Well, WH and I have been in recovery, I thought, since Feb. 15, 2002 (about 2 months.) I got this gut feeling about a week ago that things didn't seem just right, so I checked his voice mail (which I cracked the code to) and sure enough, the
OW had left him several messages, and they had been seeing each other for several weeks. On both d-days, I had to be the one to find him out, otherwise, I wonder if WH would ever had told me.
We spent almost $1,000 in that 8 weeks of what I thought was recovery on a MC! Now what do we do? Where do we go from here? By the way, D-day # 2 was April 25. WH admitted to contact with the OW, wants to break it off, but feels a powerful attraction to her. he wants our marriage to work out, but is afraid he'll fail again.
Help me, please. This is almost too painful to have to go through this again!
Thank you!
KK

kk;
Sorry to hear that, it must seem like everything's coming apart; but have faith! This is not unusual, and it does not mean your efforts at recovery are lost.<p>It means your WH is having problems withdrawing from OW, and both you and the MC must try to help him work through that.<p>Talk to the MC about it before taking any action, if you can.<p>Have you gotten any feedback from him on your Plan A? (fulfilling ENs, etc.)
Has he talked about how hard it is to withdraw? Asked for help?
It appears from your post that he does not yet know you know...if this is correct, try to approach him in a non-confrontational manner about it. Such as "I realize the withdrwal is very difficult for you, can we talk about this? I'd like to help you through it." to see what he says. If he admits it, it'll be good. If he doesn't, you'll probably have to tell him you know. Again; non-confrontational if you can.<p>Depending on his reaction to this, you'll need to formulate the next steps. Hang in there, breathe, and try, try to understand how hard this is for him to do.<p>[ April 29, 2002: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</p>

I don't have time to reply - but take heart - you CAN overcome this. You are relatively early in your recovery, and the good news is that your H has acknowledged that he wants your marriage to work.
Breathe breathe breathe
He needs to cut off all contact with OW that's for sure and he'll need your support! (I know, it doesn't seem fair, when your life is falling apart, you need to support the person who has hurt you the most).
Okay - gotta run - I just KNOW you'll get lots of help here.
(((((((((((kk2002)))))))))))

Hi,<p>I'm so sorry. I read your post and started crying. I feel your pain. My 2nd D-day was 5 months after the 1st. I know how you're feeling. I wish I could take the pain away for you.<p>I went for 5 months thinking the A was over and during that time, like you, I believed we were both working 100% on our M. I put my heart and soul into making things right. Then when I found out the A wasn't over, I was in shock (again) <p>The 2nd D-day hit harder than the 1st. After the 1st D-day, I risked everything and trusted him again. I believed in him and he betrayed me. The 1st time was hard enough, but the 2nd - I just couldn't believe it. So, I do know what you're going through.<p>I didn't think I'd make it through again. I wasn't as courageous as the first time. I was tired and felt sooo defeated.<p>But, time does make it better. I'm okay now. Mainly because of this site and the help I've received. <p>Have you read Dr. Harley's info. I found that to be very helpful. I know by reading everything I could find, and following the advice and info. I was able to make it through. I think my M would have been over if I hadn't found this site.<p>I'll be thinking about you. Hang in there.<p>H&S