I feel paralized with fear. We have done nothing but fight all weekend, he finally said this morning he would move out that he can't take it anymore and I start going off the deep end that he's moving in with her, he has a plan (I didn't say it but I don't want him to leave). Why am I feeling like this now? I have been screaming at him to move out and now he says he's going to and in my mind I don't want him too. Thank God I didn't beg him to stay, Ijust said make it fast.<p>I feel like she has won. I've got to get some serious help for this problem. I have read things in his e-mails of sex acts they have done and I am just sick - i cannot believe this is happening. I can't stop crying.<p>I feel like everything is completely over. My marriage, my family and my life. I can't get myself together. I took our son to church this morning and had to leave early because I made such an a$$ out of myself by crying through the whole sermon.<p>What's wrong with me? Look what he keeps doing to me, look at what I know and yet I feel like I'm losing. <p>If he wants her so bad and I'm so crappy or as he says "I'm not so great" why the hell doesn't he just leave and get it over with?

Hopefulandsad:<p>one thing i have learned over the past months is that nothing i do can or will make her change her mind. nothing i do will make her feel remourse or want to stay. ww has to decide that for herself. <p>i did discover that everything i have been doing was and is wrong. i keep trying to convice ww to stay. keep trying to get her to see what she is doing is wrong, that a separation will do us no good. that just doesn't work. it just makes her want to leave even more. ws only do what we allow them to do. as hard as it is be strong and keep yourself busy. put your time and effort in making sure your child is okay through all of this. believe me that helps! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] feel comfortable knowing you have done and are doing all you can to save the marriage. i am starting to believe after many posts that separation doesn't have to be the end, but maybe a tunnel to a new beginning. all i know is trying to get my ww to stay isn't working, begging, crying, pleading....nothing has worked. she continues to look for an apartment regardless. <p>i am resigned to loving her and letting her know that up until the day she actually leaves. then i will continue to love her and hope and pray she returns. how long i'll wait....i don't know. but in the meantime i am going to move on and try to be strong and love my kids and support them. <p>hope this helps.<p>keep your faith and hope....i know that's hard.<p>hopenden

The pain you are feeling at present is a terrible hurtful pain. For the short term it is most likely best for him to move out. If all that is happening at home is fighting there is no reason he would want to stay or you would want him to stay. There is so much hurt presently in you, that even if he did stay you would need some separation. He must make some choices in his own life, and only him clearly understanding the consequences of his actions will allow him to do that. Have you tried to write him a letter similiar to the PLan B letter they talk about in the web site. In writing this letter and giving it to my wife after she had moved out it took alot of weight of my shoulders, because I knew I had clearly outlined my feelings and commitment to her, what we both sttod to lose based on years of marriage while I also placed limits around how we would communicate, and what I believed was the best for the children. Having her out of the house gave me the time I needed to grieve, and start to take care of myself and the kids initially. At first I believed she held all the cards as to what the future of both of our lives was going to be, now I know I am holding my cards, while she is holding her cards. Personally I feel good about my future most of the time, because I have tried as hard as possible to let her know my committment to her, and if she chooses to not come back and work on things, that was her choice and I will not carry that burden around. Please keep posting your feeling's here as there is alot of positive people that also can help you through this.