Any insight would be apprecitated...........<p>BACKGROUND -
WH lives out of state & only home a few days/month.<p>Oldest S. went to college in area (where WH is) for 1 semester during A #1 (I didn't know it at the time)& he knows OW #1 and her kids (OW is old HS "friend" of WH and a widow)<p>Whenever oldest son visits area (we have lots of reletives there), he goes to see OW #1 & her kids
(OF COURSE BEFORE I KNEW)<p>SITUATION:<p>Oldest S is going to visit area (1st time since Dday. BUT HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT HER)<p>Last IC session with Steve Harley, we talked about WH & I telling kids together that "Dad made some "POOR CHOICES" and that we want to work this out, that we want to recover & that we will do what it takes to recover" Then so say that DAd had an "INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP" with OW#1 and OW#2."<p>WH didn't come home as planned, has been working 18+ hours / Day (He really is) so, WE didn't get to tell him. (WH didn't know we were going to have this conversation)<p>WHAT I DID:<p>Tell Oldest S that Dad made some poor choices and that we wanted to work this our...recover...etc.
I said that Dad would need to fill him in further.<p>Oldest Son replied - Dad & I stay out of each others business. (only he doesn't know Dad's business does affect him)<p>Oldest Son told me in Feb not to stay M for him or the kids. That they will be ok without Dad.
Next time Oldest S home he said, I don't even think about my Dad, he's just someone who pays the bills and that is it. He's not a part of my life. We are in business together, and I am his son and he doesn't even call me!!!!!!<p>THE PROBLEM:<p>Oldest S went left (my home) to go back to school & will leave from there on Fri. to go to where WH is. <p>If his Dad doesn't tell him, I plan on it. When I talked about this with Steve Harley, it was thought that WH & I would both be able to tell him together. Now that won't work. Oldest son would be very upset if he wasn't told & he hung out with OW#1 & her kids & didn't know. He might not ever forgive his Dad. <p>
Oldest son really likes OW#1 - says she is great. Looking back, S talked about her all the time when he was up there at college. (OUCH)<p>Wh still doesn't know what is going on - he's totally exhausted & not even thinking straight.<p>MY THOUGHTS<p>What if WH doesn't want to tell him? or for me to not to tell him? <p>Any other thoughts or words of wisdom!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Yes! We will get through this roller coaster ride. I personally do not like all of the bumps.<p>
Be it star light of the guiding light from god, along with plan A our family's will be stronger. IMHO - Presently trying to stay positive.<p>We started counseling when D first went to college. Told her in a rather curt way about the OW. She almost dropped out of school, very, very hurt. Tried different coping mechinisms, didn't come back home.n She did her own asking I thought it was someone she truely respected. (It wasn't, although EA) D has not talked to her yet!<p>D saw a college counselor, said to quite letting WH hurting her because she saw through his lies.<p>At Xmas she read SAA & it seems went into a plan B her self with her father. She still loves him, but not the fence sitting or the lies & shallowness of his affection toward his kids.<p>I wish I had your advice, it sound like what you said was right on track. Your adult sons see how you WH treats you & when they see the loving actions coming back into their lives then the recovery I hope will begain.<p>I believe your son will start noticing the behaviors of others & will be putting two & two together. You only have to repsect your sons feeling about interactions with OW, but you don't have to lie if he asks why you are not participating in a conversion about her. <p>New at responding, but I my D held her father so high with esteem, it was a below the belt shot to her. D tells WH to quite talking, & show be a father to her younger brother.<p>I now hurt more for them, than the roller coaster with my WH. I am praying for them constantly. <p>My D calls her father a clapper dad, just around for the rewards. LOL

Vega,<p>thanks for your response. S already told me he knows what is going on. When I asked him what, he said " Dad is doing something you don't like" I agreed.<p>Right now, I believe that he does not know it is a particular person. I feel he should be told, and would have been better if both of us could have told him, but that is not to happen.<p>I Will have to tell him via phone ( I wanted to do it in person) if his Dad doesn't do it.<p>S would be very upset if he was NOT told. I don't believe that S would go see OW 1 & kids if he knew. If he saw them without knowing, and was all friendly or if they told him, that would be terrible for S. He doesn't deserve that. <p>I think S would have more respect for his Dad if he admitted A's to S. <p>
Clapper Dad huh [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You are so right, the roller coaster ride is no fun. I like what Cali posted that she wished she had the growth and the knowledge, but not a memory of why. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

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