Feb 2001 my husband announced that he all of a sudden wanted a divorce and moved out. I found out a month later he was living with a girl he worked with. (They no longer work together). He filed for divorce in March of last year (but I never received papers), it has finally dropped out of the courts do to inactivity and has been dismissed. For the last few months he said that he is thinking about coming back, and has tried once but did not come through with it. His entire family seems to support his affair, and has pretty much forgotten about me, his wife! We have been together 7 years. I am having alot of trouble with my emotions. I want him back because I believe we could make it work, however, I need his 100% committment. I am a Christian and find it very difficult to pursue a divorce. I love him and don't want to give up but also cannot deal with the pain anymore either. Please, if anyone has any advice, please let me know. I have been praying so much asking God what to do, but am still so confused. I am hoping to seek answers from fellow Christians who have been in the same situation.

I to have asked God what to do. My husband had an affair while I was pregnant. Two months before my daughter was born...he came home and told me. I asked God to help me deal with my ambivalent (sp) feelings and help me work out my marriage. So I just waited it out and did my part as a wife and things are better than before. Just be patient and do your best to stay humble. It should work out fine. God Bless!

I appreciate your input and am very happy to hear everything has worked out. May I ask, did you do anything special on your part. I have read so many books on how to deal with an affair, most of them say to have tough love. I have not yet wrote one of those "tough love" letters because I am scared it will only make him angry and draw him closer to her. Also, his fellow ex-employees thought he was divorced until I recently ran into one of them and told otherwise, as far as I know the OW may also think he is divorced (he is still living with her). I refuse to bring myself down to that level, but I just want to call her and tell her otherwise. Like I said, I am totally confused. I have been trying to hold still and let God deal with it, I just wish I knew what to do in the meantime.

I stopped talking and questioning him about the affair. That made a big difference in our relationship. We know that they don't like for us to rub their faces in their stuff and remind them what it smells like. lol. As far as the ow...I wrote her a letter stating that I believe forgiveness is the only true way to be complete. I forgave her and pointed out that what she did was wrong and it will come back to haunt her. I was very adult about it and was the better person. So maybe instead of calling her, which will seem like harrassment, just write her very professionally and adult-like. Don't put anything in it that she can try to use against you later. Just a suggestion...cause it worked for me. You don't need a big confrontation. I pray that everything works out for you, and if you want your husband back that he comes back with the intent to make your marriage better than ever. Me and my husband worked it out, and I hope that ya'll will too. God Bless

thanks for your response. should I write her this letter even though he is living with her. I know that would make him extremely angry and he would want to call it quits for good

I don't know. Maybe you shouldn't tell her, because he will feel you did it out of spite. This may be the time to be humble and let the rumors spread about you all already being divorced. Sometimes it is when you be still that things work out on it's own and all the lies come to light. I will ask my husband whether he would have felt spited and get back to you. If you don't hear from me in a few days...don't give up cause I will be back to give you his response.

Hi and sorry to hear about your pain. One other site you may find helpful as a Christian is Rejoice ministries. I too have a H who is living with his OW and as a Christian don't want a divorce and I'm working and praying towards reconciliation an dthe restoration of my marriage. Hope this helps. Jante

You are in a situation where you may be manipulated to enable his A. Do you want that? <p>If not, then read Dr James Dobson's book, love must be tough. Schedule an appointment with Steve or Jennifer and find out how you can strengthen yours resolve. <p>Your H does not sound ready to come back. He must show you worth. He needs to show you he wants to come back to you not as a 2nd choice but as his choice. Do not allow him to disrespect you. <p>Keep busy and even if others may appear to support the A, strengthen yourself with those who support you and your values. <p>As for contacting the OW, consider that rubbish. OWs are quite callous. Because of the lies given to them and their own selfish need to believe more lies. Some OPs (especially women) tend to stretch the truth and will often paint the wife in a bad light. <p>In my situation, I actually heard and read e-mails and messages from the OW to the WS saying 'remember that you said your W is bad? Remember, don't forget that your W is bad and does not love you. Remember that you said you never loved her but you loved me....'. All very pathetic. Now when my H is reminded of those embedded memories, he says it was all lies. WEll at the time he and the OW lived on those lies. <p>L.

I am going to try to hold still, and am going to buy "Surviving An Affair" today. I have read "Love Must be Tough" but find it extemely hard to use the principles. I have cut off contact with him but have not gave him a "letter" yet