I wanted to say Hi...have been lurking, but really am out of words for responding. <p>We are still heading towards a divorce...looks like the end of May. My H is still deep in the FOG, misses the kids terribly...and still justifies everything he has done. It's so sad. The older girls barely tolerate him, my 10 year avoids him if she can. My son is the only one who wants to be with him.<p>He stole our boat last week, changed the ignition keys and took his girlfriend and my son out on the boat (on different days). <p>He tried to get hired on the base again and used me as a reason for them to hire them. They didn't want him back. He called me to say that the reason they didn't want him back was because of the divorce...I questioned him saying "the divorce...are you sure it wasn't the infidelities?" He said they told him he couldn't pass security clearances because of what I would tell them. He then went on to say he didn't understand them...he was trying to get back in for us.....Amazing...he still doesn't get it. It is so sad that someone can let their life spiral so far down. He still doesn't think he has done anything wrong...he shows no regrets or anything. He still justifies everything he has done by blaming me. I don't know how he can look himself in the mirror. <p>There must be a God however looking after us. At least he won't be here with her under our noses. <p>Do you think he will ever see the light? A neighbor came over tonight while I was tackling our lawn. She said she saw H at the gas station on base one day. She said he looks awful...and he does. His hair is scraggly, and he has a pale look about him. She said she has been praying that he will realize how foolish he has been. She says she sees our wonderful family all the time and can't believe he has done this to us. I still can't believe it either. <p>Our court date has been moved to the end of May. I have IEPs to write, conferences, and Meg's graduation between now and then. I don't know how I will be able to pull off the graduation activities. My house is a mess. The kids are still playing soccer, about 7 games a week, and Kyle's baseball has started too. <p>I had to go through all of our pictures today looking for pictures of Meg for a powerpoint thing we are doing for her for graduation. It made me really sad. We did have a neat family. <p>I have been keeping up with most of you...but just have a difficult time responding right now. I appreciate you all so much...the support and love provided here is incredible. Thought I would just say hi. I think I am getting stronger, but still have my ups and downs. I am amazed by the lack of respect this man has for me. It is just uncomprehendible.

miseryinmissouri
Just wanted to say I read your message. No words of wisdom, just (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) for you and what you are going through.
I think there is always hope though. Just keep praying. Sometimes the answers we want don't come as we think they should though.

Hi back ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ... when WS is in deep fog, BS better stays way out of sight. Keep your focus on whatever left and your life. Hope that WS will come out of the fog before passing point of no return.<p>Stay strong. -RH-

Hey Pat,<p>I too have been lurking some lately. Have thought about you so very often. Specially with the end of school so near!! Lots going on for you as you mentioned!!<p>I've thought many times that if someone had come to my husband and told him the story of "us" that he would have not been very nice about what he would say as to what that man was doing to his family, BUT because it is he doing it to his family he doesn't see it as wrong, only sees what he wants to see in it.<p>Hold your head high and do not think of what he has done to your family but think of what you are doing for your family and your kids will see what it is mom is doing and some day they will appreciate it and thank you for it. Specially if you are the one doing the yard work!!HA!!<p>He may never understand why it is they wont here him at the base as he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior, but you know and that has to be satisfaction in itself for you.<p>It is too bad he has chosen to behave the way that he has, not the colonel that I would look up to and admire. I am sure that that is hard for you to see and watch what it is he has allowed himself to become.<p>How is the new lawyer working out? The end of May huh? Our 60 days is up this next weekend and we still haven't agreed on a sum, so can't be finalized or taken to court til we do or we chose to fight over the amount. I am a little scared that the end is so near and I can't seem to stop it or get him to realize what he is doing. Pastor had a very good sermon today on imorality, big time on infedility and all I could think of was "how do I get H to hear this?" Pastor does tape his sermons, wonder should I send H a tape? Probably not!<p>Enough already just wanted to check in with you! Glad to see your still hanging in there!! How's graduation plans coming along?<p>Take care, C ya Dawn [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Thinking of you and your family. In spite of the pain your H's behavior has caused, it is he who ends up the biggest loser. You are right. It is so sad all the way around. I'm glad that you have PLENTY to keep you occupied. Forget the housework. The kids are more important!<p>Take care,
Estes

Thanks Mikkey and Redhat,
I appreciate your hugs and encouragement.<p>Dawn,
It was great hearing from you. I am sorry to hear your situation isn't any better either. It was reassuring to have the base turn him down...of course, financially it is going to kill us. But it is such a relief that he won't be here right in our faces. Everywhere I run into base people--I have been supported. They are really shocked that he has done this. I am too.<p>He hasn't changed any tho. He is nice to me when he wants something. But then I hear conversations he has had with other people or even my daughters--and he is so hateful. I think there is something mentally wrong. He is really acting so strang and awful.<p>I truely hate this whole situation. The next few weeks will be tense too. A lot of Jim's family is coming for graduation. His mother wanted to stay here. At first I said yes--but then he pulled some really stupid stuff with my S and another day with my older daughter. I then wrote my MIL and told her I didn't think it was a good idea. She never has called me. Now I am wondering if she just didn't want to get in the house. With me working, it sure would have been a great way to get Jim into the house. Who knows. <p>I am planning on having a reception for my daughter here at the house the night before graduation. I think my brother is going to come--and that will be so nice. I hope I can get everything together before the 18th. <p>How are your kids doing....mine have been sick. One with pink eye, one with strep, one with the flu and now another one with strep. I have had to take lots of sick days the last few weeks. I hope I don't have to take tomorrow off to get her in to see the doctor. I am trying to get testing done at school and IEPS written. Hard to be gone now.<p>I am sorry to hear your H is still in the FOG also. I really have a hard time understanding how someone is able to leave their family. I couldn't even conceive of doing that. Our marriage had difficulties---but I just don't understand his unhappiness---guess I probably never will. Hopefully, we both find a happier future. Better get to bed....take care Pat

Dear Estes,<p>Thanks for your post. I have been reading a lot of yours and as usual they have been full for wisdom----must be the teacher in you [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I really feel for your son and grandson. None of us should have to go through this heartbreak. <p>I do feel good about my part of my relationship--I realize now from all the support and love that has been show me this past year, that I can walk away from this with my head held high. I just wish I could get over this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I guess that just takes time. <p>Your son also should be able to feel that he has tried and done his best for his relationship and his son. I hope we both find happiness and peacein the near future. Take care Pat

Hi MnM,<p>Thanks for keeping us posted. I am sorry you are still dealing with a foghead but now it is out in the open. Others can see what you are seeing so his attempts to blame you is now futile since the rest of the world are seeing things like you. Oh yea, except for other fogheads! <p>You do sound like you are moving on. The kids seem to be keeping you real busy. In a way that is good. Eventually you will need to take some MnM time for yourself. A day at the spa, retreat, etc. I got to do the spa treatment last year (compliments from work) and it felt great!<p>Take Care,
L.

Hugs MnM...<p>I am glad to see your update... you sound like you are coping... I was wondering about the new lawyer, too... I hated when you wrote about the things your former one did.<p>I know how difficult the end of the school year is... we love it and dread it [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>This has been a tough year for so many of us, but look how far we've come and how much stronger we are!<p>Good luck,
Cali

Hey Pat,<p>I have been wondering about you. YOu sound stronger. <p>Time to head out the door.<p>bye

Thanks Cali, and Orchid and Sing,<p>This year has definitely flown by. I am feeling stronger...sad, but stronger. I look and listen to him now and just think ugh!! He looks awful.<p>It is still hard dealing with him...but I am learning to let it go. I try not to worry about when the kids are with him. I met two nice "friends" at my divorce recovery class. It is nice to just talk to someone who is decent. Outside of that, I am too busy to think. I don't know how I am going to get ready for Meg's graduation on the 18th. It will be interesting. <p>They want me to teach summer school this year...and I think I am going to decline. It would be nice to have the money...but last summer was such a waste emotionally...I need to get caught up around the house this summer. Besides..I do need a break this summer. A spa sounds great!! I hope you all are doing well. Have to go run and get my S from baseball practice. Take Care Pat

Hey!!<p>I tried to post to you yesterday, but I couldn't log in. <p>I just wanted to tell you that you sound like you are doing great and that you have a good head on your shoulders.<p>It also sounds to me that your husband seems like one of those guys that isn't going to quite disappear altogether--you offer him a "home base" to come to when things get tough. I know that's not a comforting thought, but it proves that you are the ultimate "mom," both figuratively and truly.<p>Isn't it funny, too, about the clearance thing. My husband, who I am still with after all the hell we have been through, tells me that the reason he won't go to counseling, ect, is that he will jeorpardize his clearance. DUH! If he was truly worried about his clearance, he wouldn't have fooled around in the first place. In my desperate journey to heal this marriage, I have been to many different facilities for help. My husband was so irrate that I was "ruining" his career by doing this.<p>In fact, I am "ruining his career" by simply being on here talking to all you nice folks--someday, someone might find out and it would be all my fault.<p>Women just can't keep quiet, huh?

Oh, I know that argument well Bernzini! For years my H used to say the same things to me. I didn't tell very many people about his other affairs--pretty dumb when I look back on it. He always said not to say anything because it would affect all of us, including me and the kids. <p>I don't know...I probably wouldn't have done anything anyway. Wanted my marriage to work too badly. Oh well...hindsight is always better they say. <p>How are you doing? Didn't sound good the other day. Are you doing ok? I have to run to bed...a friend came over to talk tonight....and now it is one o'clock again...well worth it tho. Talk to you later Pat

I forgot to say that my new lawyer from a little town near here seems absolutely normal. I hope he is good in court...but he is definitely much better to work with. He is a real human being. He seems to be on top of things too...I hope so anyway. I have only met with him once...but we have talked on the phone a few times. <p>He met with my H and his lawyer the other day. I guess my H was in one of his moods and pretty much attacking his lawyer. Didn't sound like he impressed anyone with his statements.<p>I was at my friends' house for a picnic the other day and when I left I had to turn the car around because of a dead end street. A couple was walking in the middle of the road...an old fart and his wife. The man wouldn't move out of the way...guess who it was...the DRAGON lawyer. I had all I could do to keep from mowing him over with the car. What a moron. I can't believe I put up with him that long. Someone needs to go after him...before he treats someone else the way he treated me. I have heard lots of similar stories about him lately. Sometime when my life is a little more stable...I may tackle him. What a poor excuse for a human being. Yuck.<p>Amazing tho...I owe him another $880. He hasn't billed me again for it tho...hopefully he is so senile that he has forgotten about it....I can only pray. Take Care...and be thankful for small miracles [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

mom, I am glad you are doing better and have a better lawyer.. this is so hard.. any hope for reconciliation? it sounds slim... and that your h is still in fog? <p>I am very sorry for you, but glad you got rid of the bad lawyer... some are just so uncaring and just want to rip people off.... he can still bill you and even sue if you do not pay... so be careful.. but I do hope he is senile... <p>perhaps you can complain to the state bar about him? did he overbill you? <p>If I file I am going to use the legal clinic at the law school in houston... because I cannot afford all the bills.. my H is now on unemployment after blowing a 50000 severence pay.... ck... he has not worked in over 6 months... alcoholic... I hope he is hitting bottom??? <p>Anyway... my heart goes out ot you and those terrible legal fees... glad you did not mow him over... ! hehe... though I am sure he is quite a jerk! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
I noticed we were both up late... I am about to read some of my book the emotionally abused woman and try to get back to sleep ... to remind myself of all the emotional abuse my h is doing to me....<p>sometimes all of this is crazy making for me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care, Lisa

Well mnm,
It sounds to me as if you have made it through the most difficult time--D-day(s) and all that drama...<p>I'm guessing that you were probably carrying the load of single parenting LONG before nowadays(?)<p>In any case, you do sound strong(er) and while it is sad to have your idea of how your life would flow, shattered, you are past the worst of it (emotional abuse through serial cheating). At least that's my take on it.<p>As for the sadness, you are allowed to mourn the loss of someone who was special enough to marry, but who is now gone. Hopefully he will recover himself and be someone your kids can look up to before he self-destructs! My prayers are with you all...<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</p>

Thanks BINthereDunthat,<p>I hope I am over the worst of this. Who knows though...graduation is coming up. And after that the big D. I hope I don't get so emotionally down again. I am trying to keep plugging away.<p>He was at my daughters' soccer game tonight. I don't feel much about him anymore--I can almost forget he is even there. That is a little improvement--even I can see that.<p>I am worried about my little guy though. He seems so sad. I don't know what to do about that. We have all gone through so much...I hate the legacy of this. I am rambling...have to run and do some school work. Thanks for the encouragement tho....I wish I felt as strong as you all say I sound. Pat

M-
I too have been a lurker lately! My divorce will probably happen by the end of the month. My H gave me the papers today. Very sad.....but I didn't cry. I tried to be so strong in front of him. <p>I know what you are going through with all of the end of year activities....the prom is on Fri....8th grade dance is next week....my oldes got envited to a choir banquet.....and then we have graduation. What the heck are we supposed to do to celebrate??? My son would like to go out to dinner. My family said they will do whatever we want. This will be difficult. But somehow we will make this right for our kids.<p>I still can't believe that after all of these years....I am going to be divorced.<p>Stay strong...<p>MAX