I found out last week that W is reading book called love must be tough, I have recently found out that she is also reading books called, forgive and forget healing the hurt, seventy times seven the power of forgiveness, why forgive, and tony evans on spiritual warfare, I don't know if this will help save the M, but I am getting to the point to where if we could D, on good terms that would satisfy me. I don't want it to end with her still hating me and maybe she forgive me before she files for D. I am just really starting to get lonely and wish that I could talk to her, I was recently laid off on last friday, and I feel that she is happy now that I dont have a job, I work in the Telecommunications industry and as you know it is harder to find a job right now. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself right now, but I will not forget what I did to create the marital situation, it was stupid and idiotic, but I know that God has forgiven me, I must keep remembering that for my own sanity, well I will stop here, but could not help but wonder if her reading the books, would help or hurt chances for saving the M.

If she's reading those types of books, they should bring positive things into your relationship. Especially if she's working on forgiveness.<p>I think you can take it as a good sign.

NA; reading those books is a GOOD sign. It shows she is trying to find a way to rebuild the M.<p>Let her know that's what you want to do also (if it is), and that you would like to work with her on that, if she'll let you.<p>It's always better to work towards that goal together.<p>Hang in there, have faith, be positive.

I am trying to decide whether to try to reach out again to W, to this point she has resisted every attempt, she has stopped responding to email, she did not even answer the email in regards to mail that have for her and the kids at my house. I know she is reading the books and feel that maybe she wants the space there for now, but that does not stop the wanting to talk to her and answer questions that she has. I love her so much, and miss her, the loneliness at night can be overwhelming, especially on sundays which was a day that we spent together typically. If I stay away as it seems like she wants will she eventually come to me to talk, it seems she would have to eventually to move forward with D, or whatever she decides to do. I wonder if she is seeing someone, and trying to read the books to forgive me before she moves forward with the D. I am totally confused at this point!

I do think its POSITIVE she's reading lots of books. I know I did when I was trying to figure out how I could attempt to forgive my WH last year. ( Now I'm selling them on Ebay and making lots of $$$! Yay!) She may want some time and space to think things thru for awhile. That doesnt necessarily mean she's thru with you for good. Why not read a great book while you're waiting? I recommend Hope for the Separated by Gary Chapman- excellent book! Also - if your W does file on you eventually I recommend the book Rebuilding When your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher. I recently gave these to a friend whose W filed for D on him and he doesnt want one and he says they have been of great help. Take care- lifeismessy

How do I reach out again to W, she has not responded to my email in regards to giving her mail, that is at my house. I know that she is reading books about forgiveness, should I just wait for D papers, and for her to make the next move on communicating? If not I am open to suggestions on how best to make an attempt, but being mindful to not LB and take 2 steps backwards. I still love her so much!

Time and patience... two simple words but very difficult. Plan A Plan A Plan A. Communication is an LB to her right now, so take it easy. Make sure, however, she knows you are sorry, knows you love her, and that you want to be married to her. Demonstrate - as much as you can - the best husband you can be. But, she is going to have to choose. You can't amke up her mind for her, much like I couldn't make up my XH's mind to end his A and come home.<p>How long has it been since you sent the e-mail? Whenever I send a question to H (during Plan A or now....) it seems like an eternity before I hear an answer.

It has been one week since I sent email to her about mail that I have for her. I know that she is out tonight with her daughter my step daughter, and they are probobly doing karoke somewhere, I want to talk to her so bad! How do I approach her, the wall is up and it is made of KRYPTONITE!

Are you in Plan A, or Plan B?<p>Also, about the mail, I'm wondering if you should drop it off for her somewhere - her house - her office - forward it to her - soemthing like that? We went through a period when my ex thought I was playing mind-games with him, JUST because I was trying to get his mail to him. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] So I quit trying to cooperate with him, and just started forwarding it.<p>Advice: Quit worrying so much about her. Yes, you messed up, and you are trying to make up for it. But you can't make her do anything. Click on WAT's Guidelines in my sig line. I think you can modify them to fit your situation. Plan A and B are for YOU. What are you doing for YOU?<p>Now, here's some questions for you. Answer them for yourself, or on here so we can help you. You need a plan, and maybe these will help you.<p>Have you communicated to your W (verbally or written):
1. that you are sorry for your A?
2. that you love her and want to be married?
3. that you are here learning about yourself, affairs, and how to be a better husband?<p>4. Have you made some changes - improvements - for things you did wrong pre-A? <p>5. Have you had a chance to demonstrate them to your W?<p>6. Have you seen a counselor? Asked her to join you in counseling?<p>It is NOT too late. You have some work to do.

Yes Faith1 to all of your questions, I have written apology, she wont talk to me so that I tell her face to face. I have made changes in my life. Asked her to accompany me to counseling. Told her that I wanted to try to work out the M. And the only way I can demonstrate the changes to her is to grant her request to be out of her life right now, and that is the hardest of all to not be able to pick up the phone and to call her, or email for that matter. I love her so much, I have to try to get over the guilt, and move on like she has. It is getting better though, I dont think about her as much as the first couple of months. I pray that she is happy, and lacking for nothing and has peace.