Hello all,<p>Like most of you my life has been a emotional roller coaster. My WW is moving out of our home today. She's getting an apartment I know she can't afford on her own. So I can only guess that OM is going to either move in with her or at least help her with the bills. <p>Which brings me to my question what did your WS take with them when they left? My WW has been packing for this move for a week now. She has her clothes ready. She's having someone come by and pickup the washer and dryer today. She's taking a tv and vcr. But she's not taking any furniture. Not a bed, not a couch, not a chair.<p>Don't get me wrong I'm not upset or anything. Obviously I don't want her to leave. I've done my best at Plan A, but it's really hard when my WW is still having her EA (PA?) I know I need to wait for the A to die a natural death. <p>I'm just curious, and probably not thinking straight.<p>Feeling Lost

I'm sorry for the pain you are going through right now [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I was the WS...I would have NEVER moved right in with the OM. I actually looked forward to my OWN SPACE. Occasionally still miss it [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I didn't take much either. An old table, bought my own chair, a super old couch, a free bed with an old cruddy mattress. Left my H with all the good stuff. Took all my kitchen stuff, I guess...I'm pretty terratorial about that. MY kitchen MINE MINE MINE. Took the VCR, bought my own TV. Took the office...the computer, desk and chair were all mine (bought and paid for by my business)...but I also built him a computer and he had a desk. My H didn't go without anything...he had everything except a VCR, and friends loaned him one. I even shopped for spices and stuff for him to have in the kitchen. Made sure he had pots and pans etc. Bought my own microwave.<p>My H actually accused me of stashing money or someone else helping me with my bills. No one ever did, I did it all on my own. I have no idea if that's the case for you, but it was for me. I did charge a lot of stuff though, and am still digging myself out of that rut. Guess my hubby probly understands better how I did it now that he can see my credit card debt!! eeeeyikes [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi FeelingLost,<p>I am so sorry you find yourself here. Keep steady in your Plan A until you feel yourself starting to lose all love for your W, then migrate to Plan B.<p>When my H left me he took his personal belongings and stated he was going to only take what was his. Then later he stated he was only going to take what he "USED". I said that what he "USED" and what was "HIS" were not one in the same. <p>Anyway, he took very little. Once the D was finalized, per the D papers, he requested very little ... no furniture, no household items .... only the remainder of his personal things. My H didn't even go after the house, my 401K, my stock or my retirement.<p>My attorney told me my H was feeling massively guilty. And I have to agree, if you read my sig line I think you can understand why. <p>My advice to you is to log in writing everything your W is taking that is of value. Just in case.<p>Take care of yourself, and God Bless.<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ April 24, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

H4F and Resilient,<p>Thanks for your replies. I've been a member of this Board for about a month now, and have read many of your comments. I don't post much because I usually find someone else who has posted "my own thoughts" <p>H4F my WW says she needs to be alone, and that she wants her own space. Problem is I know she can't afford the aparment she is getting. On top of that she is planning to give ME money to help with our debt. (I did tell her not to worry about it, even though I can't afford it on my own either.) So she must be getting a roomate. Of course my mind jumps right away to OM. Maybe I'm wrong. <p>Resilient: I hadn't thought of keeping track of what she takes. I suppose that is a good idea should worse come to worse. I'm a pesimist <sp?> by nature, but right now I'm thinking positive.<p>All I can do is Plan A away. As for me losing love for my WW I don't see that day coming any time soon. All I need to do is look at any one of the pictures of her and me and remember the love and happiness we felt then. After that I have Faith that it will work out in the end.<p>Thanks,<p>Feeling Lost

When my ex moved out..(I was the WS) he took everything he always took for his trips out of town and since he worked away twelve months a year and was only home 1 weekend a month..he had basically an entire household full of furniture..
and I had another one..so I kept one household full he took the other..<p>He left me w/ all his crap that he'd bring home from these different jobs..he has light fixtures, nails, boxes of screws, books from conferences lots and lots of junk..I've slowly been going through it all and disgarding what I don't forsee needing..and that I know I can't sell..

My H moved out after 10 days after d-day because he refused to end his A and was staying out all night with OW and I couldnt live with that around me and the kids. So I asked him to 'move out to think.' ( I didn't want a divorce) So he immediately threw some clothes in a laundry basket and moved into OW's condo- but claimed he was 'staying with various friends." He was out of the house 5 wks. He then claimed I THREW him out! LOL but it was a result of his choosing to continue the A right in front of me!I found out he had come by our house one day without telling me and took all the tax return info I had prepared and took it to a lawyer on his lunch break to fill out the financial part of filing for D on me. That really steamed my clams!!! He suddenly wanted to move back in though when his lawyer told him his living away from our house could affect his getting custody of our 3 kids so then he said he wanted to reconcile and moved back in but slept on the couch for 2 months secretly contacting OW still! Be careful if your WS wants to move back in! I would recommend you insist they go to MC with you first and see what their true intentions are!!! Once my H was on the couch it was even worse for awhile than when he had been living at OWs place for me from an emotional pain point of view!

Thanks for your replies ThornedRose and lifeismessy.
My WW did move out last night. I didn't realize how painful it would be. When I started this thread I thought I had prepared myself for her leaving. Boy was I wrong. <p>I managed to keep most of the pain off my face while she was packing up her stuff. I even helped her take some things out to the car. (I had offered to help her move before, but she politely refused)I gave her the gift I bought her for her birthday. (it's in 2 weeks) I got her a few movies that she loves. (to give her something to do at her apartment) She gave me a hug and thanked me for "putting up with her being crazy" Then she was gone. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I barely got the door closed before I broke down.
I hardly slept at all last night. I kept waking up. This morning was no better. I went to the closet and found it almost empty. I broke down again for a little while. <p>Even when I moved out a few weeks ago (at her request, but I moved back home after a week) I didn't feel this bad. At least then I know where she was and that she was ok. It was the same while I was at home. Eventhough I slept in a different room and she came and went as she pleased, at least I knew that eventually she would come home. <p>Now I don't know where she is, and it's killing me. I know I need to be strong. I know that this could last for a long time if not forever [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thank you for letting me vent here. It feels good to be able to share this with someone. <p>FL

<<Which brings me to my question what did your WS take with them when they left? My WW has been packing for this move for a week now. She has her clothes ready. She's having someone come by and pickup the washer and dryer today. She's taking a tv and vcr. But she's not taking any furniture. Not a bed, not a couch, not a chair.>><p>Well, my wife took her clothes, her bathroom items, and a few things from the kitchen that I won't/don't need. The apt. she rented is furnished, so she didn't need anything like that.
The sticky part was about our daughter's things. My wife rented a 2 bdrm apt., and she wanted to have toys etc... for our daughter over there. I told wife that our daughter's room her at my house would remain intact as it is, but that I would allow some clothes and a FEW toys to be taken to the new apt.
I still consider my house to be my daughter's HOME.
Like you, I helped my wife load her car, and had a difficult time for a few days after she left. I kept busy by rearranging my bedroom, cleaning, having the locks changed, and setting up the house the way I want it to be. It was a positive, self-healing task that helped my cope somewhat with my wife's departure. (although I do miss her terribly).

Your kindness and offer to help will not go unnoticed. All you can do it take care of yourself and try to be positive. I think the move out is a very difficult step. The move back in is much more fun [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Let's hope for that day to be soon.

<<Your kindness and offer to help will not go unnoticed. All you can do it take care of yourself and try to be positive. I think the move out is a very difficult step. The move back in is much more fun Let's hope for that day to be soon. >>><p>Maybe not.
On monday, I was to meet my wife at TOYS R US to pick up our daughter while my wife had an appt.<p>I was on my way when my W called and said her car wouldn't start.....so I went over and picked her up, and later gave her a jumpstart.
Doing these things for my W may be remebered by her, but will have little impact on whether or not she continues A with OM (IMHO).

maximus and H4F thanks for your replies. I know it's late (or early depending on how you look at things.), but I just got in from work. I "lucked" out and pulled a 16 hour day. I say "lucked" out because it helped me keep my mind off the fact that my WW moved out. <p>maximus I sorry to hear that your W recently moved out 2. I too miss my wife terribly. We don't have any children, but we do have 2 cats and a dog. (not the same I know, but we love them very much.) <p>I have a question for you. You mentioned that you changed the locks on your house. That thought hadn't even crossed my mind. Is it something I should consider? This is her home 2, eventhough she choose to move out of it. <p>I don't know I'm so confused right now. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>H4F. Thanks for your support. I'm glad to hear the opinion of a WS. (I'm also a WS BTW. I had a brief EA while my wife was having her EA/?PA. My D-Day was the same as hers. She "found out" after I had ended the R. Look up my first post if you'd like, or ask and I'll give more details. )
I hope my wife will forgive me one day. She told me once that we would have been fine if it wasn't for OM. She never said the words "soul mate", but that's the way she desribed him to me.
In my heart, I've already forgiven her. I hope you are right that she won't overlook my help, but like maximus I feel skeptical <sp?> (I'm a terrible speller BTW. )<p>Well I'm going to get some sleep. I need to wake up in a few hours.<p>Thank you all for your support. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Feeling Lost