Hey All,<p>Crazy weekend , once again. I left to stay at my sisters this weekend because WH made plans to be w/OW and I just didnt want to sit around torturing myself again. Of corse he made a different excuse ( going out w/friends). So I packed up the kids, went to meet him at bart so he could see his son ( thats why he didnt want me to leave, wanted me to stay home and suffer so he could see his son...sorry buddy, i have a life too) so decided to let him see his son , and guess who comes driving around the corner? YEP, you guess it! OW and WH in her car! He was driving it! He has been telling me that he hasnt seen her in awhile, its over . Yeah right! So i pull up to them , she wont even look at me. He has the nerve to say " I needed a ride". I yell something at her. I take off after her. Chasing her all over the freeway (stupid, I know). She will not look at me. Shes on the phone w/ police. Hes after me , yelling at me to pull over. I get off freeway, he blocks me, sees a cop, stops the cop, i get on the freeway, cop pulls me over, pulls him over, another cop shows up. Tell him the story, im in tears, my 10yr old daughter is in tears. The cop lets me go to my sisters and tells WH not to follow. BIG MESS, I know.<p>So Im out all weekend. Hes pissed at me for taking his son. Its not like I kidnaped him. But now thats what hes making it look like. And Im a crazy woman. I come home yesterday, my daughter is so hurt, so depressed, dosent want to live here anymore. thinks daddy wont stop hurting me. And I had talks with her all weekend. Even defending WH so she wouldnt hate him. Telling her people make mistakes and he really isnt a bad person. Anyways, we need to figure out what we are going to do. He is still seeing OW. Has not stoped, doesnt want to stop, wants a wonderful life w/her because shes the love of his life ( this is what he tells her but has no idea I know. I cant reveal my sorces just yet. might be lurking) He still denys all of this. says he stoped seeing her blah, blah, blah. Its not about her its about us. Ive tryed ( which he has not if he never gave her up). I dont know how to make this work anymore. theres nothing we can do. you dont believe what i say. <p>The one good thing he did say is I think we need a third person to help us talk about what were going to do. I said ok. It needs to be professional. Hes going to get his and Im going to get mine. He says he only has one thing to say about us and thats it. Then he needs to get help for him self. Basicly he does not want to make this work. But will not admit it. Wants to look like he tried. Really hasnt. Sticking with lie. Telling OW "we will be together soon". So now Im at a point where I relize I cant make him want to really try, I cant make him give up OW, all I can do right now is protect my kids and self. And do I really want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me? whos in love with someone else? The sad thing is ,yes. No matter what, I still love my husband. But I have to let him go. I will however not be the one to file. Hes going to have to do that if thats what he wants.<p>So my question is, What are my legal rights as far as moving away w/my kids and us not being legaly DV'd? I dont want to move out of state, but far enough so that I will never have to run into them again. And also, Its one of the few places i have to go. The only places I can move to are San Dieago,CA, Arizona, or Hawaii. Im 10 hours north San Dieago, so I think that would be the best place for me legaly. I hear I cant move out of state. Cuz believe me I would LOVE to move to Hawaii. Can I do that? What are my rights? What are his rights? Is there anyway I can fix it so that I can make sure OW never gets to see my baby? Also,do OW or WH have anything on me to where he can get our son or I cant move far away ( the car chase craziness), and remember I have videos of them. Videos that his dumb butt made. I dont want to play ulgy, I just want to live where I want to live unless he is really willing to try. And I dont want her near my son.<p>Please help if you can.<p>PI

email me at home... and I will give you some info I do not want to post... lbarfield@houston.rr.com <p>I think you are probably ok on the car chase .... I hope it was not too bad... but I know how the rage can be... ck out my link in GQ today on anger management homework... you seeing them together in a car... your HUSBAND with an OW... it TORTURE... so just calm down... you acted out of anger and passion and you will be oK.... but don't do this again... I too have flown WAY OFF THE HANDLE... <p>I am at work and I hav e to go and do some registration stuff to make sure I get paid next week... ver y imporatant/// so I will be back later... take care.. my heart goes out to you... <p>you take care of you and your beautiful children for now...he is acting nuts... do not let him pull you down with him! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>YOu are the good one, right? act that way , poised and dignified... it is his err that got you both here...<p>switch your brain to a different channel...<p>this too shall pass..<p>take this one day at a time... one minute at a time.. you will be OK><p>I've been there too, ashamefully so... but true.<p>Hugs and love, Lisa

I am so sorry for you! It sounds as if you really need to get some emotional distance from this so that you can think clearly. This cannot be a good situation for you or your children. I think that the laws governing moving with your children vary greatly from state to state. Here in Texas you can't take your children out of the COUNTY without the consent of your ex-spouse after a divorce. You should really consult a good lawyer in your area to find out the specifics in your state. When I first spoke to an attorney about this very topic, she advised me to move with my kids right away and establish residence out of state. I thought about this but dicided that it would be too tramatic for my kids, esp. if my H saw a lawyer and made me move back. I think that you should find out what your legal options are and then weigh them with the wellbeing of your children firmly in mind. You need to make a decision that you can live with long term. In the mean time IMHO I think you should do you best to eliminate all unnecessay contact with your H. It can't be good for you, you know scenes like the one you described are awful for your kids and they can't help but hurt your legal standing. Take a deep breath slow down and reclaim your own life -- you deserve it. Who knows maybe once you pull back and let your H's A stand on its own without the added drama your involvement provides, the relationship may die on its own. Hang in there.

P I,<p>Seek legal advice from lawyer, it is varies even between county in the same states !!!. You need to have 100% legal and 100% physical custody to move your kid beyond reasonable distant. I can't move my 2 D beyond 9 bay area counties w/o my WW's permissions while pending Dv. Have you go to parenting in separation/Dv ?. In peninsula area, it is a mandatory class that we all have to take. One thing that you could count on ... you might loose your M and even your child custody is you keep continue on your actions. Do not put your kid in the middle ! even you didn't mean to do that. Protect your kid from seeing the violent & conflict. H could hire a psycologist and evaluate your D ... then blame it on you for not be able to provide a safe environment for her ... he could get your D to live with him that way. Get a lawyer that only work for woman in Dv, specialist to represent woman to get CC.<p>IMVHO, You could hire a pyschologist to evaluate her D ... you could show to the court as part of the Dv term that A has been damaging to your D, therefore you petition the court to make sure that OW can not be near or around your kids.<p>Remember that any "chasing" will push your H farther from you and closer to OW.<p>-RH-

Hi PI -- Just bumping you up so you'll get more responses. <p>I am praying for you today -- it sounds like you had a really rough weekend. I hope you are ok and I am glad you went to your sisters house.

Hey PI just found this posting, I'm sorry to hear all you 've been through, I was so encouraged for you from the last posting I read on Plan A/Plan B. Now my heart breaks for you still. There is some very good advice here for you, and I pray that God will give you clear direction on what to do. <p>Unsureheart is so right when she says that the WH is not in his right mind, I know that during my time with my H, we were so incredibly in love , it was almost unbelievable. Once the A started, and he was caught, he said we should never have gotten married in the first place, suddenly forgetting all the wonderful times we did have! It is amazing how their brains go dead after OW is in the picture. His mom used to say, "think with the right head" unfortunately, he didn't use the one on his shoulders, and the other one took over and still is!<p>I will keep you in my prayers, God Bless you!
Monika

PI<p>Wow how alwful. The whole situation. The one thing that is right is that you do need to get you and your kids away from that situation.
You also need to control your emotions (though I might have done the same thing under the circumstances [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ).<p>We are in the same state. Unfortuantly there are no grounds for divorce in the state. You WH can do whatever and never have to ans for it.
I knew of a women who went to OW home to demand to talk to her H, and OW called the police and the police took the BW away. This woman does not have a volient bone in her body.
You just have to control yourself here. You dont want WH to use this behavior to get custody of your Son. Because here in CA both parents have equal rights and oppurtunity. And it does not matter if you have been a stay at home mom.
So PLEASE becareful. Also DO NOT leave the county w/o his permission. In CA remember you two have EQUAL custody. You leave with your son it can and will be considered Kidnapping, another thing that can actually give him custody.<p>CA is very tough on parents who take the kids and run, unless of course there is DOCUMENT abuse.<p>I had checked into all this when I left. I had to go to a hotel (parents leave out of state). I was not sure what I was going to do. I know my Husband would have fought custody mainly because of the amt the CS would be. We even own a home out of state I could have gone too(vacation). Lawyer said not to.<p>I can totally relate to your feelings of having to "run". I am a "runner" when things get stressed for me I run. Not a good trait but thats how I cope.
My suggestion to you would be to get him OUT of the house. Keep your kids in their home. There life is turned upside down as it is.
Go to the courts and get emergency child support.( CA is good in that dept) and give your WH the "normal" visitation every other weekend and one night a week for dinner.<p>Tell your H that you love him and you what your marriage, but not like this. You NEED PLan B.
and you need to pull it together fo you and your kids. <p>You should not have to deal with this, and his OW.<p>I know you said you dont want to post how you got all the info on him, but I would appreciate an Email. I dont know if it is the orginal lies of betrayl that have me doubting my H, or if he is just covering himself. I need to know. Thanks
e-mail miaashley2002@yahoo.com

As long as you are married and there are no custody/visitation orders and no court orders to the contrary, you can go wherever you please for however long you please. You can take your children with you, and you can do it without warning or notice (somewhat how he lives his life in re OW). The only thing that can stop you is the service of a court order. If neither one of you has filed in the state of California for a separation or a divorce, then the state of California has no jurisdiction over your children.<p>You will not be able to file in another state, however, until you meet that state's residency requirement, which for most states is usually six months. Once you satisfy the residency requirement of another state, you can file there and that state will have jurisdiction.<p>I don't think there is anything you can do in the state of California (a no-fault community property state) to keep the OW away from your children when they are in the care and custody of the father. California does not recognize adultery as grounds for divorce or in any other legal way.<p>Tapes of them would likely mean nothing in court unless they were planning a crime against you and/or your children (in which case it would be a criminal matter, not a civil one). Police reports of you taking children on an unnecessary car chase, however, WOULD be relevant in court and detrimental to your case.<p>Control yourself. You are endangering yourself and your children. You are risking custody of your children. And you are pouring great floods of fuel on the fire of his passion for his OW. You are accomplishing nothing constructive with this behavior. Quit engaging in combat and high drama with him. Let Him Go. Focus on you and your children. Maintain sanity at all costs. Why would you give the OW the satisfaction of gloating at her power over you?<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

PI ... are you ok ?. ^^^bump^^^

Bumping up -- PI how are you? You haven't posted here or in PlanA/B for a bit. I'm concerned about YOU and your children. I hope you are doing better today.