I am working on my own version of Anger Management Homework... my psychiatrist who upped my meds suggested this.... as was my thoughts... already... after my last outburst due to the A... or the A's ???? or my mental imagination of the 2nd A... who knows? Regardless I have to preserve myself and not let myself and my children be drug down in the mud with my WS who is an alcoholic and is lying to me.<p>Yes, I am codependent and working on these issues... MY rage was in hopes in some crzy way to make him or her (ow) stop what they were doing.... not that it was premeditated or anything like that... but that is the only goal I can imagine my subconscious... having... or at least lashing out... I don't know what.. temper tantrums... whatever you want to call them!<p>I just found a linl thanks to another poster when I searched under anger attack on google.. these are a few good links... for others struggling with anger.<p>I cannot afford an anger management class right now... financially or timewise... but if anyone has anything or referrals to anywhwer... free... that will help me or others ... please post them on this topic.<p>thanks, HONEY <p>PEACE BE WITH YOU
http://helping.apa.org/daily/anger.html<p>http://www.faithlinks.org/viewarticle.asp?ID=228<p>
http://stress.about.com/gi/dynamic/...lth%2Fcornell%2Frecovery%2Fangerule.html<p>&#353; Rules for Direct Verbal Expression of Anger &#339; <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>
1. Say what happened. <p>Do:
Be very specific.
Say exactly what happened, when, where and how often. <p>Don't:
Describe your emotional reaction to it yet.
Use abstract or vague terms.
Generalize.
Guess about the other person's intentions or motives.<p>
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2. Say how you feel about it. <p>Do:
Speak calmly.
State feelings in a positive way.
Say how you feel about the situation, not about the person.<p>Don't:
Deny your feelings.
Unleash emotional outbursts.
Put the other person down.
Attack the entire character of the person.<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>
3. Say exactly what you want the other person to do.<p>Do:
Request a small change.
Request only one or two changes at one time.
Say exactly what behaviors you want to see stopped and those you want to see continued.
Ask for something the person can actually do.<p>Don't:
Merely imply that you'd like a change.
Ask for too big a change.
Ask for too many changes.
Ignore the other person's needs.
Assume that only the other person has to change.<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>
4. Say why.<p>Do:
Say exactly how their change in behavior will help you.
Say exactly how their change in behavior will be good for them.
Say how bad things will be if their behavior doesn't change<p>Don't:
Be ashamed to say why you want the change.
Threaten.
Bully.
Be ashamed to say how important their behavior is to you.<p>
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<p>[ May 08, 2002: Message edited by: carolkh ]</p>

Honey, I am not a so-called expert in "anger management" except that I also had horrific problems with violent rages like you and overcame them. When I lived in Houston, I went into rages at my H on at least a couple of occasions resulting in the Houston police paying me a little visit. [the swat team was on my roof once when I tried to shoot him [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ]<p>Anyway, I learned that I CAN control myself when I feel that rage coming on. So can you. It was a luxury that I could not afford to give into and REACT to my rages. Every sane person has that capability. Once I controlled myself the first time, it became much easier the second time and the tenth time until I no longer fear my rages. Yes, I still have rages but I NEVER react to them anymore. I leave the situation and react to it when I am in my sane mind. <p>It just takes practice, Honey. My own poor son had the same problem and I taught him how to control his rages by the time he was in the 6th grade. You can do it too.

thanks for these replies.. I needed this... thanks so much.. I just saw them... as life has been on roller coaster lately.. lately I am feeling better... but very sad.. my H is involved with housekeeper and 2nd a cycle is quite sad and I am dealing with some of same emotions , rage, etc.. it is difficult.. <p>I did today react very calmly to emotionally charged situation... having ones love of your life.. turn on you is quite devesating... <p>thanks for your honestly melodylane.. and I am so glad you and your son are doing better and in control... I feel better that way too! :0<p>hugs, honey