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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 580
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 580 |
What do you do when a major trigger is something that simply cannot be avoided?<p>I discovered my H's A 4/2/00. The way I found out was by finding a very long dark hair in my shower after being gone for a weekend to visit my parents. Ever since then, virtually every time I see a hair on the floor, or especially the shower, it is a reminder. So, this happens virtually every day.<p>I must say that the triggers have lessened tremendously, but there are still a few, mainly the one I described. The others can simply be avoided for the most part. Since this cannot be avoided, how do you overcome something like this triggering bad memories??
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798 |
I find that forgiving each specific thing helps me. I can let the trigger go. When it haunts me, I remind myself I have given it to God to deal with.<p>Oddly enough...I got this in my email today--and just posted it on Recovery. This is pretty much how I go through the forgiveness process, but it is an excellent devotional.<p> <p>Subj: Neil Anderson Devotional for Tuesday, April 30, 2002 <p>
N E I L A N D E R S O N D A I L Y D E V O T I O N A L
from Freedom in Christ Ministries<p>April 30<p>THE COST OF FORGIVENESS<p>Forgive your brother from your heart (Matthew 18:35 NIV).<p>Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another
person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil
we forgive. Yet you're going to live with those consequences
whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will
do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness.
That's how Jesus forgave you--He took the consequences of your
sin upon Himself. All true forgiveness is substitutional, because
no one really forgives without bearing the penalty of the other
person's sin.<p>Why then do we forgive? Because Christ forgave us. God the Father
"made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might
become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21).
Where is the justice? The cross makes forgiveness legally and
morally right: "For the death that He died, He died to sin, once
for all" (Romans 6:10).<p>How do you forgive from the heart? First, you acknowledge the
hurt and the hate. If your forgiveness doesn't visit the
emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the
great evangelical cover-up. Christians feel the pain of
interpersonal offenses, but we won't acknowledge it. Let God
bring the pain to the surface so He can deal with it. This is
where the healing takes place.<p>Ask God to bring to your mind those you need to forgive. Make a
list of all those who have offended you. Since God has forgiven
them by His grace, you can forgive them too. For each person on
your list, say: "Lord, I forgive (name) for (offenses)." Keep
praying about each individual until you are sure that all the
remembered pain has been dealt with. Don't try to rationalize or
explain the offender's behavior. Forgiveness deals with your
pain, not another's behavior. Remember: Positive feelings will
follow in time; freeing yourself from the past is the critical
issue.<p>Lord, I desire to be free from the hurt and the hate of offenses
in my past. Today I move beyond desiring to forgive and asking
Your help to forgive. Lord, I forgive _________ for ___________. <p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</p>
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Wish I knew a better answer than "time." I'll bet that for you, because the A is still in progress, that these triggers haven't a chance at becoming invisible until some end state has past.<p>The only other thing that comes to mind is to offer a quote from the sig line of one of my best MB friends: Happiness is not getting what you want, it is wanting what you have.<p>Dave
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 580
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 580 |
Thanks to both of you! Lor, the article on forgiveness was just what I needed to read right now. The hard part will be implementing it. I don't think I've ever really forgiven OW for what she has done, and maybe that's where I need to start. That would sure be a whole lot easier if she was out of my H's life!!!
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