My whole story is in the post from yesterday entitled "things are so weird right now."<p>Update from yesterday (our 2nd anniversary) - we ended up talking on the phone. When we talked in the morning I said he need to figure out what he wants and then we'll talk. So what he wants right now is to just be friends. Just chit chat about stuff that's not too deep because he can't handle the "I'm sorry's, I love you's and I miss you's," etc. He managed to call about 4 times last night and I went out to dinner with a girlfriend. <p>This morning he called and said "i tried to get ya last night. Do you mind me asking what you did?" So I said and he asked with whom and I said - Am I saying too much? I feel like if I didn't say at this point - he'd freak out and shut the door, etc. Then he gets worried about who I have told and how much I've said.<p>He denies anything physical has happened when he went up to see her this past weekend. More on that in other post. He even told his mom that this is just a "friend." But, regardless - it hurts me terribly. <p>If there are any other BS out there who are working on this kind of A, please reply. I really am seeking some support right now. <p>I'm working on plan A, but god, it's hard. Sometimes I just want to tell him where to go! I'm so hurt by all of this and know what I have contributed to it. <p>Thanks,
Llama

Hi llama,<p>My H had an on-line affair. I found out about it in Nov/01. At the time he said they were just friends. So, I believed him and we agreed to work on our M 100% and he would end the A. Well, in Mar/02 I started feeling things weren't right. I started snooping, I downloaded Spector, and found out that the A wasn't over, and that it was more than just friends.<p>The 2nd D-day seemed to be worst then the 1st. I trusted him and believed in him and he betrayed me again.<p>He's opened up since then and I found out they were e-mailing eachother every day, and chatting 2-3 times a week. He says it was this often before I found out, but once I found out, they only chatted 1 every other week or so. I don't completely believe him. He's having trouble believing that I need to know the whole truth and I think he's just telling me what he thinks I need to know.<p>We are in early recovery now. I still have doubts (check out my posting "Slipping back, help".)<p>We are in counselling now and it's helping. My H didn't really believe what he did was an A until he heard it from the counsellor.<p>I'm just sort of rambling here, is there something you wanted to ask?<p>H&S

Hi again,<p>Quick question - you mentioned in your other posting that you found a saved chat. Where and how did you find that? <p>I've tried to open some files that may be stuff he's saved, but I either can't open it or it's all garbled (like it's been changed so I can't read it.) Any advice?<p>Thanks,
H&S

There seem to be quite a few women on the boards this week who are struggling because of their H's online infidelity. Here's something I posted yesterday that you might find helpful.<p>Not everyone on the discussion boards will agree with my statements but I think you are completely justified in your feelings about your husband's use of pornography. You will find a wealth of information here at marriagebuilders on rebuilding your marriage. The support I have found over the last year has been remarkable. I've written about my own struggles within my marriage and my H's use of pornography and chatting. Just do a search for my name here on the discussion boards (Bluebird) and you will come up with a lot of threads on this same topic. You can also drop by the site in my signature line which has more information on internet infidelity including links to other sites and a discussion group on the topic of online infidelity. Also be sure to check out http://www.pureintimacy.org for more information on how pornography is destroying marriages.
Glad you found us...let us know how we can help. <p>Bluebird [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Bluebird,<p>I don't want to take over Llama's thread, so if you have a chance can you check mine and offer some advice? ("Slipping back, help!")<p>I'm going to check out the sites you mentioned.<p>Thanks,
H&S

llama,<p>I am another 'internet BS'. Take a look at my signature block. There are many here who are in the same boat. Read somewhere resently that a full 10% of all marriages are now suffering from either infidelity or porn use on the web. <p>People feel it's safe and are therefore sucked into it easily.. their guards are down.

llama,<p>Hi, another internet BS checking in. My H never actually say the OW in person. Who knows where it would have gone if things had not blown up. The pain is the same as a PA (at least I think it is -- I don't see how it could be worse). <p>My H and I are now in recovery. The only advice I have to offer is to Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. You state you know what you did to contribute to the deterioration of your M. Work on fixing those things. If you were not meeting some of your H's ENs start trying to (those he will let you meet). Concentrate on working on you -- no LBing (this really does make you a better person for all of your relationships). Through this you will be more tolerant (no disrespectful judgments), more patient (no angry outbursts), and more giving (no selfish demands), etc.<p>Hang in there. If you have specific question, I would be glad to do whatever I can to help.<p>FHO