How you going Seahorse?<p>Sorry I havent caught up with whats going on - i see hes gone for a while. You must be having a hard time. Have you posted much about what happened after Bangkok? I didnt come on MB for a while there and sometimes my little one only allows me a few seconds here.<p>Just wondering how you are today. <p>Ive been great the past few weeks despite an allsort mixture of events, had a downer of a few days (PMT) but for some reason those torturing thoughts just wont leave me alone. Could be since ive realised A is not really over like I had hoped. But I did say if I knew anything that I wouldnt allow it power to affect my resolve to stand firm.<p>That book on sex sounds good. I'd like to learn more bout that but I'm scared it will make me want to try things out on H, when ive just decided to lay off that side of things for now. <p>Hope youre still doing well. WATs advice has challenged me too and like you I feel I have no wisdom to offer - like I'm still drinking from a bottle of milk. Perhaps we need to wean ourselves now. <p>Take care,<p>Your Aussie buddy<p>Dancer

Hi Dancer, things aren't good. Mum died today. I'm glad she's in peace now, but its still hard.<p>H never came home after his holiday. I've seen him, but he lives over the other side of the city. We talk and see each other. He seems to be coming out of the fog, but I don't get my hopes up. I'm feeling better by myself at the moment anyway.<p>If I were you, I would learn as much as you can about everything (even sex, even if you don't want to persue it with H). Don't stiffle a part of yourself that wants to be free - this is part of your spirit. You will be unhappy if you don't let yourself be who you are.<p>Thanks for checking on me. Sorry I don't have better news. That's life!