tomorrow starts a whole new week, lets make the most of it!
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Amen, loveherstill,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Anyway, it got me thinking about where I am today and who I have become. The 'need' thing really struck me because 'needing' someone to feel fulfilled, to make you whole, to give purpose in life , to me, just isn't healthy. Yes, I want WS, I want to spend my life with her, I want to be close to her and know her as only a intimate lover can, but I don't 'need' her. I don't need her to make my life complete, or to give me purpose or any of the other stuff. All of that comes from within me, it comes from God and there is not a single person on this earth that can do that for me.<p> <hr></blockquote><p>Ultimately, the only ones you have and the ones you can count on are yourself and God. If I had to pick one partner in life, He'd be it. I'm not sure that He gets such a good deal! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Estes

Thanks so much for your Sunday sermon!! I really needed that today. I have really been going through the "I Want to be Wanted" lately. I want someone to want to be with me just for who I am. But, I do know (deep down within) that I will be ok. I do not "NEED" anyone to make me happy because no person could do that all of the time any way. So, just as you said, I want to be with my H and I want him to want to be with me, but,I will be ok if that never happens.
Thanks!

Fabulous!!! The same worked for me, only on the other side of the fence. Once H and I seperated and I quit "needing" him, I started relying on myself more. That, in turn, led to my not "needing" the OM. He, on the other hand, became extremely needy...which certainly put a crimp in my newfound feeling of "freedom". That pushed us further apart. Then, one day, I realized that although I didn't really "need" my husband, I still very much loved him and wanted to be his wife. I was extrememly lucky to get that chance...because he certainly came to the point where he didn't need me either. I think we're all the healthier for it! And you will be too...with or without your wife by your side. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I must say----that was a very good "sermon". I can relate to what you have said most of the time but there are those days when I cannot get away from the "I need you" syndrome. I am progressing but those days when I feel alone, disconnected, displaced, trying to make a life for myself after 33 yrs as a married women and not being needed by anyone, I do feel like I need my H. The other days I can say are full of enjoyable things, caring friends, constructive activities and some good clean fun. My life is easier than it has ever been but I guess that is one of the joys of being single. <p>Your Plan B was only a week---what made you decide to continue some contact? <p>TW

I really have found out this week how much I can do for myself and that I don't need WH either. I may still want him in my life, but I definately have found out that I do not need him. <p>Yesterday a friend and I reset the remotes to my garage door openers since WH still has a remote to each opener. We also put up a keypad entrance to the garage door and we picked up new locks and deadbolts to put in this week. It has been four weeks and one day since I had contact with WH and I since he has thus far chossen not to be part of my life or our marriage I don't think he should have free access to our house. I never would have thought that I could install anything, but the remotes and the keypad worked the first time. <p>It rained very hard last night and there was water in my basement this morning when I left for church. Before Plan B I would have turned to WH for help with this, but since I am in Plan B and becoming more independent by the hour I took care of it myself and called someone to come and work on the main drain from the house (it appears to be clogged up with tree roots and other lovely things that cause havic to my drians). I may not be able to get the water out alone, but I sure can write the check to pay for it. <p>I used to think that I needed WH to take care of these things for me, but now I see that I don't need him.