Last year I was in the depths of despair. I cried constantly. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. I couldn't work. <p>My H wasn't in love with me and told me that he wanted to be with her .<p>My whole world was upside down.<p>I went up and down. I was depressed. I was angry. I was f*****g ANGRY! I wanted to cause her as much pain as I was in. <p>I negotiated. I demanded. I begged. I pleaded. I cried. <p>I prayed. I found hope. <p>I read. I learned. I made life-long changes in my behavior and attitude.<p>I grew. I became strong. I discovered I could live with or without him. I loved him, but I wasn't willing to be part of a harem. We were either married or not. I started moving on. Less clinging. Less despair. Less crying.<p>No more begging. No more pleading. No threats.
I stuck up for myself without putting him down. I set my boundaries. I meant them.<p>I began really talking to him. Our talks didn't disintegrate into fights, but melted into intimacy.<p>Slowly he started reaching out to me. Slowly. So slowly I thought it would never happen. So slowly I had doubts. Maybe we should just separate and divorce. Then, he would make a move toward me... shreds of hope. I lived on shreds of hope.<p>This morning my FWH and I made love (first time I have used the F)... and we kissed... we really, really, really kissed. I could feel it down to my toes. The man who for so long slept away from me, with his face turned away from me... who moved his face when I went to kiss him... He kissed me! <p>And, before he left the house for work, he sought me out to give me a goodbye kiss. (usually I chased him out the door).<p>OMG. OMG. He's really back. My Husband is back. <p>I am so overwhelmed.<p>Cali<p>[ April 30, 2002: Message edited by: Cali ]</p>

Bless you Cali, you're an inspiration to us all! Our hearts are happy for you! VERY, VERY happy! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Cali--<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Smiles all around for you...there's a reason you are the queen of Plan A [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Smiles for Efft, too....<p>E

Cali,<p>Good for you! Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! It seems like you've worked very hard and our so deserving of this. I'm soo happy for you! <p>(I was feeling a bit down, but you've made my day a little brighter. Thanks.)<p>H&S

Cali - <p>You give us all hope! <p>I'm waiting for the day that I get that kiss and have to stop chasing him to the door -<p>I know the day will come I just have to hang on!<p>I hope everything keeps going so well for you - You've accomplished what we are all hoping for.

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>WAT

Cali,<p>Thank you for your post. It brought be to tears, but tears of hope and not despair. <p>Though I am the WW I want this feeling back sooooo bad. I continue to daily read all I can and try and believe it can and will happen.<p>REALLY THANK YOU!!!!

and the story just continues to get better, and better....<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jeffers

thank you all for your replies... I posted this because I am so overwhelmed by the differences between this time last year and this year... <p>...I am blown away...<p>There are so many new posters and they have the same desperate sound that I know my posts had this time last year... and when I read one of the veterans post 'good' stuff, I was so encouraged and hopeful...<p>...so newbies... this was for YOU! The hope is in the fact that YOU will grow stronger... YOU will survive...<p>Cali

Cali - it sure feels good doesn't it? For those newbies reading - I'll give you more hope - I waited two years to get my H "back" as in "I love you" back and it happened, even after a set back only a few months ago.<p>Way to go Cali!!

Your story was good to read. Thanks. Do you think there's a difference when WH says our relationship is/was awful and it's not about her..rather than I love her and she great, etc. He is determined to keep her out of it.
I am truly happy for you.

Hi Cali,
You probably don't realize it, but I have really been pulling for you. Ever since you posted that thread about kissing. My heart went out to you. <p>I am so happy for you! BTW...isn't kissing WONDERFUL!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]
1step

Hi Cali<p>WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOWW!!!!!!<p>I guess the plan is to still keep going slowly? How on earth are you going to contain yourself? Theres probably so much you want to do and say, yet its got to be timely. Youre living the stuff I'm still dreaming of. Its been 13 months since my WH needed a break. Since we passed the 12month mark it seems more like a dream it would ever happen now, yet testimonies like yours continue to give me the hope and patience to persevere. Without any success stories, we'd probably all give up.<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Dancer

Good things come to those who wait. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Cali,<p>I am so very happy for you both. God does really answer prayers. I wish you both a very happy, long, and loving life. Pat

Way 2 go! this is awesome awesome awesome!
How did you do it?? I would love to hear how you went about it as I am at the stage now that you were in the begining things don't look bright, we seperate in about a week he can't wait to get out but your post gave me & others such hope good on ya!.
If you prefer to email my address is callycocoa@hotmail.com

We got here about the same time last year. We were both devastated and torn apart as every BS who comes here tends to be in the beginning. I used to read what the old timers were saying and wonder how they managed to get through it. Well you made it!!! And you are stronger than ever!!! I hope to be in your shoes someday although being in Plan B right now I have no feel for how things will go with the M, but as far as me I will make it.<p>Thank you so much for your update. It helps give hope to those who are not as far into the recovery process as you are.

Cali,
Your news is awesome, I am so glad for you!!<p>I to showed up about the same time as you and am closer to the divorce end of things. I am so glad that one of us is having a happy ending to our stories with our spouses!!<p>I do remember all the names you have gone through in your process and the havoc you rained on your FWH and OW at times. I wonder if I would be in a different place now if I had let some of my anger fly like you did. HA!<p>God's blessings to you and your family. Take care and do stay around and continue to pass on the hope and your wonder ful words and writings.<p>C ya, Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Waiting to hear what happens Wednesday morning! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Estes

Cali !!!!!!<p>Wow, you go girl. I'm so glad to hear that things are working out for you. You have changed so much in the last year, for the better. And it seems that your H is doing the same.<p>I'm happy for you and proud of you.