After dating for 1.5 yrs, we married June 2001 ye In November of 01, I found out the whole time we dated, and after we married, my husband dated another woman, and promised HER they were to get married and so many other promises. She had no idea about me, nor me about her. IS this an affair or living a DOUBLE LIFE? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>the whole time we dated, and after we married, my husband dated another woman, and promised HER they were to get married and so many other promises <hr></blockquote><p>That's an affair. How can you be sure it was not physical? Even if it wasn't, then it was an Emotional Affair. <p>I would consider a "double-life" to be something more like working two different jobs - having a home in two different cities - etc. That probably involved a bunch of lies as well, but nothing compared to DATING or PROMISING two women.<p>How did you find out? What happened after you found out? What's going on now?

I'll play Devil's Advocate here:<p>You could also consider it leading a double life. If your man tells you one thing, but keeps the truth to himself, he's living a SECRET life. So you've got the life he shows to you and the rest of the world, and you've got the life he lives inside his head. And in your case, the life he lives with the other woman.<p>He isn't really married to you in one sense because there's an understood promise in our marriage vows (the ones people usually utter) "forsaking all others."<p>If he needs to keep two women in the dark about each other, he's not capable of making a commitment in your marriage.<p>He's one sick puppy and you can't fix him. Did you have a religious ceremony? If so does your faith allow for an annulment in case of deception or fraud?

I doubt that there is a ‘legal’ definition of the difference. But I’d say that an affair is what is going on with your H. It involves a secret part to his life. I’d say that your H is in an affair, not that he has a double life.<p>When I think of a ‘double’ life I think of someone who has a greater distinction between their ‘real’ and ‘secret’ lives… a bigamist comes to mind here. I’ve heard of men who work in two cities and they have a wife, totally separate friends, etc. in each city.<p>Of course they are legally married to the woman they married first. The other is really an affair where she thinks she is married.<p>I have a friend whose father walked out on her mother and her when she was 13. He never got a divorce from her mother. Over the years he has ‘married’ four other women. He has children with 3 of them. He has never paid one penny of child support to any of his children. He has been with the woman he ‘married’ last for 20 years not. They have a daughter in college. His new wife and daughter do not know that he is still married to my friend’s mother and her marriage and her child are illegitimate. My friend is in a quandary now as to whether or not to expose her father for what he is. He is apparently a highly respected man in his new town. No one knows what a sleaze bag he is. Her mother is in her 70’s and has never wanted to hurt the women he is involved with more then he already has, so she will not come forward.<p>Is his a ‘double life’? <p>Look at my signature block. I had a similar experience with my current marriage, except that my H had several OW’en. Each of which thought she was the ONE AND ONLY. To my great surprise, we have worked things out and are doing well. It is possible to recover a marriage even after such a discovery. It has a lot to do with who he is. Is this a life long behavior and pattern? Or is this a once in a lifetime stupid, terrible, ugly behavior.<p>JMHO