Nothing new here. It doesn't appear my W will be calling Steve. She hasn't said anything and I don't want to bring it up. I guess I'll have to bring up the "other" option. Here's what I plan on saying:<p>"I'm sure you feel our marriage is hopeless and your only options are staying in an unhappy marriage or going through a messy divorce and custody battle. I talked to Steve Harley and he believes there's another option. He's worked with alot of couples that were far worse off than we are, and has been able to help them overcome their problems, reconnect and regain the emotional intimacy that was missing. Many of them have gone on to have better marriages than they ever had by learning new ways to communicate and meet each other's needs. Are you willing to let him help us or at least consider it? We have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I think we owe it to ourselves and to our daughter to exhaust every possible option before proceeding with the divorce."<p>What do you think? I have an appt with Steve next Friday. He's going to advise me on how to approach this subject with my W.<p>sad dad

sad dad,<p>As BS sometime we are not patience and want to do thing in advance. IMHO, wait don't do anything. Just keep doing what you have been doing ... consistency and giving time. Wait until you talk to SH. Let him guide you and run your words by him. You are in a good hand.<p>-RH-

Have you thought about writing it in a note to give to her? Or do you think it would be better to do it verbally so you can gauge her reaction? The problem with WS I found is that when you do things verbally they dismiss what you're saying too soon without giving it a decent amount of thought time. They are so into 'themselves' by this point that they dismiss what anyone else is saying even when its very reasonable. I wish now I had written more notes to WS when he was so intent on D. Have you had your house appraised yet? I am sorry to hear about your mother not being able to stay in the place you had found for her. That must be SO stressful for you to deal with! My best friend is an RN who is an at-home mom now and she is finishing up working on her masters degree to specialize in hospice care for when she goes back to working. THAT is going to be a booming field soon I am sure! She used to be a critical-care nurse so she was the perfect person to call first when I found out about my H's A. At that point I WAS in critical condition believe me!!!! Take care and let me know how your wkend went- I know how hard those are when there's an emotional separation in the house. lifeismessy

redhat,<p>Believe me, I've become the king of patience, but I hear ya. Steve told me that at some point I may have to be the one to let her know that there is another option because she may not see one. He said he'd help me find a way to present it to her. This was just a "rough draft" and I intend on waitng until I run it past him before bringing it up with her. This is a last resort for me. If she's not willing to consider trying something, I'll have no choice but to get the D process started myself. I can't continue living in limbo. Steve's opinion, and I agree, is that she hasn't pursued the D because she's waiting to see how custody unfolds BEFORE proceeding with the D. She knows it could get ugly and things could come out that could hurt her in custody. We are actually talking more than we have in a long time, but I have to be careful because she may just be "playing nice".<p>lim,<p>I've written many letters this past year and a half, some have gotten responses and some not. I may write her a note, but give it to her to read in front of me. That way I'll say what I want how I want, but be able to get an immediate response.<p>I did have a realtor friend do a comparative market analysis on our house. She put together a nice package on her letterhead so I have that when needed. Our house is worth alot more than I thought. Things with my mom are finally turning around. We found an Alzheimer's only assisted living place that will take her. She 's going to be released from the hospital next week and we'll have her in her new "home" very soon. Thanks for your concern.<p>sad dad

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