I have been trying to keep it together for months, i just don't care anymore. we have decided to seperate but he wants to stay living in the house, ect. I WISH HE WOULD JUST LEAVE. He makes me feel guilty when i don't want to have S all i am doing is dressing and going to work and stressing out for what, my childrens father?? This is never going to work is it???? I am so tired of this game.

File and get a court order to get him out. If you're going to be separated, you should live separately.

Thanks for the post, i am working on it. i have been plan aing and i just feel walked on so, i quess i move on. thanks again, sara

If I had stopped loving him I would have filed for divorce. When one spouse cheats the BS really doesn't owe him/her anything. Love was what kept me in the marriage. If that had gone away it would have been over. I would never fault a BS who decide to opt out of the whole mess. That is absolutely your right.

To expand on what I meant: It is difficult to Plan A in a live-in type of separation. All they're going to see is the worst of you. IMO, if you are going to separate, it is better to actually live separately because then if there is contact, you can always be at your Plan A best, and all contact with you is pleasant rather than unpleasant. PLUS you don't have the constant oppression of the WS in the same house as you LBing you by their very presence or worse.

When the BS has lost just about all of their love for the WS, it's time for Plan B.<p>As for getting him out of the house before a divorce is final, it may not be possible. Depends on which state you are living in. Your attorney will be able to tell you your rights. I my previous marriage, I found out that in NM or Texas I could not force him out of the house. If I did not want him to live with me and he did not want to move, then I had to move out. I did that eventually. But only after I got all of my legal ducks in a row.

I understand how you feel. I have been there, so many times. At more than 20 months after d-day, I wonder whether I will ever love my FMH again. But, I stay with him because I want to give our M every chance to heal and I want to keep H in our children's daily lives until I know that there is no other way.<p>It might be a different situation as you are in, as H and I have been through a separation and reconciliation (plan B), and that was after a nearly full year plan A on my part. Since plan B, H has been making consistent efforts to rebuild and has been trying to meet my ENs. Even with the A long since ended, H was still very Fogged for nearly a year after that. So, it has been a long hard road, and I am less in love with H than I ever was.<p>I guess I am not a 'romatic' in the sense of needing to be in love to want to stay in the M. But I am hopeful in that I hope my love for H will return, as I heal from the last 20+ months. Only time will tell whether this will happen, but H is really trying, so I'll hang in even without that love.<p>Is your H trying at all? Are you in MC? And most importantly, is the A over?<p>Hugs,

I don't know if the A is over, He say's it is then he says he talks to her. I don't think it is. He won't go to MC. I am not sure why, he says they will just say she is a slut (she is a stripper) We are still having S every day. We are talking. I am doing all i can to meet his pn and en. I just don't feel love, all i can do is think if he loved me he wouldn't have done this. He still tells me he loves me all the time, it makes love seem cheap. To me love is a choice, not a feeling, true love stays even when you don't have butterflies [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] true love is patience, kindness you know I Cor 13, which is why i am still married. thanks for the post. i appreciate knowing someone is listening thank you.

What if you still love them but that isn't enough? What if you just can't look at them without thinking they are a liar?

Cloudyday,<p>It is really hard to way in on this one without all of the facts. So please take any of this with a grain of salt. By the tone of your original messages, it appears that something might have triggered your frustration right now. I think that your choice to separate sounds like a payback.<p>It also sounds like you are a Christian. If I am wrong please pardon me for what I am about to say. We are all sinners and we all make mistakes. Jesus should be our model for understanding Agape Love (true love I will use LOVE for this). He has forgiven our sins past, present, and future, and LOVES us regardless of whether or not we love him or continue to sin and hurt him. <p>In order for you to have feelings and LOVE him again, you need to work on you. It sounds like you truly have not forgiven him for what he has done. Try to see all of this through God's eyes and try to look at H the way God looks at him. Remember when Jesus told the Pharisees that having an affair is just the same as lusting after a woman in your heart. We all make mistakes, and will continue to make mistakes. The important thing is to see your H for what he is now not for what he was then. Give him a chance. You will not have feelings for him until you can see this in God's eyes and turn this all over to him.<p>Sorry if I sound too harsh here. I do not mean to. I feel for you. D-day was just over a month ago and I have no feelings right now for my WW. The feelings keep coming and going because I keep catching her in lies because the EA/PA continues to today. I can't even get her to say that she will try to leave him. I guess at least she is being honest. There have been times I have felt strong feelings for her, and that is when I was closest to God and when I was continually seeking God for strength. Right now I am doing my best with Plan A without LB's.<p>Good Luck, and remember that you do have the choice to end the M because of the A, but it my opinion it should be because of the A and not because you are having troubles having feelings for H again. Explain to H your EN's and your feelings, work on you, and you should see the feeling come back.

Thanks for the input Dreamland, i needed that. your right I do need to forgive. I will work on that. <p>Sorry for your pain blue eyes. I know the feeling, i still want to check even though i know. crazy huh.<p>God bless you both [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]