Just checking on you. I haven't seen you post today and wanted to make sure you're ok

Hello Honey, I was just thinking the same thing. I hope you're ok.

Honeyyyyyyyy.... where arrrrrrrre youuuuuuuuuu?

Bump.<p>Honey, is everything ok?

WOW, I feel so loved! Thanks for cking on me. I have been feeling down and trying to pull myself together after my latest outburst towards my h and his maid...mostly the maid. I hav e been filled with guilt and anger at myself over the problems.... I made worse- I went last night and got an increase in my medication... effexor... I was on 75 mg and bumped it up to 150... and the new pill is time released.<p>My H again threatened divorce... but says he is waiting to see...if I can calm down and deal with things as an adult. I know how crazy I have been.<p>I also considered filing because of the great rejection I have felt over his nonallowance of me at his house... and his 911 calls if I arrive without notice etc. I JUST HAVE TO avoid that house! <p>I HOPE and PRay the reltiaonship with the maid is just an inapprop. friendship! that I know! I do not think she is the type of woman my h wants.... so therefore... she is a lot less trouble than the original ow... which this thing with the maid has kind of made me realize I am seething in jealousy and I am SO FEARFUL... he will do it again! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I hav e had several counseling sessions this week as I started to feel so low. I feel better now.... but... I am afraid and aware of my deep FEAR.. and Intense fear of abandonment. <p>This has always been an issue for me and it really is now.<p>I will see my h today to exchange some money etc. at least that is what he sd... he is suppossed to call me this am and has not yet. He is suppossed to meet me near my job for coffee or even lunch... I do have my hopes up.<p>But I want to appear less needy....definitely. I have dressed great today and I am losing more weight and plan to exercise today too! I am looking a bit better, so he will like that... but I have to just get a hold of me. <p>I want my H to love me as he used to. Just settleing or feeling sorry for me would not work right anyway.<p>My h is running out of money so he is stressed... and there is no money for him to give to me... little more stress.<p>I am praying things will get better... even after my inappropriate outbursts. I am working on me.. and getting ahold of myself and controlling my uncontrollable anger... and imaginnation. I did imagine far worse than was real with ow number 1.<p>Thanks for all the support. I have been ashamed and embarrassed... but did want to post honestly what happened to get good feedback- and I did.<p>Thanks to all of you. I am just trying to find myself and get calm again.. and focus on me and the boys and taking care of us the best I can! there is not enough time for that anyway!<p>hugs, and thanks for the concern.... I have a big need for friends and support... so I really appreciate it. my h was my best friend, lover, bus. partner... et c... so my life is quite empty without him.<p>thanks again, Honey