I don't know how to deal with it. I am so mad at her for accepting this situation. We've never really gotten along great but I never knew she was so hateful. I can't stand to be around her now. It's a huge trigger now that I know about it. She got letters and cards and gifts from the FOW for x-mas and her b-day, she liked her, it just blows my mind. And now mothers day is coming up, I don't know how I am going to handle it. I am so sick of feeling anxious, sick to my stomach, it hasn't stopped since last fall. It doesn't matter that it has ended, I still feel like crap. Just a vent, don't know if anyone has any advice on the MIL sit. or has had the same thing happen, but it's like a double betrayal. A huge slap in the face to me. DBD

DBD,<p>Was your MIL aware that this was the OW? If she was aware, I don't think that I would have much to do with such a profoundly destructive person unless she showed remorse and asked for forgiveness. She owes you an apology in a big way.

DBD,
Sorry to hear about that.. In law situations can be sticky. So your MIL knows about the A and so on? She doesnt sound like she would be my favorite person either. <p>Well two options I can think of, one is talking to her about it. Do you think it would make a differance? Would it be a LB to your husband?<p>The other suggestion is just ignoring it and continuing to work on your marriage. Its always dangerous when we are so vulerable in times like these to let other's actions affect our feelings of self worth. Dont let them do that. Its not a contest who can make the MIL like them better anyway. (MIL doesnt sound like a prize to me anyway) Your still married to him right? She'll figure it out eventually, dont fall into any fueds. You're better than that, your better than them. Keep your chin up, show them all they arent going to run your life or your marriage.<p>HUGS!<p>-HI

Are you and H in recovery? If so then, I think you and your H should brainstorm (POJA) and come up with what to say to her.<p>If your not in recovery than I definately think you should try and search way deep inside yourself - I say this so you can get passed the anger and reach the source of your pain and hurt. So you can express to her in love how it felt for her to hurt you. Then say "I felt hurt that you liked her". I think it is important to share your feelings but recognise it is so you can heal - so you don't stuff the toxic (anger/pain/suffering) in you and blow up later. But also try not to expect anything from her as far as an apology. Do you deserve an apology? YES! but to expect one may set yourself up for failure. Once you get your feelings out to her (the hurtful feelings not the angry feelings) then go home and disect her response/reaction over a couple weeks. Then decide if she is someone you even want to associate with. You do NOT have to be around her. <p>I'm so sorry. That must be so awful for you. I would feel like it was a double betrayal too.

Thanks, ML and HI, My MIL was aware she was the OW, we were not seperated and I did not know at the time she was in the picture. My H says it was uncomfortable for her but things are coming out little by little and read letters from OW about how much she liked my MIL, so it is awkward at best. My MIL is very passive agressive and hates confrontation, does not express herself well and I don't know if she would admit she was wrong. She is not a horrible person, everyone likes her and thinks she is so nice but I know better! I am trying not to let it get to me but I am having a bad day today, I feel very shaky and just am tired of dealing with everything. You are right HI it's not a competition, and I guess if she thinks someone like the OW is so great then she has problems herself. Things will never be the same, but I am glad I know who is really for me and who is against me. I do have a lot of supportive friends and family, my H is being very good right now, taking full blame for the A but he was the last time too, so we'll see. thanks for the support! DBD

ILNPM, Thanks to you too! I don't know if I would be comfortable talking to her but I was thinking about writing a letter to her telling her how hurt I was. We are starting recovery again! but I think this time it is for real. He sent the letter out today, or I actually mailed it so I know it went, and he talked to her tues. and ended that way also. Just a few other loose ends to tie up and then the FUN of trying to get over this. I just feel like a basket case, can't eat or sleep well, I'm so tired I feel like I can't even move. I know it will get better but it will take a long time. DBD

You said: "... read letters from OW about how much she liked my MIL" That OW was trying to steal your man so I am sure she "poured it on thick" with your MIL. Try to win her on her side. <p>I know all about false starts. Hang in there. One day at a time, day by day...