We are a little more than 10 months past d-day and things seem to be going great - so why do I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop?<p>My H is loving, attentive, sweet, and he seems happy. The former OW quit her job (working with my H) and neither of us have any contact with her (unless you count the dozens of hang up calls and the times she daily drives by our home). <p>My H is talking about our future often, making plans for vacations, remodeling the house, etc. He seems to be more in tune to me and my feelings. We do things together more than we have since the days of dating. He is being romantic - brings me flowers just because, planned a little private wine and cheese party the other night after the kids were in bed, calls just to say he loves me and he is making a genuine effort to quell all of my suspicions (paranoia?).<p>So why can't I relax and just go with it? Why can't I be happy. I feel like I'm nearing the top of a huge hill on the roller coaster and I'm waiting for the bottom to drop out.<p>Has anyone else gone through this or is it just me? I feel like I should be happy but there's a nagging feeling that something just isn't right. <p>Advice?

I never replied to any of your threads before, but I have read them. But your situation is so different from mine, I never thought I could add anything. <p>To this thread I think I can. I recall your husband never actually admitted to the EA. Has he? Have you had a chance to discuss it openly and with complete honesty so you can have full closure? Maybe that lack of closure is keeping you from feeling safe and completely trusting of him and enjoying your happiness now. Just a thought.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>I recall your husband never actually admitted to the EA. Has he? Have you had a chance to discuss it openly and with complete honesty so you can have full closure</strong><hr></blockquote><p>He hasn't admitted to an EA because he says there is no such thing, What he has admitted to is "an inappropriate friendship" with the former OW. But no we haven't been able to discuss it openly. He prefers to move on without "closure" for me. In fact just last night I brought that very fact up with him. I think you could be right and that until he is open and allows me closure I'll always have this feeling. I just don't know how to persuade him to talk about it in depth. I see an IC but he refuses to and he also refuses marriage counseling. I can't make him so I'm in stuck between that proverbial rock and a hard place.<p>[ April 24, 2002: Message edited by: TinyDancer ]</p>

bingo!!!-you dont feel safe. a little suspicion is normal, but you dont have any reason to trust him- he hasnt even admitted to what hes done. just because he doesnt like the wording?<p>he needs to realize what this is doing to you. talk to him

My H had an EA after we were first married. He never understood what it was until he had a EA/PA this time. He thought it was something he could control. Since nothing physical happened the first time, he never took it serious and thus never put the energy into finding out why it happened or how to prevent it. This time around he realized that he has a problem...and it scares the bejesus out of him. His problem is wanting to please everyone at any cost, not being truthful to his feelings, not feeling good enough and self-sabotaging himself to make those feelings true, etc. Anyhow, I don't know what to tell you except I was continously suspicious of my WH until he could see for himself that yes he had an EMA and it was a PA and EA and is looking into what got him and us there.

Yuck, how I hate to defend him but he has admitted it he just doesn't follow MB wording. He admits that he had an "inappropriate friendship" with the former OW. He admits that it was wrong and that he knows it hurt me. He apologized several times. I do trust him, I'm just afraid of being hurt again. And I do talk to him but I can't make him give responses that are what I need to hear.

Your caution is normal. You are protecting your heart. You want so badly to trust him but you have this nagging voice that keeps pointing out what happened last time you trusted him. What you have to understand is that it is ok not to trust him. I'm nine months into recovery, and I don't expect my husband to fully trust me (actually I let him know it's ok not to). In time it will come. Also, don't try to make it go away. Simply allow it to at it's own pace. The harder you try the tighter it will hold you. All in all you seem to be doing quite well. Enjoy the good and accept the fact that it is ok to still feel uneasy. That's not a bad thing, it's naturual. I wish you the best. Take care.